A Warrior's Heart
by Kurgs
Summary: As the result of an impromptu drinking game, Isabela gives away something that was not hers to give. We've got angst! We've got fluff! And jokes! Lots of them.  Some smut, too.  F!Templar!Hawke X Fenris
1. Cheating

**A/N: **First, this takes place at a very specific point in Act 2, after All That Remains, but before the events of A Bitter Pill. (And yes, that _is_ possible, just don't take Fenris out of Kirkwall when you're doing the other main plot quests.) Second, there's a perfectly good reason that I avoid a specific description of Hawke, or a first name, because it makes it far easier to imagine her as _your_ Hawke, and don't tell me you don't want to. The only specific is warrior, but you can ignore that. ^_^ Third, I'm fully aware that Fenris's personality is a little bit off (or at least it seems like it to me, he's by far my favorite but the hardest for me to write), but you can't say that there's never been a time when you wanted him to be just a _little_ more romantic. Yes, I love his brooding and his angst, but come on, you can let this one slide. Fourth, a mandatory thumbs up to BioWare, they created the whole Dragon Age world and I own none of it. (It does seem like a good company to invest in though.) Finally, and by far the most important note, a mention to the inspiration behind this. I was reading a story called "Little Pieces" by Aeryn Phoenix, which I highly recommend if you haven't already read it, and the idea of Isabela stealing a certain something from a certain someone (don't worry, you'll get it soon enough) caught my eye, and after asking to borrow said idea, this was born. Enjoy! (Or not, depending.)

* * *

><p>They had never seen anything like it before. It was preposterous, unheard of, and utterly unexpected. But there she was, a paragon of self-contradiction. Although if she were to be depicted as the other paragons were there would be some serious proportional issues. I'm not sure what it was that struck her fancy to put on such a display, but the reaction of her companions as she walked into the Hanged Man were just what she had expected. Oh nugs, I can't lie to you, I know <em>exactly<em> why she did it. But she certainly did not expect the end result.

* * *

><p>As usual Varric was the first to notice the lady Hawke's entrance, and, as one would rightly assume in this case, the first jaw to drop. He had been playing cards with Isabela, and, as usual, both of them were cheating, it was simply a matter of who would be better at it tonight, or which of them had had more alcohol. So naturally her gaze was the first to follow his. Her jaw, however, did not drop, but rather an incredulous look immediately stained her face. It was one of the few moments that she didn't have her mouth wide open.<p>

At the time there were only two other members of their unlikely team present, Aveline and Fenris. It was one of those rare nights when Aveline had enough time to join them, between Donnic and patrols and trying to keep track of where all her men were at any given time she was quite busy. Fenris however was sort of a staple at the Hanged Man, it was one of the few places in Kirkwall he actually enjoyed, though that had not always been the case. The two of them populated the same table as the more outspoken pair, but they were paying so much attention to the game (both trying to figure out how the two cheated so effectively, but the warrior in them was no where near as quick-handed as the rogue in their opponents) that it wasn't until Isabela stood up that they even took notice.

"Hawke!" It was such a rare occasion that the normally endless well of witty repartee that Isabela had so carefully assembled over the years dried up in an instant. She was lowered to _names_ of all things. Aveline and Fenris both jerked their heads in the direction of the door. The elf's eyebrows bunched together and his mouth opened in question, but he was abruptly stopped from voicing his query.

"Ah Hawke! I never thought I'd see the day you actually took my advice!" The robust Aveline proclaimed, the sheer amount of pride that shone on her face would have been enough to fuel a demon and a half. Aveline's role in Hawke's life had changed drastically over the past few years, after Carver's death she became the older sibling Hawke never had, despite the brief time they had known each other. That role took even greater meaning after Bethany's tragic fall in the Deep Roads. And finally, after the death of Hawke's last remaining tie to her old life, her mother, was killed by a loss-driven blood mage, Aveline gave up her role as sibling and took on being a surrogate mother. Hawke would never call her such, but the dynamic of the relationship was the same. Aveline had been with her far longer than her other companions, they had seen each other through a lot, and the respect Hawke showed her proved it.

Hawke thought that taking her advice was only natural, besides, _'Let up a little, you need to relax from time to time. It doesn't have to be battle and death every minute you aren't sleeping or eating."_ wasn't exactly hard advice to take.

"No, armor?" Varric stammered, his cards drooping in his hand momentarily, leaving them thoroughly exposed to the ever vigilant Isabela. This might be a monumental event, but nothing kept her from taking any advantage she could get against Varric.

"Is that surprising?" Hawke's reply answered all of her companions simultaneously. Aveline nodded and Isabela finally took her seat at hearing actual words come out of Hawke's mouth, she was half convinced it wasn't real. Varric however...

"Yes! Yes that _is_ surprising! You don't even leave your bedroom without a full set of chain-mail!" Varric spewed, the unmistakable scent of his favorite low-class liquor wafting up to Hawke's nose, which crinkled in response.

Isabela instantly regained her timely wit and took to the comment on everyone's mind like Templars to an apostate. "You've spent a lot of time at the Estate spying on her then? It must have taken some serious time there to have such a solid knowledge of her attire. Not that I blame you, I've spent quite a few hours looking through those windows myself." A wistful and not at all hidden look marked her eyes, and Hawke suddenly took on the same incredulous look Isabela had only moments earlier.

Hawke wasn't wearing anything scandalous, it was simply the fact that she _wasn't_ in her normal suit of armor that had struck everyone so profoundly. Hawke _never_ went anywhere without it, not even to these gatherings at the Hanged Man. Furthermore, she didn't even have her sword! The only time the giant of a blade ever left its place on her back was to slice something to pieces, usually several somethings. It was as unheard of as Sebastian cursing the Maker, Isabela taking a vow of chastity, Varric abandoning Bianca!

Skillfully ignoring Isabela's comment Varric continued "What's gotten into you, Hawke? Did Anders wrap your bandages a little too tight this time?"

"I'm simply... Relaxing." Hawke mused, stepping closer to their table, "I was informed," she nodded towards Aveline, "that it would do me some good to do something other than eat, sleep, and kill."

"Does this mean you'll drink with us tonight too!" Isabela practically cheered. Hawke rarely drank, and when she did it was very little.

"Only if you promise not to take advantage of my inebriation!" Hawke spoke with mock worry.

"Not even a little bit!" An exasperated Isabela squeaked, obviously a little inebriated herself. Or maybe not, it was hard to tell, it wasn't exactly far from the things she said when she was sober. Hawke only grinned in return.

Despite the apparent severity of the situation everyone seemed to settle into it quite nicely, there was no change in the way she acted, no less wit, no less charm, and she was no less threatening than when fully armored. That might be hard to believe, but the way she carried herself spoke volumes about her strength, well, more like _shouted _volumes. The group continued to play cards and drink their fair share of ale.

Yes, everyone was perfectly content with this version of Hawke, everyone except for Fenris. He spent the first part of the evening quiet, hardly speaking a word, simply because he was afraid his tongue would betray him. Like the rest of them, he had never seen her this way, but, the way he thought of her was far from the way they did, well, maybe not Isabela. His lip twitched at that thought, he did not like comparing himself to her.

But how could he not? Seeing her in these clothes made all the images in his mind that much more real. Her form was never truly clear to him under the thick layers of leather and metal, but now it was _quite_ visible. There was not much skin, Hawke was far from immodest, but the clothes seemed a size too small for her, they clung at her sides and the fabric of her tunic strained across her breasts, as if it were stretched too far. The pants she wore were just a tad too short and hugged her legs far tighter than they should have, but oddly, they didn't look like they were uncomfortable. Could they have been Bethany's? Fenris had not seen much of the recently deceased Hawke, but from what he remembered it was not hard to see her in the garments the elder sibling now wore. It was near impossible for him to keep his eyes off of her, though he tried his hardest. He couldn't help but feel like she knew, like she could see the way his gaze lingered at her collarbone, like she was fully aware of the way he stared after her when she sauntered up to the bar for a refill. The way her hips swayed with each step she took was in itself sinful, but the longer he watched the curve of her legs, and her backside, the more sure he was that she did it all the time. He simply had not noticed because of the unreasonable amount of layers she wore. He was becoming more and more grateful that Anders had not been able to make it tonight. He wondered if she ever thought the same kind of thoughts about him, if he ever had the courage to confront her about his own feelings if she would respond in kind. But Fenris could not, she was their leader and he had no business being with her in that way in any place but his own mind.

Not an hour later Aveline was finished, she had stayed longer that she had intended already, what with her duties as Guard-Captain in the morning. "No, I really do have to go, besides, I'm far past frustrated with trying to figure out how you two always manage to have the perfect hand!"

"Isabela swaps her cards out with spares she keeps stuck under the table every time Varric takes a less than wholesome look at the barmaid, and Varric has a man that keeps signaling him from behind Isabela to tell him what cards she has, not to mention the kid that keeps slipping him a change of cards with his drinks. Why do you think he uses such small glasses?" Hawke's blunt insight made both of the rogues' eyes widen, then they pulled their respective bets from the table.

"Well, that solves that then. I have sleep to get to." And Aveline promptly left. Hawke was half expecting to be berated by the pair of them for outing their secrets, but instead they started conferring with each other on their methods for robbing people blind. And Fenris, poor, poor Fenris, was now certain that there was no way she had not noticed his wandering eyes. But as any warrior would he kept his head held high, if not just to see more of her.

Another hour passed without incident, the group had devolved into chatter about their exploits, at the moment Varric was regaling them with a tale about how he rescued and befriended a rabbit near the coast only to have him chew off the majority of his chest hair while he slept. It seemed as though none of them had really drank all that much, Varric had earlier admitted that his numerous drinks had been watered down to decrease the risk of a muddled mind while playing.

"We need a drinking game! None of us should be sober, and that needs fixed, _now_." Isabela promptly addressed the situation.

"I'm perfectly content to watch all of you drown yourselves in ale." Fenris spoke with distant tone.

"But you always drink with us! What's wrong, Broody?" Varric piped in, seemingly unaware that Isabela was simultaneously stealing silvers from the pouch he left just a little too close to her chair.

Fenris just shrugged, perfectly masking the reason he did not wish to drink, because when drunk, people say things that they should not. He wasn't sure that he could help himself in this case.

"I have an idea." Hawke said with a breathy undertone. Isabela purred in question. "But Varric doesn't get to play."

Varric started to voice his objection before Isabela cut him off, "Just the two of us then, love? My, my, this should be good." Varric seemed to think on this, Hawke and Isabela drinking themselves into a stupor, perhaps it would be best if he stayed sober, there were all sorts of tales he could spin out of this.

"I'm feeling rather, adventurous tonight." Fenris's ears perked up at the word _'adventurous'. _By now he figured that if Hawke had not said anything of his unusual behavior then she had not noticed, which she hadn't. Hawke had the keenest instincts, reflexes, and all around awareness in the Free Marches, or at least it seemed like it, but in matters like love, more like lust in this case, she was utterly oblivious. His original worry had subsided, and in all the time she had been there he had gotten his impending arousal under control. He was not completely unable of taming himself. His newest worry however, was Isabela. She was not so inexperienced and he had caught her giving him the oddest smirk, a smirk that meant scheming. His worry would have to wait however.

"Oh, is that so?" Isabela crooned, obviously eager to hear what Hawke would propose.

"Yes, it _is_ so, Isabela, and I want to see if I can out-drink you." The corners of her mouth twisted up in a confident smile.

The Rivaini let out a short, shrill laugh, thoroughly certain that such a feat was impossible. Even Varric was skeptical. "The stakes better be good, love!"

"Oh they are indeed. If I win, I get everything in your pockets." Hawke seemed quite sure of her statement, probably assuming that she was holding valuables.

"And if I win?"

"Yes, _if_ you win, well, you still wanted to sleep with me, right?" The words Hawke spoke made Varric choke on his drink, and Fenris discreetly gripped the leg of the table, grinding his teeth. Isabela was seemingly unsurprised by her words.

"And how in the world would that work? If you're passed out it won't be any fun..." Isabela trailed off seductively.

"Ah, I've thought of that already!" Hawke said with enthusiasm that was quite unlike her for a situation like this, perhaps she had taken Aveline's suggestion a little farther than it was intended. "Prizes will be given tomorrow night, but, since I know how impatient you are I'll sweeten the deal, if you last twenty minutes I'll kiss you, for at _least_ thirty seconds." And now Isabela was even more so intrigued, as was Fenris.

"Only twenty? It's almost like you _want_ that kiss." Isabela leaned in close to her.

"Oh, I do, but... That's all I want." Hawke's flippant words made Isabela frown.

"I see, waiting for someone else to perform that special task, are we?" Fenris could have sworn he saw Isabela wink at him as she spoke, "Well, what about your prize, how do you know I won't simply empty my pockets before tomorrow night?"

"Oh, I'm sure if you do, _something_ will find its way into them eventually." Hawke smirked, and Isabela saw exactly what she was getting at. Isabela knew that she and Hawke did not have a physical relationship, the impending kiss was as far as she would go, (if she won anyway, Hawke held to her debts) but this was basically a free pass for Isabela. It was Hawke's way of saying _'Just get me something good.'_

"Deal. This should be a remarkably fun game!" With that Varric hopped up to get the first round, incredibly pleased that he actually wouldn't have to _embellish _anything about this particular story.

The first ten minutes passed with ease, Isabela far more than able to hold her liquor and Hawke's expression hardly changing at all. Not either of them so much as swayed, they just stared intensely at the other as they drank. Then fifteen minutes came around and still, they showed almost no signs to allude to intoxication. "How in the sodding Stone are you not falling out of your chair, Hawke!" Varric was not the only one surprised, Isabela was a pirate, her tolerance for alcohol was expected, but Hawke?

"Whatever do you mean, Varric?" Hawke sweetly spoke, unaware of why he would ask such a thing.

"You never drink! How are you so, so, immune!" He spat out, flabbergasted by the Ferelden woman once again.

"Oh, my hairy little dwarf man," Hawke reached out to tussle his hair as though he were a child, maybe the booze was getting to her a little bit... "I drink plenty! I just don't get drunk." Hawke's proud smile practically lit up the room.

There really wasn't much Varric could do but pour the next round while Isabela thought that perhaps she'd gotten in a little over her head. With the sheer amount of alcohol they had practically mainlined already she was just about at her limit, and of course Hawke had demanded the highest proof the place had. As they downed their next glass and slammed it to the table Fenris wrenched around uneasy in his seat, that twenty minute mark was coming up fast.

They got one more glass down before Isabela held up her hand and said "Oh dear Hawke, I'm still awake! I believe that means you owe me something..." She tipped her head forward with a domineering squint to her eyes.

Hawke wasted no time, she stood with unwavering certainty, commanding the attention of everyone in the bar. She placed one foot on her chair to push off of as she moved to cross the table on her knees, adding an unnecessary movement to her shoulders and hips, as though she were prowling. "Ooooh, maybe Merril isn't the one I should be calling Kitten..." Isabela said as Hawke closed the distance.

"Stop talking." She ordered, much to Isabela's approval as Hawke reached out to grab her, clinging to the hair at the base of her skull. She pulled her forward and locked their mouths together, sucking heavily at each lip in turn before using her free hand to steady herself on Isabela's shoulder as she moved from the table to a new position straddling the pirate queen in her seat. They continued like this, all gasping and panting and fingers entwined in locks of hair as the crowd looked on in rapt silence, until Isabela reached for Hawke's breast, only holding it for a finite moment before Hawke gracefully twisted away (an impressive feat considering how much she had drank) and returned to her seat. Then the crowd erupted, jeers and catcalls and shouts for more all floated around the room, dying down only when they realized the girls were too out of it to even care.

Varric was stunned, more so than he had been at anything that had occurred that night, he was sure that the very fabric of the world must be coming undone, because this was not normal, not at all. I mean, he had certainly made up stories like this about Hawke, but for it to actually happen! Was this really the woman that had cut down countless abominations, fought tooth and nail through the Deep Roads, destroyed hordes of Tal-Vashoth? Oh, he was definitely taking a trip to the Rose tonight.

Undoubtedly though, the most profound reaction came from Fenris, despite how silent he remained. He had perchance the greatest view of the whole event, stationed right next to Isabela. He saw the whole thing almost exactly as she did, Hawke's hands-and-knees crawl across the table, the way her shirt dipped down exposing the deep valley between her breasts, that insatiable look in her eye, and he was so close, so very, _very _close. He could smell her, even past the alcohol and Isabela's own perfume, a scent heavy with the spice of cinnamon and laced with vanilla, and oh, how he wished he could take the pirate's place. Even if the rest of the room had not been staring at the two as intently as they were, Fenris still would have been unable to take his eyes away, he couldn't touch, but by the Maker no one would stop him from looking. And when her legs left the table the toe of her boot had dragged along the outside of his thigh on its path to the floor, causing an unstoppable rush of heat coursing through him, not that there wasn't enough heat already. Then it was over, Hawke escaped Isabela's grasp and walked carefully back to her place, and Fenris hadn't even noticed Isabela's groping, if he had, well, I think he might have immediately needed to, get some air, so to speak. He was wearing thin as it was. It was then, as Hawke got farther away from him, that he looked back to Isabela, who was boring a hole through his skull. When she was finished staring at him she, not so secretly, cast her gaze down to the rather embarrassing bulge in his pants. Shit, she knew, he was sure of it now, and when Isabela had information like that she did _not _let it go unused. He pulled his chair in closer to the table and scowled at her. He might have been found out, but he wasn't about to let her get into his head.

Varric was the first to break the silence, starting with a deep laugh, "Well, we have a game to get back to!"

"We do!" Hawke cheered, unphased by what had just happened. So they continued on, until the victor was decided with a loud thump of a body hitting the floor. Poor Isabela, it was as if the chair had been pulled right out from under her. Hawke sat up, perfectly straight, eyes closed, totally unaware that she had just won her little wager.

"We should probably get her to her room." Fenris finally said. Varric nodded in agreement as the two men proceeded to haul Isabela away. When they returned, however, Hawke was gone.

"Huh, guess she went home." Varric assumed, but Fenris was not so sure and he briskly went to confirm such with the bartender.

"Yeah, as soon as you two turned the corner she just stood up and walked out the door, it's hard to believe she drank as much as she did."

The elf was sure he could catch up with her, if only just to make sure that she really was headed home and not to her previous one in Lowtown. He had no need to worry though, he caught sight of her ascending the stairs almost immediately. Instead of running to her side however, he just followed, only slightly upset that the darkness obscured his vision of her. She didn't walk like she was drunk, which was unsettling, was she really that unaffected? Something was off, but he just continued to watch her from a distance, at least until she was almost home.

"Hawke, wait!" He called as she opened the door to her estate. Her head flicked back towards him without hesitation.

"Ah, I was wondering how long you were going to follow me before you said something. You know, the glow of those markings does not do well for stealth." She stated with a uncharacteristic wink.

Fenris was rather struck by this, how could she possibly have know he was following her? He didn't hardly make any noise and she never looked back. "I- I was just making sure that you made it home all right, with all that alcohol I'm surprised you're still standing."

"Do you want to know a little secret?" Hawke's smile did not fade as she spoke. Fenris slowly nodded, unsure of what else to do. "Then come inside for a moment." She motioned for him with her finger, which he thought of far more sensually than he probably should have.

He closed the door behind him and she sat on one of the benches in the entryway, unlacing her boots. It was surprisingly quiet, then again, he had never been there when Bodahn wasn't around to emphatically greet him at the door. She didn't look up from her task as she spoke, "I beat Isabela at her own game, I cheated." He could practically hear the smile in her voice, and when she finally did look up it was quite blatant.

"And..." He hesitated for a moment, "How did you do that? You definitely drank everything, and Varric was pouring the drinks... " He mulled over it for a second before continuing, "Was he in on it?"

"Oh heavens, no. Varric has a harder time keeping his mouth shut than Isabela does! I found a special tonic at the Black Emporium the other day, it tasted like nug shit, or at least what I assume that would taste like, but it absorbs any toxin, such as alcohol, for a full day." She was quite smug with herself.

"So you've been totally sober the _whole_ night?" He inquired with a raised brow.

It was obvious what he was getting at, even to Hawke, so, instead of addressing it she took an alternate route. "Goodnight, Fenris." And so she walked away, leaving him to see himself out.

* * *

><p>"So that's the plan, with any luck we should be able to take care of everything before nightfall." Hawke, now in her full armor again, was going over the battle strategy for dealing with a small camp of bandits camped outside the city.<p>

"I really appreciate this, Hawke, things are hectic enough around here with the Qunari; I can't spare any more men." Aveline said with a nod in Hawke's direction.

"Oh, of course. Now, are you two ready to head out?" She spoke to the pair at the bar, who were paying minimal attention.

"Three, thank you very much, Bianca will not be left out." Varric retorted as he hopped off his stool.

"No, Varric, she was meant two, I'm staying behind today, little bit of a hangover you know? How she's going anywhere astounds me." Isabela quickly assuaged Varric's fear.

"Yes Varric, we've been over your oddly idyllic obsession with your crossbow, I would never forget her."

"Good thing, Hawke. That's why I write stories about you, well, that and the astounding number of things you kill." Varric added.

"I'm glad I have your support, now would you hurry up!" Hawke was referring to the fact that she and Aveline were halfway out the door and Varric was still draining the last of what he called his good morning ale.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming! Who else is going with us today? We always go in a group of 4, you know how this works!"

"Fenris is meeting us at the gates." Hawke stated in a rather matter-of-fact tone.

The day went by without a hitch, it wasn't a large group they were taking out, but the travel time added a substantial amount to their journey, leaving room for conversation. They talked about the steadily boiling situation with the Qunari, the state of the Docks, how the reading and writing was going for Fenris, and various other Kirkwall-related topics. Until Varric, as was to be expected, made a not-so-subtle comment about the previous nights activities, undoubtedly trying to see if Hawke remembered it, and looking for any excuse to clue Aveline into what exactly happened after she left. "Yes, Varric, I know all about it." Hawke stated dismissively, trying to avoid a possible disaster.

"You certainly did seem to, enjoy yourself..." He added, lifting a suggestive eyebrow.

"I don't want to know, Varric." Aveline's tone was incredibly similar to the many times she had called Isabela a whore.

"Eh, suit yourself, I'll just be back here regaling Fenris with all the little details, try not to listen too hard." Varric took a secondary course of action, which was derailed just as quickly.

"No, dwarf, if you want to tell someone so badly go tell all the fleas that must live in your chest hair." Fenris said, trying to avoid thinking about the heat rising to his face.

"I'm offended, Broody! They have names you know!"

"I really hope you're joking." Aveline scoffed.

* * *

><p>At the end of day when they returned to Kirkwall Aveline retired to the barracks and the others took to the Hanged Man. Fenris was almost hesitant to join them, but he found that he was actually looking forward to seeing what preposterous thing Isabela had '<em>in her pockets<em>' tonight. They had expected to see Isabela at her usual spot, hovering over a drink and ignoring some buffoon shamelessly trying to seduce her, but they were mistaken.

She was sitting at the head of a rather large table, with exactly four empty seats. The other seats were filled by none other than Anders, Merril, and Sebastian. Upon seeing them Isabela stood up, "There they are! Come, come, sit! I have a prize to give!"

"Oh, this should be good." Hawke muttered under her breath as she sat down with Fenris and Varric.

"Aw, where is my favorite lady-shaped Ogre!" Isabela spouted upon noticing the lack of Aveline.

"The barracks, I'd assume." Merril said, Varric confirming with a firm nod.

"That's just too bad... Oh well, moving on!" Isabela squealed, obviously excited. Hawke assumed that she had already informed their other companions of their wager, because they all seemed to know what was going on when Isabela flipped one of her pockets out, revealing nothing. She raised her hands in mock surprise before moving to the other one, from which she pulled a well folded note.

Hawke reached out her hand for it. "No, no, no! That's not how this works! I have to _read _it to you!" Oh, of course she did, Hawke should have expected that.

She carefully pried the note open, cleared her throat and started to read in the loud, slow, and overly theatrical voice she thought most appropriate for this particular piece.

_ "I've never known a woman with such a combination of strength and beauty. _

_No one has ever pulled such thoughts from me as she does, I thought it would be the end of me when she took to that table."_

Fenris was dumbstruck, in such a state of shock that he could not bring himself to stop Isabela's tirade. This was personal, he had wrote it the night before to vent his _frustrations_, this was not something that was supposed to be shared. Was this why she had stayed behind? Did Hawke ask him to go simply because she would not? Or did Isabela convince her to, so she could raid his mansion? Whatever the case, he wanted to knock her head right off her shoulders. Yet he couldn't, he knew that it was already too late to change anything, and there was a part of him that truly wanted Hawke to know, though he certainly wouldn't admit it. And Isabela didn't even look at him as she read, but he could feel her sense of smug satisfaction as she continued, even going so far as make bold movements to emphasize her words, _his_ words.

_"Oh, the things I would do to her if only she'd let me, if only I could tell her. I've imagined how it would happen many times, played through it countless nights._

_And she probably thinks that when I watch her I am doing so out of concern, but my intentions are not always so noble._

_I do not wish to be perceived as a hound though, I truly care about her, and it pains me to be away from her. I find myself often making unneeded visits to her home, just to see her face._

_It is a foolish want though, she is our leader, and she would never desire me as I do her, I am only to spend my days dreaming."_

Then Isabela folded it up, sat down, and waited. Anders and Varric shared the same curious, and lewd look, Sebastian seemed almost ashamed, but it was Merril that first broke the silence. "Oh," her voice full of adoration, "That was so pretty! And here Varric was telling me that you only write crude things!" Which of course caused the dwarf to laugh aloud.

Then it was silent again, Isabela and Hawke sharing an intense stare, and then Hawke threw her head back laughing. It was a loud, full laugh, one of genuine amusement. Fenris could not help but feel slightly emasculated.

"Oh, you're in _love_ with me now, Isabela! Aw, that's sweet, and I would be blushing a furious shade of red had it come from anyone but you!" At her words Fenris felt hope rise through his chest, and sink just as fast when he realized that she still had yet to find out it was him.

"Were those words, _alluring_ to you then, if they would not have been mine?" Isabela asked.

"I don't know any woman who would say otherwise."

"Then I suppose it is a good thing they are not!" She proclaimed, setting the refolded note in front of Hawke, who went to open it again, but stopped midway. "What's the matter, love?"

"If you're giving this to me it must mean that upon opening it I will know who truly wrote it, correct?" Hawke saw through her facade, and proceeded to dismantle it.

Isabela nodded sheepishly.

"And it is undoubtedly someone at this table, seeing as you felt it necessary to read it to all of them?" Hawke's voice had a harsh edge to it.

Another nod, accompanied this time with her trademark smirk.

"So I am to open this, figure out this little mystery you've spun, gasp and stare at the culprit, and cause them to become completely and utterly embarrassed in front of the rest of our companions?"

"Yes, aside from Aveline." Isabela said, totally sure of her plan.

"Well, as ingenious as you are, and as much effort as you have put into this, I'm afraid I have to decline." Hawke foiled the pirate's plot. Fenris wasn't sure that he was actually hearing this, that he could possibly be this lucky.

"Why?" Isabela practically shouted.

"Because, my dear friend, as happy as I am that you've brought this to my attention, and as much as I know how you love public humiliations, my conscience will not allow me to do this. What may seem fair game to you, I'm sure is quite personal to whomever this belongs to." Isabela simply made an exaggerated frown. Hawke continued, "Now, unless we have something else to attend to I think it's time to call it a night."

And once again silence fell upon them, but it was far more brief this time as Sebastian stood, "I, for one, commend you on your choice, Hawke." And he left, followed in line by the rest of them, aside from Varric and Isabela, of course. Anders wanted to speak before he went, but the look on Hawke's face was sternly telling him to leave, a look she had picked up from her time spent with Aveline no doubt.

* * *

><p>Although her stride would not have shown it, Hawke was quite eager to get home, Isabela's mystery note in hand. She was nearly irritated by Bodahn's frenzied greeting. "Ah, messere! You've finally arrived! I hope all is well! We've been well here! Is there anything I can get you?"<p>

"Not tonight Bodahn, give Sandal my best next time you see him, I might be leaving again later tonight." Hawke said as she flitted up the stairs to her bedchamber, and 'flitting' was not something she did often, mind you.

Hawke was a warrior, she felt as though she should not be quite so giddy at this notion of possible _love_, there were more important things that needed her concentration. But from the back of her mind, Aveline's words echoed forth, '_you need to relax_'. She was right, presented the opportunity Hawke had quite liked relaxing, and the idea of someone really feeling this way about her sparked some wonderfully naughty thoughts, she just had to put a face to them.

The writing was blockish, with nothing to distiguish between capital and lowercase letters, all of which were badly formed, and the spelling of almost every word was terribly mangled. It was nearly illegible, but she knew in an instant who had written it, she had been the one to teach him how to. She mouthed his name as she reread the words, _'Fenris...' _

She must have gone over the page ten times before she had made up her mind, she would go to him, she had to, but first she needed a bath.

* * *

><p>As Hawke walked through the cold she became less and less sure how she was going to approach him. What would she say? What would she <em>do?<em> What did she really want from this? Why had she taken the time to put her armor back on? Why was she taking her sword with her? She didn't know. She had absolutely no clue what the answer to any of it was. She stopped, she had _never_ been this unsure about anything, yes, there were things she had doubts about, but she always knew what she was going to do. Thinking about it for a moment she realized that she knew exactly what she was going to do, she had already decided, _go to him_. She didn't need to know what she would do after that, and so she pressed on, determined. Besides, Hawke thrived under pressure.

* * *

><p>There were three loud, hard knocks at his door, just as he was about to grab the handle himself. A rather tense conversation with Isabela had led to this. She was absolutely adamant that he go to see Hawke, and totally ignorant to his fuming anger with her. He assumed the knocking was her, irritated that he had not left yet. He should have known she would stay and wait for him to leave. Fenris wasn't about to go anywhere without his armor and weapon though.<p>

"For the last time Isabela, I said I'm going!" Fenris snarled as he opened the door, his hand held to his face in frustration.

"Going where?" Hawke questioned, her voice far more confident than she felt.

Fenris looked at her, confused, did Isabela go to see her too? "Uh, Hawke, I..." He trailed off.

"Out with it then. Or did you suddenly forget where you were going this late at night?" Her previous insecurity was gone, at the moment she had the upper hand.

"I, was going to see you." Fenris decided that at this pointing lying was futile, and even if he had tried, no one ever got away with lying to Hawke.

And all that insecurity came flooding back. The tense silence between the two made them seem more like combatants, they looked it too. Both of them armored, itching for some way to occupy themselves, the metal that adorned them shining in the light of the dull moon, and they both looked angry. It wasn't anger though, it was something they shared, a latent disposition of hostility. Instinct told them both that 'confronting a problem' meant beating it over the head and chopping all of its limbs off. But neither of them looked the other in the eye, they both looked awkwardly at the ground, if only they knew how similar their thoughts really were.

"Well, I'm here. Do you want to go inside, or talk out here in the cold?" Hawke spoke softly with a faint smile. It was a tone he had never heard from her before.

Fenris cleared his throat, "Yes, we should go inside."

They walked to the same room where one of Fenris's most vivid memories of Hawke lived. It had once been filled with her raucous laughter as she watched wine drip down the wall. Fenris had been offended, she was laughing at him! When he got angry with her about it she simply became more amused, eventually explaining that her laughter was not directed at him, but at the fact that the stain the wine left on the wall was identical to the blood stain in the main hallway. Upon examining it he found that she was absolutely correct, and wound up letting loose one of the first small chuckles that he would come to know as a customary response to Hawke's rather dark sense of humor.

So they sat there, facing the fire, quiet. It was once again Hawke that shattered the silence between them. "I am not certain what to say, but I know that there is something to be said, I simply cannot find the words for it." She spoke slowly, eloquent as she always was, but in the same soft tone she had used at the door.

"Then we are in the same predicament." Then it settled over them once again, a silence that seemed forced. It was then that Fenris realized it, he _had_ heard that voice before, but only once. When it came to dealing with serious situations, or at least ones that did not involve her companions, Hawke was a woman with a mean wit. When she wasn't being sadistically amusing she was direct and aggressive. There was a single time though that she spoke with the same kind of softness her voice carried now. It was when she spoke her last words to her mother.

He was unsure quite what that meant, were these to be her last words to him? Did he offend her that badly? Or was it that she held him with the same reverence as she did her family? Did she see the situation to be just as serious? His questions were answered, however, by her sudden reply.

"You could have just asked me." He took his eyes off the fire to look at her, and she stared right back. She was even more beautiful in the wavering light, her eyes shining expectantly. He needed no more words.

He lunged at her, almost knocking her off the short stool she sat on. His hand tugged sharply at her hair, forcing her head to tilt back as his mouth crashed into hers. She pushed back, maneuvering the two of them upright, their armor letting out a loud cry as it slammed together. It was a heavy, hard, angry kiss, and it was just what they both needed, furious with themselves for waiting this long. They were starved for each other, and their blades hit the ground almost simultaneously.

* * *

><p><strong>AN (again):** And there you have it! Disappointed that I didn't write all the _really _steamy stuff? Tell me about it! R&R is how this works! Tell me what I did wrong, tell me what I did right! I'm not sure whether or not I should continue this, it would more than likely be a series of short stories pertaining to this particular Hawke (not _always _smutty, mind you) throughout the course of the game, without a linear plot-line. (One-shots I think you'd call them? Wink-wink.) But if there isn't interest I might not. And yes, I _do_ have a soft spot for Aveline, and I don't think enough people give her the credit she deserves.


	2. The Captain's Request

**A/N:** I'm sorry that this is so much shorter than the last one! Oh, your feedback has been just amazing, thank you so much, and keep it up! Enough though, down to business! This piece is actually going to be in two parts, and it takes place _before_ Cheating. This is more on the humorous side (even though I don't know if anyone else actually finds this funny) than the previous as well, but you'll still love it! (I hope!) It pertains primarily to Aveline, but don't let that discourage you! I was wondering how it might go if she hadn't chickened out at the Hanged Man. Aveline and Isabela conversations are my _favorite!_ I hope you all are as amused by this take on Hawke's response to the situation as I was when it was just in my head. And don't worry, the next short story will be _super_ romantic and junk.

* * *

><p>A strangled cry rang out from behind them and the vanguard stopped short, turning on their heels and drawing their weapons as they had so many times before. Hawke surveyed the scene, the click of a readied bolt, the light reflected off of Aveline's poised shield, Merril flailing wildly at thin air, the low growl of her maba- wait! Merril doing what? Hawke seemed to notice at the same time Varric and Aveline did as they lowered their weapons to stare on in amazement.<p>

Merril's shrieking finally calmed and her erratic motions slowed to a stop. She took an awkward step back to lean heavily against a large oak, panting in fearful exhaustion.

"Uh... Daisy?" Varric questioned as he trotted up to her. Varric never walks, he trots.

"I- I- There was-" The meek Dalish woman tripped over her words before she exclaimed, "spider!"

Hawke and Aveline had taken their place at Merril's side as well, and the Guard-Captain had to turn her head to hide her smirk. Varric outright snickered.

"What? A spider? Our own tree-hugging, grass-loving, Dalish _blood mage_ is afraid of an itsy-bitsy spider?" Varric's sarcasm was not helping the situation, as Merril seemed honestly frightened. She hadn't even regained her ability to breathe yet.

"Didn't we just get done slaughtering a whole cavern full of those things? And you were beating down on them with an iron fist!" Aveline's attempt to help came out more like an insult.

"_Stone_fist, technically." How very Hawke of her to make a joke at a time like this.

"Well, those are big! This one was small and... and..." Merril's squeaky, breathless voice trailed off.

"This is starting to sound strangely familiar." Varric groaned.

"He's right though! I just never thought about it! You can always see the big ones, but the little ones can do just awful things and you can't- you can't stop them!" Merril was speaking of a similar instance in which Anders had expressed his dislike of the miniature eight-legged fiends.

"Hawke, talk some sense into her! We need to go home!" Aveline's temper was quick today, something had been bothering her lately.

"She's right, Aveline." Hawke had taken a sudden somber view of the situation.

"Wh- What?" Varric spoke, shocked. Aveline made a disgruntled noise under her breath.

"Personally, I don't agree with the existence of anything that has more that four legs." Hawke said with an angry edge to her voice.

"Why not?" Merril's curiosity got the better of her.

"Name one good thing with more than four legs." Hawke waited a moment, but when she got no reply, as she had expected, she continued, "Exactly. They're demon sent, I tell you."

"Ah! Then you should have no problem Daisy!" Varric's joke struck the group with a much more light-hearted mindset.

"That's not funny, Varric!" Merril said, laughing despite herself.

And so the gang trudged back to town, Merril and Varric headed to Lowtown and Hawke and Aveline to Hightown, taking little time with goodbyes.

"It amazes me that a girl that sweet and naive could get herself wrapped up with a demon." Aveline gave a solemn shake of her head as they walked.

"I wish I could do more than just trying to talk her out of it, but I'm afraid she's made up her mind." Hawke shared the same gesture as her elder.

"It's going to take something drastic, and with demons _'drastic'_ is never good."

"_Nothing_ is good with demons."

"Oh lords, Hawke, this is far too depressing."

"You brought it up!" Hawke smiled with her retort.

"So I did." Aveline took a deep breath before approaching a new subject. "Hawke, would you, mind helping me with something tomorrow?"

"For you? Of course. I don't have anything planned that would take precedent."

"No angry Qunari? Not a single rampant mage?" Aveline asked with mock surprise.

"I'm sure I could find some if I looked hard enough, but your plight is far more important!" Hawke tilted her head with a smirk.

"You might not say that come tomorrow." Aveline nervously scratched her head. "Thank you for this Hawke, it means a lot to me."

* * *

><p>"What do you mean we aren't going to the Rose today? What could possibly be more important than gawking at that pretty little Jethann?" Isabela cried, quite upset by Hawke's announcement that plans had changed. She slammed her fist on the table, feigning anger, or at least Hawke assumed it was a feint.<p>

"That's not why we were going, Isabela." Fenris was quite curt with his reply.

"It should have been." Isabela snorted. "What are we doing anyway?"

"Don't sound so enthusiastic." Hawke's taste for sarcasm was impeccable. "We're going to help Aveline with something."

"You mean you're pulling me away from pure debauchery to help out a woman who utterly despises me?" Isabela raised an eyebrow.

"She doesn't despise _you,_ just everything you say and do."

"Oh, well that's comforting." Isabela bit back.

"Are we going to go or not?" Fenris interjected with a rather annoyed look on his face. Hawke nodded and the three of them left the Hanged Man and started the trek up to Hightown. There was a long, uncomfortable silence, at least there was for Isabela. Hawke and Fenris had no problem with quiet, in fact, they both preferred it. Isabela, however, was quite fond of conversation, and awkward conversation at that.

"So, have you two like, _done it_ yet or not?" Isabela said with a quaint smile.

Hawke made a disgusted sound in her throat and Fenris blushed furiously, or at least he would have if he weren't so tan. "Is that a yes or a no?" Isabela inquired, when she didn't get a response she continued with a "Hmmm?"

"No, Isabela, just, no!" Hawke barked, irritated. Sex was not on her _To Do_ list, at least not now.

"But you _are _planning on it, right?" Isabela asked, quite pleased with herself.

"There's just no stopping you is there?" Hawke muttered.

"Ah-ha! You didn't say no!" Isabela cheered, making sure she was at _least_ a swords-length away from Hawke.

"I certainly didn't say yes!" Hawke replied, furiously, I might add.

Isabela seemed to think for a moment, "I remember having a very similar conversation with you about Anders..."

"And what? You're surprised that I don't sleep with every man we come across? That's your job, slattern." Hawke used a word she had picked up from Aveline, she would have to thank her for it later.

"No..." Isabela said with an unaffected chuckle, "I just don't seem to recall you denying _that_ anywhere _near_ as vehemently as this, and certainly no where near as flustered as you are!"

Fenris was pretending not to notice them, but by now it was impossible. He was having trouble not laughing at the situation, he wasn't sure if it was Isabela's humor or Hawke's frustration, or perhaps the fact that Hawke's cheeks were a delightful shade of blotched pink.

"Shut up, whore." Hawke said with a dejected stare.

"Oh... I'm _so_ telling her that you're stealing her lines!" Isabela chuckled yet again, she had achieved whatever goal she had set out to.

"She'll be quite proud, I'm sure." When the subject finally turned to Aveline Hawke regained her composure.

* * *

><p>The Captain of the Guard paced back and forth in her office, nervously fingering the copper relief. <em>'Damn it, Hawke, where are you?' <em>It felt like the walls were closing in on her, not that the room was very big to begin with. The last time she had been this unsure of anything was just before she had married Ser Wesley. _'But that turned out perfectly! This will be perfect too then! No, Aveline, that's the exact same thing you thought when you cut your own hair.' _

"Oh, Aveline, where are you?" Isabela half sang as she made her way into the barracks.

"She's in her office, of course. Why would you even ask?" Fenris had a rather confused look on his face.

"I want her to know I'm here, so she can get a jump on thinking of names to call me! I'm sure she's got a ton in that little head of hers." Isabela let out a short, but overly loud laugh, "I said _little!_"

"Oh Maker, it _was_ your voice I heard." Aveline scowled as Hawke and her troupe waltzed into the office.

"And I was _so_ looking forward to seeing you." Isabela made a similar face in return.

"What did you need from me, Aveline?" Hawke quickly changed the subject.

"I, well," Aveline seemed jumpy, "you have to promise not to laugh at me, Hawke."

"Of course."

"I'm not promising anything!" Isabela remarked.

"I wasn't talking to you, harlot." Despite her jumpiness Aveline was still quick on the uptake.

"Ah, and here I thought you'd start off with 'trollop' today!"

"Don't worry, I'll get around to it."

"That's my girl." Isabela said with a discerning nod.

"Ugh. Anyway, Hawke, I need you to give this to guardsman Donnic." Aveline handed Hawke a piece of copper that had been imprinted with an image of marigolds. "Don't tell him who it's from, just give it to him, then come back and tell me his exact reaction. It's very important."

Hawke shrugged, "Alright." She turned to leave and her team followed.

"Wait!" Aveline called and the group stopped just short of the door, "You aren't going to question this, no snarky remarks?" Her question was obviously pointed at Isabela.

"Oh no, I'm going to wait for your plan to fail miserably before I get to those." Isabela winked.

"Shut up, whore." Aveline shook her head.

"That's not the first time I've heard that today!" Isabela laughed as they headed out on their 'mission'.

It was hardly a stone's throw away, and Donnic was present, as was expected. Hawke walked up to him and practically thrust the relief in his face, she was not one for pleasantries today. "This is for you. It isn't from me, but it's for you nonetheless."

He look confused. Bewildered. Constipated? It certainly wasn't what Aveline was looking for, at least Hawke hoped it wasn't. "I, uh, who is this from, Hawke?"

"I was instructed not to tell you." Direct and to the point, that's how this should be handled, at least in Hawke's opinion anyway.

"Well, thank you?"

"You're welcome." And with that Hawke walked away, right back into Aveline's office.

"So, how did it go?" Aveline asked, intrigued.

"About as well as a dwarf riding a dragon, I'd say." Isabela's comment made Fenris laugh.

"I'm sure Varric has a few stories about that." Fenris added.

"Where do you think I got the idea from?" Isabela said, as though it should be obvious.

"Enough! Hawke, is she right?" Aveline's intrigue had turned to concern.

"I, think so. I don't get it though, I thought you were perfectly clear. Metal is strong, copper ages well, flowers are soft." Hawke spoke her mind.

"I know! That was my intended message! How could he have not gotten it?"

"Really? You two agree on this? You're the only two people in all of Thedas that would get that!" Isabela was stunned, she'd expected something like this from Aveline, but Hawke?

"Fenris, did you get it?" Hawke questioned, assuming the answer would be yes.

"Not until you explained it just now."

"But it makes sense, right?" Aveline countered.

"I suppose." Fenris shrugged.

"Ugh, Hawke, what am I going to do?" Aveline exclaimed, exasperated.

"A dowry, that should do it." Hawke's answer was quick and precise.

"That's perfect!" Aveline agreed, clapping her hands together.

"No! No! No! You two are daft! Just talk to the man, Aveline!" Isabela yelled, terribly frustrated. She might have been at odds with the Guard-Captain most of the time, but she was still her friend in an unconventional way, and this was incredibly painful to watch. The entire time Fenris just stood there, snickering to himself.

"I, well, would that work? I don't think I really have the coin for a dowry..." Aveline still firmly believed in the dowry idea.

"Of _course_ it will! That's just how it's done. Have him meet you in the Hanged Man or something, duh."

"But how would that look? The Captain asking to meet privately with-" Aveline was cut off.

"Hawke will ask him, and then you'll show up, obviously." Isabela remarked.

"Yeah, I could do that." Hawke added.

"Are, are you sure?"

"Well yes, why would I agree to it if I wasn't sure?"

"Correct, I suppose it could work that way. Tonight then?"

"I don't see why not." With that Hawke turned to leave the room, Fenris and Isabela following in stride.

"You're coming to the Hanged Man, tonight, for drinks." Hawke demanded, causing Donnic's face to morph in surprise.

"I... am?" He asked.

"Yes, you are." Hawke bluntly confirmed.

"May I ask why?"

"Well, I wasn't told _not_ to tell you so-" Hawke started to reveal the intentions of the trip.

"We're just having a gathering that we thought you should come to! You'll have a lot of fun, promise! You might even learn a few secrets." Isabela winked.

"I- uh, alright, I can do that." Donnic nodded, still utterly confused.

"We'll see you there then!" Isabela said, pulling on Hawke's arm to escort her from the room.

There was planning to be done, Isabela had the sneaking suspicion that Aveline would try to run from this venture, so she would be certain to stop her. This would not end in failure, Isabela was sure, besides, then she would have a reason to tease Aveline for once!

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Huh? Huh? How'd I do? I really hope I'm not the only one that sees Aveline and Isabela as secret best friends. This chapter isn't nearly as M-rated as the first, I feel like I should go add some swearing or something... Nah, there'll be enough in the next part. (I'm toying with the idea of a _drunk_ Aveline! Yes? No?) As a side note, I really don't like that I can't have two bits of punctuation at the end of a sentence. I have trouble writing when I can't put an exclamation point _and_ a question mark.


	3. The Captain's Relief

**Author's Note:** I am _so _sorry that this took so long! I lost inspiration and real life was a bitch, and excuses, excuses. I'm not happy with the end, but I really hope you like it. I had a wonderful reviewer remind me that Aveline 'really knows her spirits' which lead me to come up with a much more entertaining route for this story. I understand that part of it isn't exactly chronological, but if it was it would give too much away too soon! By the way, I'm looking for a beta reader, not just for beta-ing, but I also would really appreciate someone to bounce new ideas off of, if you're interested, let me know!

* * *

><p>"This is an awful idea, Isabela." Hawke's tone was monotonous and accompanied with a slow shake of her head.<p>

"Does that mean no?" Isabela asked in reply.

"No."

"So yes?"

"No."

"Gawd, Hawke, could you be just a _little_ less like the Qunari for one minute? This is for Aveline after all." Isabela groaned in frustration, Hawke wasn't usually this abrupt. Maybe it had something to do with the incredibly awkward conversation on the way to the Barracks this morning? Oh well, she would make it better by teasing Fenris later, she was good at that teasing thing.

"Ugh, fine, I suppose. But why is it that you need _me_ to do this? Can't you?" Hawke sighed.

"_Hey Aveline, drink this!_" Isabela mocked, "How well do see that going over?"

"I... You have a point. What exactly do you need from me?"

"Well..." And Isabela proceeded to spell out her plan.

* * *

><p>Hawke mixed a quarter of the tar-like substance with enough liquor to dilute it to a thin paste before setting it down in front of Aveline, she was sure not to tell the Captain exactly what she was mixing it with.<p>

"Are you sure about this, Hawke?" Aveline eyed the black liquid in the mug before her with suspicion.

"Of course I am! It'll be perfect!" Hawke had an incredibly convincing smile painted on her face.

"I mean, will it really work?" Aveline questioned.

"What harm could it do if it doesn't?"

"You got it from the Emporium! It would be more accurate to say 'what harm _couldn't_ it do!' I don't even know what half the ingredients on the label are!" Aveline protested.

"Well you know what it _does_ say! '_Everything your heart desires, desiring you._' And hell, I went through the embarrassment of buying it, the least you can do is drink it!"

"Eh, I guess you're right, besides, there's no sense in _not_ going all out." And Aveline chugged the foul stuff down with a grimace.

* * *

><p>It was dark. It was grim. It looked precariously close to collapsing in on itself. It was ridiculously hard to find. It was the Black Emporium.<p>

It took Hawke a good half-hour to find the two potions she was looking for, the first had a thin lace wrapping around it's cork and a pink, almost gaseous substance seemed to swirl inside it. Hawke couldn't even see the actual liquid of the second, or at least she thought she couldn't. The bottle looked like tar, but she would find out soon enough that that wasn't the bottle at all.

"Are you sure you want that?" A loud voice boomed as she set her purchase on the counter.

"Yes, why?" Hawke answered in question.

"That nasty one you have there makes people spew the truth out their earlobes! After a few hours, that is. Can you just imagine what alcohol would do to that?"

Hawke bellowed a heavy laugh, "That's sort of the plan." She thought for a moment while Xenon laughed with her. "And do think I could pay you for just the label on that pink one?" A sly smile spread across her features.

"I like the way you think girl! 5 sovereigns will cover it then!"

* * *

><p>The air was stagnant and it swam with the odor of laziness and deceit. There was only a single heaving of vomit this early in the evening, and luckily that pile of chunks and bile had made it's way onto a particularly nasty patron. Isabela and Varric were stationed at a table not far from the entrance to the Hanged Man, waiting for the arrival of the night's guest of honor, and she soon came.<p>

Aveline strode in drunk on confidence, and unbeknownst to her, a little bit of alcohol, flanked by Hawke and Fenris. He hadn't been totally sure he wanted to be here, he had no doubt Isabela was up to something, but he just couldn't help but come to witness the inevitable disaster. Isabela, Hawke, and Varric all knew exactly what Aveline had been dosed with, but Fenris was not privy at all to the fact that her state had been magically induced, and therefor assumed that she was simply drunk. This led him to the belief that the whole situation would go right into crapper the moment Donnic arrived, but luckily for Aveline, he was incorrect.

Isabela strode over to the Guard-Captain, grabbed her arm and guided her to a small, two person table with a candle in the center and a red napkin on either side. Aveline was surprisingly quick with her reply, "That is incredibly stupid. I'm not a teenage girl, and that candle is terribly ugly, kind of like Varric when he's drunk."

Isabela laughed, "Short, fat and lumpy!"

"And undoubtedly stinky." Aveline added.

"Hey! At least I don't grope everything with a pulse when I'm intoxicated!" Varric shot back, less concerned with Aveline, but that was mostly because he didn't have anything bad to say about her. Well, that and he didn't want to get beaten back to the Stone.

Isabela and Aveline took their place at the wide table that was decidedly the harbor for tonight's events. Hawke and Fenris had already taken their places, leaving one empty chair.

"So, when did you tell lover boy to be here?" Varric directed his question at Hawke.

"Ten, twenty minutes from now. Just depends how fast he can walk." Hawke replied nonchalant.

"It's not his walking I'm concerned with, it's his... _swordplay._" Aveline interjected.

"Oh Maker, Aveline, was that- was that a _sex_ joke?" Isabela asked, stunned.

"Why yes it was. Just because I haven't had any since Wesley died doesn't mean I don't still know how it works."

No one spoke. No one moved. No one so much as took a breath. Until Hawke that is, "This is the worst idea I have ever agreed to."

"Really Hawke, _really_? None of your other ventures top this? Not the time you willingly traipsed into the Fade? Not the time you agreed to retrieve deadly Qunari poison? _This_ is the worst?" Aveline said with an incredibly condescending look on her face.

"Undoubtedly." Hawke backed up her statement. She believed it, too, she could fight that; she couldn't fight _love_.

"You know Hawke, you're a cow." Aveline said after a few moments of awkward silence.

"Oh, I'm a cow, am I?" Hawke was unsurprised by her sudden comparison, it was one of the side-effects, after all.

"Yes, Hawke, a_ cow_." Aveline acted as though it should be obvious why, "You do what you want, when you want, and if anyone tries to tell you differently you stand stock-still and make that face at them. Like a cow."

"Personally, I much preferred your comparison of Varric and the candle." Isabela said with a snicker.

"Shut up, Isabela, don't even get me started on you."

"What could you possibly have to say about little old me!"

"Little! Have you seen yourself! You have more curves than- than- something curvy!"

"I can't tell if that was a compliment or an insult." Varric added.

"It was compliment! Of course! Isabela is gorgeous! If I looked anything like her I could have Donnic falling all over me, no problem, but the Maker cursed me with fire for hair and a speckled face! Not to mention that I'm built like a golem." Aveline's remarks made Isabela smile, and that smile grew far, far wider when she saw the torrent of emotion crossing the face of the man that stood behind her.

Donnic hadn't been standing there very long, but he had most definitely heard the 'falling all over me' part. For the first moment it was shock, but as the moment passed he looked honestly intrigued. Something close to Isabela's scheming look came over him, as though he were looking for words, and the courage to approach his Captain. Luckily, Isabela was the only one that had noticed him, and took full advantage of it while he mustered up his bravado. "And what exactly do you think about Donnic, Aveline?"

She didn't hesitate a moment, "He's so nice to everyone, and he's so nice to me... I really hope it isn't just because I'm his boss. And he's beautiful, I don't know why he doesn't have a woman already. He always knows just what to say, too, and when he smiles it just makes my whole day." And then Aveline looped back to her constant insecurity, "But then I've got this stupid hair and this stupid face!"

That seemed to be all Donnic needed to hear, he stepped forward and placed a hand on Aveline's shoulder. She jerked around to look at him, her face morphed into instant horror, but before she could speak, he did. "I happen to like your stupid hair and your stupid face."

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><p><strong>Author's Note: <strong>I just couldn't write anymore of those two! But I hope it worked. Tell me in the reviews! And don't forget about my beta-proposal if you're into that sort of thing. If you aren't a beta, but you're still willing to hear story ideas, send me a message too! (I don't bite.) Luckily, I know _exactly_ how my next installment is going to go, so it shouldn't be nearly as much of a wait!


	4. A Simple Solution

**A/N: **I promise this one is totally Aveline-free. That's done with. This occurs directly after Cheating, and it _will _have another (super smutty) part. I was going to put it all together, but I just had to get this up, I couldn't wait. And then end line is a pretty phenomenal ending, at least I think so. BUT ANYWAY, this stems from my boiling rage at Fenris deciding he was just gonna leave, and the fact that you didn't have the most obvious option to fix it. If the sex is the problem, _stop having sex._ I know, I know, stop sleeping with Fenris? That's preposterous! Alright, enough rambling, enjoy!

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><p>Their night together had been amazing, for lack of a more appropriate term. It was exactly what the two of them needed, but here, on the verge of the morning, a problem had arose.<p>

Hawke stirred at the first sign of movement, but remained silent. There had been no need for the two to disentangle from each other, both were so unused to the closeness of it all that they had actually slept back-to-back instead of in the embrace so often attributed to lovers. Her gut instinct told her that something was amiss, and her gut was never wrong. Oh, but how dearly she wanted it to be wrong. She had finally given herself to someone, someone she actually cared about, someone she was sure cared about her, but now she wasn't so sure. An over-reaction, that had to have been what it was, Fenris had only gotten out of bed, he wasn't leaving her, he was just, just... What the hell was he doing? Hawke heard no more sound, had he left so quietly? No, that wasn't like Fenris, even if he was going to leave her, he wouldn't do it like that. He wouldn't, right? Right.

The sinking of the bed when he sat solemnly beside her mimicked the sinking of her heart, as cliche as that sounds. Hawke pulled herself upright and leaned back on her elbows, the sheets sliding down her torso. Fenris held his head in his hands, looking distinctly like a kicked puppy, and that's when she was sure of it, this was the end of the road. She said nothing, just waited for him to explain himself, she wasn't about to start pleading with him like a teenage girl.

"I- Hawke, I, thank you, this was _wonderful,_ but," And there it was, the almighty 'but', Hawke felt the burn of tears forming in her eyes, but her face betrayed nothing. In her case, the role of the eldest sibling also came with a penchant for stoicism. Fenris stopped there, staring at her blank face, waiting for her to speak, but she didn't, so after a long, awkward silence, he continued, "I can't do this. My, my memories, they all came flooding back in flashes, and then went, just as fast. I can't handle it. I don't- I'm sorry, Hawke, I should go."

So she did what she always did when she was sad, she got angry. Hawke believed that anger was much more manageable, and effective, than sadness was. She clenched her jaw and sat straight up, her eyes narrowed, and for a moment, Fenris was certain that she was going to try to kill him, but instead, she inhaled deeply and pushed the air back through her teeth. Then, in the most monotonous voice she could muster (because if it wasn't for monotony, she would have sounded ferocious) she asked, "Why?"

And in true Fenris fashion, when met with hostility, he responded in kind. "What do you mean 'why?' I just told you! Do you have any idea what it's like to have no memory of who you are or what you've been through? Yet alone to have it all come back at once!" He shot up from the bed and towered over her, using his height to generate a threatening posture. It didn't work. Hawke would not be intimidated. She retained the same demeanor, although slightly louder to be sure.

"No, Fenris, worse, I know _exactly_ what I've been through. I don't have the convenience of being able to just forget losing _my_ family." Okay, maybe she shouldn't have said that, but she did; angry Hawke didn't really have any sort of filter on her mouth, she just said whatever the hell came to her mind that would be sufficiently painful enough. It worked. Fenris was instantly furious, all glowing and growling and balling his fists.

"_Convenience!_ You think what Danarius did to me was _convenient? _How dare you say that to me!" He was within inches of her face now, his nostrils flared, his every breath falling on her face. She had won, the second he had given into his anger he had lost this fight. When it came right down to it, sure, Fenris was stronger, faster, but Hawke was smarter, and in this case, that was all that mattered.

She no longer had any use for anger, her face relaxed and she leaned back on her elbows again, "I said nothing of the sort Fenris." The corner of her mouth turned up so slightly that it was hardly noticeable, save for how her eyes mirrored the snide expression.

"Are you fucking kidding me? That is _exactly _what you said!" This was what he hated about Hawke, and what he loved about her, when it wasn't focused on him. She wasn't a storyteller, that was Varric's job, but she could twist words better than anyone in Kirkwall. Oh, and the way she could be so nonchalant about this, when she should be terrified of him! But she just laid there, if there was ever any fear in her, it never showed.

"Is not." She said with a dismissive shake of her head. It was starting to seem rather childish, and it reminded her of her arguments with Carver. _'I'm better with the sword than you! Are not! Are too!'_

"Is too!" Hawke had to suppress a laugh, "What, pray tell, could you possibly have said if not that? Hmm?" Fenris was rightly angry, but he had to maintain it, it was very difficult to be angry with Hawke, especially when she should be angry with him.

But Hawke's demeanor changed yet again, she spoke with a calm, sincere tone, and sat up to place a hand on his shoulder, which he begrudgingly did not shove away on instinct. "I did not mean to say that what Danarius did was convenient, what I _did _mean to say is that your excuse for leaving _is_. You sat there and told me that you had to leave because it was _too hard._ Do you have any idea how _weak _that sounds? That you're just going to run away from your problems? You are _not _weak Fenris, you never have been, don't start now."

Fenris didn't know know what to say, he wanted to be mad at her, but she was right. He sunk back to the bed, head in his hands yet again. Hawke removed her hand from him and sat beside him, folding her hands in her lap. She didn't look at him, she felt as though he wouldn't want her to, not like this. "You told me that there's a point where you have to stop running and face your problems. Don't-" Hawke's voice faltered for a moment, "please don't run from me for three years before you face me, don't make me feel like I'm on his level."

Fenris hadn't even realized that his actions could take this turn, it wasn't what he wanted at all. He had never meant to make her feel like she was a problem, he still loved her, he wasn't about to say out loud, but still, this was not the way it was supposed to go. When he looked at her, sitting there in her smalls, she looked almost vulnerable, almost. Her face was still stone, it always was, well, when she wasn't smirking or angry, those seemed to be the only two faces she had. Watching her now, he couldn't believe he had ever been mad at her, that he had even considered just walking away. Her parents were dead, her siblings were dead, the only family she had left was an uncle she hardly knew, and what she did know she didn't like. He couldn't leave her, even if they weren't going to be _together_, he wouldn't end it like this. "No, Hawke, no, you can't possibly think that!" He spoke in a low voice, "I just can't handle _intimacy_, not yet, not now. With Danarius at my heels I can't afford to be constantly torn apart by memories of my past."

Hawke turned to face him, "Is- is that really why you were leaving? You think that's all I want from you?"

"Well, that is what a relationship is, is it not? I, I care for you, but I cannot give you that." Fenris truly believed that all a _relationship _could be was sex. Living in the Imperium had incorrectly led him to such a conclusion, and Hawke actually pitied him for it.

"Fenris, no, that has absolutely nothing to do with it. If that's what a relationship is, then Isabela has hundreds of them." Hawke smiled, warm, much warmer than she was to anyone else, and Fenris actually let out a weak chuckle at her attempt at a joke.

"Then, what is it?" He asked, wanting to learn, as always.

"It's," Hawke had trouble explaining emotions, her words never failed her so badly as they did when she spoke of love, but she managed, "it's someone to be with, someone that you care for regardless of their faults. It's caring about another person more than anyone else. It's when two people support each other, and stand by them, no matter what they face." She shrugged at him and cocked her head to the side, almost unsure of the words she had said.

Fenris was quiet for a moment, processing what Hawke had said, and then leaned in and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. "I think, I think I can handle that."

* * *

><p>And so it continued, the two of them had absolutely <em>no sex<em>, none, not even a little bit, but they were happy. They acted exactly the same around their other companions, and eventually, as the weeks passed, even Isabela's jokes died down. No one suspected a thing, but every night when Hawke would take a book over to Fenris's mansion, she would stay. They would talk, as they always did, but when it came time for the reading lesson and idle chatter to come to an end, instead of leading her to the door, Fenris would lead her to his bed. They would rid themselves of their armor and fall asleep, Hawke's head on his chest, her arm draped across him. They would wake early, talk, eat, even the occasional sparring match would dot their mornings. Hawke was always out and about early, so when the people at the Estate would find her gone they thought nothing of it.

It was perfect. It was complete and fulfilling. Yes, the desire for intimacy was still there, but both of them understood that it wasn't time, and they cared for each other enough that it didn't matter. All good things come to an end though.

* * *

><p>There was nothing ominous at all about that day, no prior warning or foreshadowing that would have told Hawke what would happen. She didn't even know anything was wrong until she walked into the mansion, but as soon as she did she could practically <em>feel<em> the raw rage in the air, and it was dark, far, far too dark. If Fenris was here she would be able to see him, he kind of had this glowing thing going on, you know? She stepped forward and closed the door, and started to make for the rooms in the back, working mostly on memory as her eyes adjusted to the dark.

Her eyes caught him a moment too late, as she stepped into the very next room she was shoved back against the wall by the door frame. Fenris had her pinned, her arms held at her side, his whole body pressed hard against her as he stared her down, "What the fuck did you think you were doing?"

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><p><strong>AN: **Can anybody guess what three words in there made me bust up laughing so hard that I just couldn't bring myself to change them? Does anyone have a guess about 'what the fuck Hawke was doing'? Okay, anywho, reviews are amazing and they make me really giddy/giggly (and remind me that I'm not writing for just myself), but don't worry, even without reviews I will keep going!


	5. Dissent

**A/N: **It's finally here! And I'm pretty much 100% sure that you're going to love it! (At least I hope so.) The reason that the romance doesn't take place on the same time-line that the one in game does is because one, this isn't the game, and two, I _really _want to see how some of the quests go while in a finished romance. Forewarning, this a warrior!Hawke, as you know, but I never mentioned specialization, which in this case are Templar and Berserker, I wouldn't normally make a point to tell you, but it's pertinent information. Oh, and I LOVE all of my reviews! You guys make this worth doing, and TamaraAnn1978, the three words were "The Almighty Butt." (Not that they were exactly like that.) Alright, enough talk, enjoy!

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><p>It was a slow, normal morning, Fenris had awoke to a busy Hawke, cooking something that would probably taste awful. Fenris was always confused by her cooking, it smelled wonderful, but it tasted terrible every time. It was better than anything he could make though. It smelled like some sort of stew, which was odd for breakfast, but it was both their favorites, and just so happened to be the only moderately acceptable dish Hawke could make.<p>

She was pouring bowls of the stew when he walked in, "Morning, I hope I wasn't too loud. You seemed awfully content sleeping so I took the liberty of making breakfast." She smiled at him, he would never get enough of that smile, because he knew that it was only his. She was never sweet like this to anyone else, this was _his_ Hawke.

"No, not at all." Fenris stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, dropping his head to her hair for a long inhale. He did this every morning, to remind himself that she was still there, that she would stay with him no matter what, even if he did make a habit of smelling her hair.

Hawke turned in his arms and placed her hands flat on his chest, "Come now, we have food to eat, and if I let you do that for as long as I know you really want to it will most certainly get cold."

He laughed, soft and low, "I suppose so." So they sat at a still dilapidated table and ate, waiting a few minutes before their usual conversation started. "Alright, what's on the agenda for the day?"

"Well," Hawke said, pausing for a moment to think of how to tell Fenris her plans, "Anders asked me to help him with something today, and since you two can't stand each other I was going to take Varric and Aveline."

Fenris's relaxed posture immediately stiffened, "You know I don't like him. I don't understand why you insist on helping him with everything."

"Because he helped me, I would have never got the estate back without those maps." Hawke said, although by now she spent most of her time at Fenris's mansion, leaving the estate all but useless.

"And if he had really _helped _you, maybe your sister wouldn't be dead." Fenris stared at her intently as she slowly set her spoon down and clenched her jaw.

"We've been over this before, Fenris, it was the Deep Roads or the Circle. I would rather not argue again, please, I understand that you don't like him, that's why I'm not going alone." Hawke explained.

"Do you still remember your Templar training?" Fenris asked, knowing that she rarely used it.

"Yes, of course I do."

"Good, do you know when you'll be back?"

"I have no idea, it shouldn't be for more than the day though."

"I assume the stew was a bribe then?" Fenris asked after several long moments, finally smiling again.

"Oh, you know me so well!" Hawke chimed.

Despite how trusting Hawke was of the abomination something still didn't sit right with Fenris, you know, aside from the abomination thing. His suspicions would not die down no matter how hard he tried. He knew it was jealousy, he just didn't know if it was founded or not.

They shared a light goodbye kiss, "Promise you won't be out too late?"

"Promise." Hawke said, and Fenris watched her from the door until she was out of sight.

* * *

><p>"What do you mean you can't go?" Hawke asked, irritated.<p>

"I mean I can't go, I have far too much work to do, being the Guard-Captain isn't easy. Get Sebastian to go, I'm sure he's free." Aveline said over a stack of paperwork.

"Anders and Sebastian don't get along either, and since this is bound to be yet another vigilante Justice mission I need someone that isn't going to piss him off."

"I guess that means Merril is out of the question too, you could always ask Isabela, she gets along with him alright." Aveline hardly looked up while she spoke.

"I suppose so, hopefully her and Varric's incessant rambling doesn't get on his nerves."

"With all the tip-toeing around we've had to do with him, I'm starting to not care about his nerves." Aveline shook her head, "I'll see you around Hawke."

* * *

><p>"Ah, Hawke, there you are! I was wondering when you'd show up!" Isabela had ambushed her outside the Hanged Man.<p>

"Just the girl I wanted to see, are you free today?" Hawke asked.

"For what is undoubtedly going to be a bloody Templar hunt? Of course I'm free!" Isabela's beaming smile was quite mischievous.

"Varric told you? Speaking of, where is he?"

"Uh, well, that's the thing, I'm filling in for him, he drank _way _too much last night and he's still out flat. I think this whole thing with Bartrand is hitting him harder than he lets on." Isabela frowned for a moment, "So it's just you and me today!"

"How do you know we're not still going to get Aveline?" Hawke questioned.

"You, Hawke, are predictable, you do everything in the least amount of time possible. If she was going with us you would have brought her on your way from Hightown. So, unless we're going to take Merril..." Isabela trailed off.

"No." Hawke stated.

"Then it's just you, me, and the second glowing blue man that's in love with you." Isabela raised a suggestive eyebrow as they turned to head to Darktown.

"Oh, this is going to be plenty of fun."

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><p>The are three distinctive parts about Darktown that anyone who has ever been there remembers, the first of which is how it looks, run-down and thoroughly disgusting. The second is the smell, piss, feces, and dirt, not to mention the decay that litters the darkness. The third and final part is the people, if poverty, hunger, and desperation had a face, it would be the face of every poor soul that was privileged to live in Darktown. The clinic was the real reason Hawke always went back to Anders, she hated him for what he was, but she loved what he did, well, most of what he did. There were times when she doubted that the good outweighed the bad, when she truly did blame him for Bethany's death. Then that self-deprecating part of her would return and she'd remember that if there was anyone to blame, it was herself. Hawke was rational enough not to put herself at fault for Carver's death, and her mother died at the hands of someone she never really had a chance to stop, but Bethany... Varric had tried to convince her that it was Bartrand, but Hawke knew that the choice to take Bethany to the Deep Roads ultimately fell on her, and she'd never forgive herself for it. It was her supreme failure, the moment that would forever mark everything she did, every decision she made. So maybe it was that that kept her from cutting ties with Anders, she knew he was no good, that helping him would lead to a mistake, it was in her gut, and her gut was never wrong. But, at the same time, she couldn't stand to see that clinic close, every life that was saved, every brother, every parent, every child, every sister, that made it worth stepping around his feelings all the time, even though their beliefs were so different.<p>

She thought about it every time she walked through the alleys of Darktown to see Anders, and not even Isabela's cheerful banter could pull her out of it. The turn Hawke took from being herself to being this introverted mess was a slow one, so slow that none of her companions that were ever with her noticed it, except for Anders, because he never saw the change, just the result. She never told him what was wrong, he had asked, or course, but she'd deflect. So, after a few times, Anders wouldn't say anything about the sorrow that plagued Hawke's otherwise perfect face, he'd just put his hand on her shoulder and smile as they walked back into his shady excuse for an office, today was no different. It was a gesture that reminder her of the way Carver treated Bethany, no matter how often they butted heads he was always there for her when she was upset. Most would assume that remembering that would make Hawke feel worse, but for her it was better, it was a reminder that Carver and Bethany were still alive, even if it was only the actions of others.

"Varric and Aveline couldn't make it today?" Anders asked.

"Aveline was busy, and-" Hawke started, but Isabela had this awful habit of cutting people off.

"And Varric was hungover, this whole Bartrand thing has made him a frightful mess."

"Ah, I see. Well I'm glad you came, I have quite the bit of news." Anders looked rather somber, "I've become painfully aware of a templar plan that has been coined as 'The Tranquil Solution'. I know it's real, the number of Traquil at the Gallows has increased at an alarming rate, and these are mages that I _know _passed their Harrowing, mages that should have never faced Tranquility. I need to find tangible proof that it exists though. I know that if I can prove it there has to be men that will stand against it."

"And is this a blind hunt? Or do we know where to start?" Hawke asked, practically guaranteeing her aid.

"I know that it's the work of a Templar named Ser Alrik, and that he has a plan to make every mage in Kirkwall Tranquil in three years. He has to be stopped."

"See! I told you! Be very, very quiet, we're hunting Templars!" Isabela piped in, much to Anders' dismay.

Hawke shook her head and rubbed her brow, "Do you have a plan? Or are we just gonna bust as many heads as we have to get an answer?"

"I'm glad you have faith in my methods," Anders spoke sarcastically with a light chuckle, "but not this time, I'm afraid if we go about this too openly it will get worse. I have friends who know a way into the Gallows, a concealed entrance here in Darktown."

"Anders, I'm sorry I have to ask this, but is this a witch hunt? Are you blaming every Templar, or just Alrik?" Hawke watched Anders with concern, squinting in the dim light.

"No, as much as I want to blame all Templars I do not, I understand that doing that is the same as judging all mages as one as well. In this case, I really do hope that the blame lies solely with Ser Alrik."

"Alright, I believe you. What do you know about him?" Hawke asked, worried about the answer.

"He's a sick, twisted, sadistic man that should have never been accepted into the Templars to begin with. I have had a run-in with him before, I and I have no doubt that he is capable of something like this. My information tells me that he's even going to the Divine herself with his _plan._" Anders seethed with rage even talking about him.

"This should be fun then!" Isabela added, taking away from the seriousness of it all. Anders and Hawke had to laugh at her.

* * *

><p>Fenris felt awful about this, he was taking advantage of her hospitality, her kindness, but she <em>had<em> said that he could stay at the estate whenever he wished, she _had_ said every part of her home was open to him, and technically this particular part wasn't even really her home, it was the bottom of the stairwell that led to Darktown. Was he really spying on her? Had he gotten that jealous of the few times that she visited Anders? No, he was just worried about her, Anders was dangerous. Or, at least that's what he was going to tell himself. Besides, he had nothing better to do with his day. It appeared they had already left, the clinic was locked up, so Fenris waited.

* * *

><p>As soon as they stepped into that passage Hawke knew something was going to go terribly wrong, she and Isabela exchanged tense glances, they had the same feeling. Anders was determined though, and there was no stopping him, there was only slowing him down. Everything was going just fine, it was the proverbial calm before the storm though, and Hawke was well aware of that fact. She was acutely aware of it even, which is why she was the first to hear him, though not by much.<p>

"And do you know what happens to mages that disobey!" He bellowed as the trio came up behind him, Anders in such a fit that Hawke had no doubt that this was not going to end peacefully.

"No, Ser, please, I don't want to be Tranquil, I'll do anything!" The girl pleaded with him, just as Anders, Justice, Vengeance, whatever he had become, intervened.

"You will not touch another mage! I will see to it that _no _Templar _ever _touches a mage again!"

The battle was fierce, as fierce as any battle with the Templar Order was. There weren't any truly serious injuries though, a few scrapes, for sure, but for the most part they were all fine. Hawke was tough, Isabela was fast, and Anders, well, there was no need to worry about him in his state.

"I will see every Templar dead for these outrages!" Vengeance called, seemingly unaware that were no Templars around to hear him.

"Calm yourself, Anders." Hawke commanded him as he stepped towards the cowering mage.

"No, get away from me, you demon!" The poor girl raised her hands in defense.

"I am no demon! Are you one of them, to call me such!" Vengeance shouted at her.

"Hawke, you better do something or this is going to go very bad, _very_ fast." Isabela whispered to Hawke, who nodded in return.

"No, Anders, this is a victim, she is not one of them. It is _over._" Hawke tried to negotiate with steadily boiling temper of the spirit.

"It is never over! Every one of them will feel Vengeance's burn!" Then he pulled his hand back, calling whatever magical energy that was going to end this girl's life, a life he had moments ago fought to save, and so Hawke lunged at him. She caught his hand in both of hers and used every ounce of stamina she had left to cleanse him, to negate his magic. She silently cursed Fenris for being right all the time, he had know it would come to this, to having to use Templar techniques to stop him.

For the first time Hawke was surprised at her own strength, she had stopped Vengeance dead in it's tracks, and Anders had returned, but perhaps that was worse. Anders wasn't aware of Hawke's extra talents, he wasn't aware that it was her who stopped him, and he wasn't aware that it was her that he turned and threw into the wall where the girl had been, not until it was too late. He was winding up to stab her through the chest with the sharp end of his staff when he realized it, and then he too, halted his actions. "Ha- Hawke?" He asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, that's me." Hawke said around a cringe, still recoiling from the strength of the blow, it wasn't the first time she had been hurled into a wall though. Isabela ran to her side and lifted one of her arms around her shoulders to hoist her up.

"What the hell is wrong you, Anders? You were gonna kill that girl!" Isabela asked with a disdainful shake of her head.

"I- I, we should go. I'm sorry, Hawke." Anders hung his head and turned to walk away. He walked several feet ahead of them all the way back to the clinic. Hawke was right as rain a few moments in, but Anders couldn't help but feel like he had caused much more damage. There was also Justice screaming from the back of his mind that he was _right_ to hurt her, she was a Templar, she was the enemy. He knew it wasn't the truth, but he couldn't help but hate her for even knowing how to do the things Templars did. More than that he hated that he didn't know the extent of it, he didn't know if she was immune to magic (though thinking about it, she probably was, spells never seemed to affect her), he didn't know if she could silence him at any time, he didn't know where she had learned it all, there was so much he didn't know. It was hate born of fear. He loved Hawke, he always had, but he pushed away from her, and she seemed to accept it. If only he knew that it wasn't that she accepted it, but that she had someone else, someone that meant far more than Anders ever would. He didn't know what to do now, he would question her about it, that much was certain, but her answers would determine whether his feelings remained the same.

* * *

><p>Fenris finally heard the group return, heard Anders unlock the clinic doors and step inside, heard Isabela start to question Hawke. "Since when are <em>you <em>a Templar?"

As soon as Isabela had asked Fenris knew that something was amiss, Hawke never used her talents, it wasn't her life anymore. "Always, I suppose. Carver and I thought it was the best way to keep Bethany safe after our father died, Carver didn't make it into the Order, too undisciplined, but I was a Templar in Lothering right up until the Blight hit. That's why my first year here was so hard, lyrium withdrawals are a bitch."

Isabela giggled a little bit, Hawke didn't often swear to get her point across, "I'll bet! We'll talk more later, I've gotta get back to Varric, are you gonna be alright dealing with him?"

"Of course, the question you need to be asking is whether or not he'll be alright dealing with me, I don't know about you, but I have this sneaking suspicion that this isn't sitting well with him." Hawke winked at Isabela before she walked away, and Hawke stepped into the clinic.

Fenris was lucky he had the view that he had, the angle was just perfect enough that he could see her talking with him through the missing slats in the door, why Anders even bothered to lock it escaped him. He was obviously angry, whatever had transpired today must have been severe.

"You're damn right this isn't 'sitting well' with me! You're a _Templar? _Why are you even helping me? Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you just join up with the Order again when you got here? How can you possibly think that being a Templar could have ever kept your sister safe? And how many mages did you just sit by watch get made Tranquil? You are the _enemy_ and you have been this whole time!" Anders was starting to glow again.

"Are you quite finished?" Hawke asked, obviously angered herself. She waited a moment before she continued, "I didn't tell you because I didn't think I would ever have to _be _a Templar again, the Order here is not the Order I joined. They are corrupt and no longer serve the purpose that they are meant to, that is why I have helped you. This isn't about Bethany and I will not speak of her. I was part of a small Chantry that had only a few Harrowings a year, and yes, in a few of them I _did_ kill the mages that failed, but I will never forget any one of them, I remember every life I took like that."

"You ranked high enough to _kill _mages who failed your test, did you rank high enough perform the Rite of Tranquility?" Anders was still half-shouting.

"Yes, I did. Our chapter was small and I was talented, it was my job and my decision."

"So you didn't just watch it happen, you did it yourself!" Anders was really shouting now, but he wasn't glowing anymore, so Fenris hung back, he knew Hawke could take care of herself.

"Yes, Anders, I did, whenever a Templar found a mage that they thought was out of control it was _my _choice whether they got sent to the Circle Tranquil or not, if you can't handle that you do not have to continue asking for my help." Hawke ground her teeth together to stop herself from shouting back at him.

"And how many was it? How many innocent people did you make Tranquil?"

"One, and he chose it himself. I _never _made a mage Tranquil that couldn't be helped."

Anders didn't know what to say, he had obviously lost that line of anger, he couldn't be upset with her for performing the Rite on someone that asked for it. "Did you know what you were sending them to? I've been in the Circle at Lake Calenhad, I know what it's like! Do you?"

"No, and it wasn't my choice where to send them. All of the mages we caught were sent to the same place, all I did was deem whether or not they were too dangerous."

"So you were an inspector? You just held all that power and you expect me to believe it didn't go to your head?" Anders sat down on the cot they were standing next to and buried his head in his hands, "How am I ever supposed to trust you again when I know that you're strong enough to make me Tranquil in an instant?"

Hawke sat next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, "Anders, you would have killed that girl today if I hadn't stopped you and you're an abomination, but if I was going to make you Tranquil I would have done it by now. You do far too much good and I don't want you hurt."

Fenris was going to be sick, she was being _nice _to him, _sweet. _He _thought_ that Hawke saw Anders as more of a brother than anything, but the look on Anders' face told Fenris without a doubt that being siblingswas _not _what Anders had in mind. With what happened next, he was sure that Hawke must have felt the same way all along.

Anders leaned in wound his fingers through her hair as he kissed her. '_Push him off, Hawke. __Push. Him. Off!' _Fenris thought, but Hawke only placed her hands lightly on Anders' chest, just as she done to him that very morning. He wanted to barge in and stop him, he wanted to rip his head right off of his body, but he just ran. And as he turned to run he saw Anders pushing Hawke back to lie on the cot. In his retreat he could have sworn he heard her cry out to that, thing_, 'Ah, Anders, more!'_

* * *

><p>Her eyes caught him a moment too late, as she stepped into the very next room she was shoved back against the wall by the door frame. Fenris had her pinned, arms held at her side, his whole body pressed hard against her as he stared her down, "What the fuck did you think you were doing?"<p>

"What the hell, Fenris? What are you talking about!" Hawke asked, only half-trying to get away from him, Fenris was never angry for no reason, and as much as losing the advantage scared her, this _was _Fenris after all.

"You know _exactly _what I'm talking about!" He pulled her arms up above her head as to free up one of his hands, which he used to start unfastening the various buckles on the lower section of her armor. Now, _that _confused the hell out of her, why was he angry _and _undressing her?

"No, Fenris, I don't! What has gotten into you?" Hawke twisted her hips, trying much harder to free herself from him, his incredibly dextrous hands already having freed her from the top layer of her armor, but she was still exhausted from the days events. She had always picked armor that took the least hassle, but now she was regretting her decision.

"You! You and that, that thing!" Fenris snarled in her ear, ripping away what he could of her leathers, leaving her standing there with all armor intact, save for the skirt-esque piece he had removed. The only thing standing between him and his prize was a thin pair of panties.

"Wha-" Hawke started to ask again, before it dawned on her _exactly _why he was upset, "Oh..." She trailed off, still a little confused, but why would he be upset about that? And why would he do this, whatever it was that _this _was?

"If you want to be fucked that badly, it will be _me _that fucks you!" He roared at her, and he ripped her underclothes clean off of her. She was breathing heavily and she was incredibly confused, but this was what she wanted, right? The whole time she was with Anders all she could think of was how much she missed Fenris, how much she wanted to get away from that abomination and be with _him. _Why was he this angry though? She hoped that this was some sort of game he had heard of from Isabela, because he wasn't making any sense.

Her thoughts were cut short as he pounded into her in one, clean stroke, totally ignorant of the concept of foreplay. Had he been naked this whole time? She cried out and slammed her head back into the wall, it had been _so _long. Fenris grabbed a fistful of her hair and pulled her head back to him, never withdrawing himself from her. He stared her in the eye, looking more like a beast than a man, "Let's get one thing straight, this _me _doing this to you, you are _mine, _and you will scream _my _name! Do you understand me?" Fenris growled as he gruffly moved the two of them to the cold mansion floor.

"Yes! Yes, Fenris, yes! Please just, just _move!_" Hawke begged.

So he did, their first time together had been frantic and frenzied, but this was angry and primal. Fenris was unrelenting and vicious, and Hawke loved every second of it. She lifted her still-armored legs and called out to him, "Fen- ah- You, you, ah! More! Harder!"

"My name, Hawke! _Say my name!_" He commanded, the lyrium in him pulsing and pounding, making everything that much more intense.

"Fenris!" Hawke called, her moans adding far more syllables than were necessary, and when they came together he crushed his mouth to hers, swallowing her cries.

They laid together like that for an unnameable amount time before they made their way silently to Fenris's bed, removing what armor Hawke had left and laying together in a tense and awkward embrace. Fenris was ready to forgive her, he couldn't stand the idea of being without her, but he wasn't about to let her just get away with this. "Hawke, I love you, but if you _ever _sleep with that abomination again, I swear I'll-"

"What? You think I slept with him!" Hawke asked, bewildered, pushing away from him only slightly.

"I _saw _you. I went to the clinic to make sure you got back all right and I'll admit it was partially jealously but-"

"Stop right there. First of all, I'm certain that it was a lot more than _partially _jealousy, and second of all, you did not stay for the whole thing."

"Why the hell would I?" Fenris was getting angry again.

"Because _nothing happened._" Hawke stated, "Now do you want me to explain what actually occurred?" Fenris only nodded.

* * *

><p>Hawke sat next to him and placed her hand on his shoulder, anything to stop him from being upset like this, he was going to hurt someone, or himself, "Anders, you would have killed that girl today if I hadn't stopped you and you're an abomination, but if I was going to make you Tranquil I would have done it by now. You do far too much good and I don't want you hurt."<p>

He moved so fast, she couldn't risk angering him by shoving him away, and when his lips claimed hers she stiffened, waiting for it to end, but he must have thought that she needed more convincing and he wound his fingers through her hair, doubling his onslaught. She had no strength left, she knew she wouldn't be able to stop him if the spirit took over again, she couldn't make him mad.

She lifted her hands to his chest and gently pushed, trying to stop him, but he took it as encouragement and shoved her back, not that it took much with how weak she was from having to revert to her Templar techniques. Hawke didn't have lyrium to fuel her anymore, so it was a much more drastic experience. So she did the only thing she could think of, she tried to tap into the reserve stores of rage she had felt earlier when he was going to attack that girl, she thought about how much she hated him for this, she thought about how upset Fenris would be if he knew, and she mustered up enough of her Berserk strength to fling him off of her with a wail, "Anders, no more!" She cried.

"I- Hawke- I thought you-" Anders tried to explain as he stumbled to stand.

"No, Anders, just _no. _You're my friend, not _that_!" Hawke struggled to calm herself down, not realizing how bad this rage would affect her. She stood up and stormed towards the door.

"Wait, Hawke!" Anders called, and she stopped, but didn't look at him. "Why can't we be more than that? Please."

She still didn't turn to face him, "Because Anders, when it comes right down to it, while you do good work here, you are an _abomination_, and I will _always _be a Templar, and there will _always_ be a part of me that wants to Tranquilize the shit out of you. Besides, _Fenris_ is waiting for me to get home, I promised him I wouldn't be out too late, he has trouble _sleeping_ without me." She enunciated each word with a harsh sting, and then she left.

* * *

><p>"You- you <em>actually<em> said that to him?" Fenris asked in disbelief.

"Of course I did, why would I lie about something like this? I doubt we're going to see any more of him." Hawke confirmed.

He stared at her, just, stared and stared, trying to find some way to quantify what he felt for her in that moment, how he could ever describe all the ways she'd changed him. She stopped his thoughts with a kiss and laid her hand on his cheek, "You know, that's the first time you've ever said that to me, I think I like it."

"Uh- said what?" Fenris asked, feeling kind of stupid for not know what she was talking about.

"That you love me."

Fenris smiled at her, surprisingly more comfortable with it than he thought he would be, "Oh, that? You'd better like that, because it's not going to stop."

"I love you, too, Fenris." Hawke whispered with a giggle.

They lay in a blissful silence for a few moments before Fenris spoke up, thoroughly surprising Hawke, "We're never going back to _not _having sex, right?"

"Not in a thousand years."

"Good.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **And there we have it! I hoped you liked it! (It's my first published piece of smut, so constructive criticism is welcome. I understand that that segment was probably too short though.) Did you catch Isabela's Bugs Bunny reference? Any suggestions for the next piece, any specific quest you'd want to see? I'm thinking of something really heartbreaking (like half-dead Hawke) for the end of Act 2, and both of Fenris's companion quests! And yes, Anders will be _gone _until his inevitable return at the Gallows. I know, I know, my distaste for Anders is quite evident, but I wouldn't have been so mean if he was Awakenings Anders instead of Terrorist Anders, although I don't really think any of you care. Oh! And I'd love to know if you'd like me to prioritize this or A Rogue's Discretion!


	6. The Strength of a Templar

**A/N: **I had _so_ much fun writing this chapter. Forewarning: There is voyeurism, and it is fabulous. Look out for the Lord of the Rings reference, there's a line in there any fan should remember! (If you don't though, I'm sure I can forgive you.) Oh, and I'm thinking of drawing out Hawke's Templar armor, I do _not _see her following suit. Ah! I forgot to mention, at the word of a reviewer (which made me giggle) this is no longer warrior!Hawke, it isn't Templar!Hawke, it is, and henceforth shall be, serious-business!Hawke. I totally threw a line in there about that, thanks Those who call me T.I.M! Anyway, enjoy!

* * *

><p>The Chantry was a fortress of solitude for Hawke, it was quiet, which let her hear her own thoughts far louder. Occasionally, while she sat praying for guidance the Grand Cleric would rest her hand on her shoulder and then move along, but the only person she really knew here was Sebastian. She came in once a week to contemplate, she was not a devout follower, adhered to a set of rules to govern her life. No, she did not blindly follow the Maker, but she did follow his principles. The hum of the Chant brought her peace, reminded her of the life she used to have before the Blight.<p>

"You seem far more, concentrated today. What answers are you looking for, Hawke?" Sebastian had sat next to her. He often did sit with her, he found her to be the only friend he had that didn't want anything from him, that wasn't secretly corrupt. Aside from Elthina, of course, but she was a mentor, not really a friend. He didn't know much about her, and she didn't know much about him, they didn't need to, the Chantry was the only common ground they needed to be friends. They often spoke of things like goals and ambitions, opinions and beliefs.

"I am trying to decide whether or not I should don my Templar armor again. I cannot be a part of this Order, but in my heart I know that a Templar is who I am." Sebastian had already known of her Templar past (he and Aveline were the only ones, well, aside from Fenris, but that was long after), and he understood why she did not stand with Kirkwall Order, even he knew that they were walking a dangerous path. He wondered if Hawke could make a difference as a Templar here, but he also knew her thoughts on that, _"There are still good men among them, but trying to change the rest would be like trying to make a river run backwards, I would only be swept away myself."_

"Oh? Why this sudden change of heart?" Sebastian asked.

"Everyday there are more apostates, more blood mages, and I do not have the means to combat them. I have tried to avoid having to default on my training, it is exhausting, but I feel I no longer have a choice." Hawke reminisced on the past weeks events, the death of her mother, and every life she had seen taken at the hand of malevolent magic.

"Ah, I agree. You know, Isabela told me of your experience with Anders, you are an incredibly strong woman, Hawke, to diffuse a _demon_ so easily. Would the armor really change anything?" Sebastian refused to believe that Justice was anything better than the rest of the Fade creatures.

"She did, did she? Everyone probably knows by now, but, that is probably for the best. No, it wouldn't, but fear is a powerful motivator. You should have seen how scared Anders was when he found out, if I identify myself as a Templar, I have the advantage from the start." Hawke closed her eyes, "And I feel like I'm lying to myself, not wearing it, whether I answer to the Knight-Commander or not."

"You make a fine point, do you think your standing in the city can get it for you? I doubt they simply let anyone just anyone parade around in Templar armor." Sebastian placed his hand on Hawke's shoulder, "And have you thought about how your other friends would react?"

"Of course, I still have a friend in the Templars here, well, I assume he is still my friend. Yes, Aveline and Fenris would be proud, Varric skeptical, Isabela would constantly joke about it, and Merril would be terrified." Hawke looked up at him, "But, I think I know what I must do, thank you." Hawke stood up to leave.

"Wait, Hawke, do you know what you will do about the lyrium? You won't last long without it." Sebastian said, worried.

"I have already taken care of that, Sandal can distill mana potions for me." Hawke smiled, "And since I've already been through the process I know exactly how much I can handle."

"I'll see you you around then, _Ser_ Hawke." Sebastian and Hawke shook hands before she left.

* * *

><p>"Why exactly are we going to the Gallows? You've skillfully avoided this place since after we got here." Aveline asked as they stepped into the large, open expanse of the courtyard. She was toting along a large, heavy box full of Maker knows what.<p>

"I am visiting a friend for a favor." Hawke nodded in her direction.

"What _friend?_" Fenris asked, doing a very poor job at masking his jealousy, he had been absolutely impossible to tame since the incident with Anders.

Isabela laughed, hard. "Hawke, that's it, I can't take anymore of this, I _have _to talk to you when we get back to the Hanged Man. Varric is going to want to as well." She said around giggles.

"A Templar friend. And fine, Isabela, right after we finish up here, and stop giggling." Hawke shook her head at Isabela.

"You still have Templar friends? I thought you said they all died in the siege on Lothering?" Aveline asked.

"He's not from Lothering, he was stationed at Lake Calenhad."

"_He?"_ Isabela asked in a mockingly gruff and deep voice.

"What Isabela?" Hawke asked.

"Oh, I was just voicing what I have no doubt Fenris was thinking." Isabela smirked at her incredibly accurate statement.

"Ugh, Isabela, shut up." Aveline said, "Hawke, why didn't you get in contact with him earlier?"

"I didn't need him." Hawke said as she approached a rather official looking man, "I need to speak with Knight-Captain Cullen."

"And who are you?" He asked.

"Hawke."

The nameless Templar eyed her for a second, and then called to a man a few feet away who was deep in conversation with a recruit, "Cullen, the noble Hawke is here to see you!"

"I was wondering when the famous Hawke would show up he-" Cullen stopped short when he saw her. He took several purposeful strides forward to stand directly in front of her, far too close for Fenris's comfort. "Ser Hawke? Is that- Is that really you?"

"It is, I do not see how I could be anyone else."

"I sent for a list of the casualties of the Lothering Chantry, they told me everyone died. They told me that _you _died. You have _no_ idea how good it is to see you again." Cullen smiled at her. Fenris fidgeted, taking a step closer to Hawke.

"Oh, this is just painful to watch." Isabela muttered.

"It takes more than darkspawn to kill me. My family and I fled here, we were not around to account for our own whereabouts."

Cullen smirked, "I should've known, if those four apostates that migrated from the Wilds couldn't take you down when you were on a _lone_ patrol why would darkspawn be able to? Thrask tells me that you helped reign in the Starkhaven mages, I suppose I should have known then that it really _was_ you."

"Why didn't you? How many Hawke's do you know?" Aveline piped in.

"I, assumed that you would rejoin the Order if it was really you. You still could, you know." Cullen spoke to her, evidently hopeful.

"I do know." Hawke nodded, dismissing the idea, or, at least she thought she was.

"I could... make a request to Knight-Commander Meredith, I know what kind of Templar you are. You could, you could be my right-hand man- woman, sorry. You are most certainly _not _a man, not- not that you aren't as strong as one, that isn't what I meant." Cullen stumbled, flustered by something Hawke couldn't place.

"My place is not among the Templars here, Cullen, I thank you for the offer though. I did, however, come to see if I could employ one of your smiths to repair my armor. The Templars are the only ones that know how to handle the enchantments on it."

"Of course! Do you have it with you?" Cullen did not hesitate to answer.

"Is that what's in this box, Hawke?" Aveline asked.

"Indeed." Hawke nodded, "Cullen, can you have it sent to the Amell Estate when it's finished?"

"Yes, if I have time I'll bring it myself." Cullen tilted his head a little and beamed a bright smile at her.

"Thank you, I'll see you around." Hawke and her companions turned to leave, Aveline moving to drag the box to the smith's station.

"Wait, Hawke!" Cullen called.

"Yes?" Hawke turned to ask him as he swept her into a tight hug, everyone noticing how one hand held her head to him.

"Cullen." A now furious Fenris growled, causing Cullen to back off.

"I am sorry. I didn't mean to step on anyone's toes." He apologized, "I just missed you, Hawke."

"It is alright, you didn't, just don't-" Hawke started to say.

"_Yes_, _he_ _did_." Fenris glared at him, "We should go." And they left a suddenly depressed Cullen standing in the Gallows with all of his men staring at him.

* * *

><p>"So..." Varric said over his mug, "I've gotten a hold of some rather <em>interesting <em>information, Hawke."

"Don't you always have 'interesting' information?" Hawke questioned with an uncharacteristically irritated twitch to her voice. She had masterfully put off talking to Varric and Isabela for several days, aware of what the subject matter was most likely to be.

"Well, yes, but it's not usually about the residents, or in this case, lack thereof, in Darktown. I've heard that a certain mage has completely cleared out his clinic, he's gone." Varric raised an eyebrow.

"About damn time." Fenris commented.

"I'd agree. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you, Hawke?" He asked, somehow managing to raise his eyebrow even further to some unimaginable height.

"No, I have no idea." Hawke said, tone betraying nothing.

"See! I told you she'd deny it, Varric! Pay up!" Isabela said as she collected her prize. "Don't pretend like you didn't do anything, sweetheart, I heard _every word._ That bit at the end was my favorite though." She winked at Fenris, who quickly turned his focus to the ground. "I'd been waiting for someone to stick it to him after what he was going to do to that poor girl, I just didn't know it was going to be that soon, or that thorough."

"You were eavesdropping?" Hawke asked.

"I wasn't dropping no eaves, Ser! Besides, one of my best friends was about to confront an angry abomination while entirely exhausted, what was I _supposed_ to do?" Isabela looked totally innocent, "I mean, I knew you could take care of yourself, but I did _not _expect you to throw him that far." Fenris snickered at this. "You almost hit _me_!"

"You were _in the room_?" Hawke asked, honestly surprised.

"I'm a shadow, love, I could sleep in your bed with you and you wouldn't notice." Isabela exaggerated.

"Wait, if you knew I could take care of myself, why did you waste your time watching me?" Hawke asked.

"Because, I have been suspicious of you and Fen-Fen here-"

"Do _not _call me that." Fenris cut in.

"Fine, Fen_ris_." Isabela over-enunciated, "So I decided to follow you, see where you'd go when all was said and done." Fenris and Hawke just watched in horror as Isabela continued to spin her tale, "I'll admit, you two have done a _very _good job hiding your relationship, you even had me convinced that nothing happened that first night, damn your stoicism."

"Oh, what tipped you off?" Varric asked, taking mental notes for the story the two of them were undoubtedly going to write.

"They were _too _complacent, there was no more tension between them. So when I heard the very last thing little miss Hawke here said to Anders..." Isabela smiled deviously.

"You still haven't told me what she said." Aveline had arrived at the perfect time, taking her seat next to Varric, the couple this story was based on growing redder than her hair.

"She said, and I quote, 'I promised _Fenris _I wouldn't be out too late, he has trouble _sleeping _without me'." Isabela imitated Hawke perfectly, "It was then that I knew I just _had _to follow her home." Isabela's smile grew wider than it had all day.

"Oh God." Hawke mumbled, pressing her thumb and index finger to the bridge of her nose.

"_You_ said that?" Aveline asked, "That's, that's actually kind of sweet."

"Uh-huh." Hawke said, nervously standing, "Fenris, I think we should go, don't you?"

He stood immediately, "I do."

"No! No! No! You can't leave at the _best part._" Isabela protested.

"Oh yes we can." Hawke argued.

"Why? What's wrong with the best part? This seems like a _nice _story for a change. I can't believe you two have hidden this from us for so long." Aveline said, totally oblivious.

"_Nice?_" Isabela laughed at her, "Oh, you should have _heard _the things Fenris said to her! They were so dominating and _naughty_ that I just about came right there. It's a shame it was so dark, or I would have."

"I- I think I should go too." Aveline said, her jaw clenched.

As the three of them left the Hanged Man they could hear Isabela and Varric discussing titles for their story.

* * *

><p>"See, it's things like that that make me think we should stay here at the estate, where there are <em>locks<em>." Hawke told Fenris while they removed their shoes, "Or at least fix up the mansion."

"Like that would stop her."

"Fair point." Hawke said as Fenris wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed the side of her neck under her ear, "Oh, Fenris..."

"Hmmm..." Fenris nipped her earlobe with his teeth, pulling a shudder from her, "We don't _have _to stop her, you know."

Hawke spun around in his arms, "I always _knew_ you had a nasty streak." She smirked at him and pressed him back into the wall. She caressed his hair, pushing it behind his ear, and she lightly ran her tongue over the markings that ran from the base of his neck up to the tip of his chin, causing him to tip his head back.

"Hawke..." Fenris started, finding it difficult to interrupt her, "Who's here? There's an extra pair of greaves by the door."

"I don't," Hawke said, her fingers grazing the protrusion below his belt, "really care."

"I like the way you think," Fenris twisted them around so that Hawke now had her back to the wall, "let them come." He attacked her mouth with a voracious fervor, shoving his tongue deep into her mouth, entwining his fingers in her hair. She hated being submissive, but with Fenris it was more than a little bit nice, she trusted him.

When he pushed his fingers against her leathers under her armored skirt Hawke slammed her fist back into the wall with a loud moan that made Fenris chuckle. She hit the wall so hard the painting next to them broke free of it and landed with a shattering crash, she had underestimated her own strength yet again. In an attempt to silence her inevitable cries Fenris latched on to her mouth again, but the noise had already been made.

"Hawke, are you alright! I- Uh- Oh, I'm so terribly sorry." An incredibly dejected looking Cullen turned his head from them after bursting through the doorway.

"Oh Maker, Cullen..." Hawke said as Fenris quite deliberately took his time pulling away from her, running his hand along the inside of her thigh as he took his hand from beneath her skirt.

"I was going to wait until you came in, but I heard a crash and I- I'm so sorry." Cullen was a furious shade of red and an absolutely testosterone-fueled pride had shown itself in the form of a smile spread across Fenris's face.

"It's alright, what did you need?" Hawke asked, irritated at the interruption.

"I brought your armor over, I had the smith put some new enchantments on it." Cullen seemed to get over his embarrassment, seeing as all he could seem to look at, glare at, imagine killing with the lasers coming out of his eyes, etc., was Fenris. "Bodahn helped me put it on the stand in the foyer."

"Thank you, Cullen, I appreciate it." Hawke bowed her head to him.

"Of course, Ser Hawke. I should go." Cullen stepped around the two towards the door, grabbing his greaves.

"Yes, you _should._" Fenris said as he shut, and locked, the door behind him.

"You know, you are just _terrible_." Hawke said through a smile.

"Oh, and why is that?" Fenris asked as he locked the door on the other side of the vestibule and stalked back over to her.

"You knew it was _him _that was here the whole time, didn't you? You knew those were his boots, you would have never missed that." Hawke half-heartedly accused.

"And what if I did?" He laced his hands around her and pulled her hips toward him.

"Well, if you did," Hawke cupped his face in her hands, "I just might have to reward you for your powerful skills of observation." She placed a painfully light kiss on his lips.

"Do I get to choose my reward?" Fenris asked in an increasing lower voice.

"Oh, I think I know what you want." Hawke purred, pulling away to fiddle with the straps of her armor, slowly undressing before him. Each piece of metal hitting the ground with a deafening sound. When she finally shimmied out of the final layer of leathers she was left in only her breast-band.

"You- You didn't wear..." Fenris trailed off, obtaining a further understanding of why his early actions had a such profound effect. Hawke knelt down to pull him free of his trousers, she loved that he didn't wear the same complicated armor that most warriors did.

"No... I didn't." Hawke smiled up at him as his trembling manhood sprung free, "But I received a letter telling me that _he _was going to show up today, and I just assumed that it would be for the best to prepare for the inevitable."

"So you let me-" Fenris groaned as Hawke lightly massaged his sack, "You planned-" He was stopped short by another groan, "Hawke, have I told you how much I love you today?"

"Always." Hawke's velvet voice sang as she lowered her mouth onto him, slowly pushing herself farther down with each passing second. When she reached the base, quite carefully, I might add, he twitched and bucked against her face, and her resulting moan caused a vibration that made Fenris grip her by the hair. She sucked deeply as she pulled back and he called out her name. She moved tortuously slow, and when she had almost made her way back out she looked up and stared into his eyes.

Fenris pushed her back down, so he could stare at her, staring at him with his cock in her mouth. "Hawke..." He laid his hand on the side of her face. It was another sight he would never get used to, knowing that she would do this for him, that she _wanted _to do this for him. How could he have ever even considered leaving her?

She descended on him once again, this time much more quickly, down, down, back, down, down, back again. There was only so much of this he could take though, he gently tugged at her chin and eventually she was standing to face him. She lewdly licked a bead of pre-cum off of her lip.

He shoved her back up against the wall, in the exact same spot she had been when Cullen had so rudely interrupted them. He tried to be gentle, but she couldn't do things like that and expect him to be able to hold it together! Fenris spread her legs with one hand and undid the breast-band with the other. His hands then went to work on her breasts, each one taking control of their own, personal globe. His member nestled against her thigh, waiting for it's turn.

"Fenris, Fenris please," Hawke panted, "don't make me beg."

"Ah, we'll save that for another time, then." He whispered in her ear as he lifted one of her legs up around him. He pressed himself into her, only half-filling her aching need before lifting her other leg, using the wall as leverage.

Hawke wrapped her legs around him, a silent beg for more, and he complied, delving into her completely. She let out a very audible sigh of relief. It was slow at first, their dance of passion, but they soon couldn't help but bring up the tempo. Fenris skillfully worked one hand between them to rub her clit with a loving fire as their sounds grew louder.

Then someone was messing with the outer door. Fenris slowed, unsure, as the lock began to click under the hands of a pick. Hawke bucked against Fenris's hesitation and grabbed his face, "Fenris, I don't care who that is, do _not _stop!"

There was a new surge of arousal between them, knowing that there was almost no way they could stop the intruder from walking in on them. Fenris's strokes grew in fury as the door opened, he turned to the guest and shouted "Go!"

So, Isabela shut the door, with herself on the wrong side of it, smirking at their coupling. Fenris stopped dead but Hawke kept flailing, grinding herself against him, "Fenris, please, I don't care, she- just-" Fenris couldn't help himself, Hawke was lost to passion and there was no bringing her back. He couldn't deny her, he thrust into her with capricious abandon and found himself sickly turned on by Isabela's voyeurism. "Ah, Fenris, oh- oh- right there!" Hawke clung to him as they gave into their orgasm together, and when they came down from the haze of it all, Isabela was gone.

"Where did she go?" Hawke asked, still gasping for breath as they put themselves back together.

"I am not certain. Hawke, did you-" Fenris stopped unsure what wording to use.

"Yes, I most definitely did." Came her immediate response.

"You don't even know what I was going to ask." He protested.

"Oh, yes I do. You were going to ask if I enjoyed her being here as much as you did, am I incorrect?"

"No, actually, you aren't." Fenris smiled, the wonders that were Hawke never seemed to cease.

"Good." Hawke smirked at him as they finally ventured into the estate.

* * *

><p>Fenris and Hawke decided, that unless Isabela brought it up, they would never speak to her about what had occurred. They were also quite certain that she would bring it up herself. So, when Merril asked them to the Hanged Man for a favor they expected her to make a spectacle about it, but she didn't, not yet, at least.<p>

"I don't really like meeting in this place, but I know how you dislike the Alienage." Merril said while Isabela winked at Hawke from the bar. Hawke couldn't help but laugh a little. "What's so funny, did Isabela make a face again? Oh, I don't really care, this is serious business, Hawke. I need your help."

"With what?" Hawke asked.

"I need help with the mirror, the Dalish have a tool that I think can fix it, but I need you to come with me to confront the Keeper, she scares me sometimes." Merril said, Fenris diligently kept his mouth shut.

"Alright, I'll take Varric and Isabela, we'll go ask her today." Hawke agreed.

"Without me?" Merril asked, wide-eyed like a child.

"No, you can come too, I suppose taking five wouldn't be that big of a deal."

"Oh yes! We'll have to stop for berries, I love berries! It's a shame they don't have the same ones they had in Ferelden." Merril sadly shook her head, "I'll go get ready! I'll meet you at the gates in an hour!" And Merril scampered off.

"Are we really going to help her?" Fenris asked.

"No, we're going to _stop _her."

"That's my girl." Fenris smirked at her.

* * *

><p>It was a long trek to Sundermount, and what seemed like an even longer battle to get the Arulin'holm. No one stopped Hawke when she refused to give it to Merril though, in fact, just about everyone agreed. Isabela was indifferent however.<p>

Part way through their stop for lunch, when everything had gotten dreadfully silent, Isabela did what Isabela always does, she made things awkward, or, she tried.

"So, Hawke, how did things go yesterday, after you left us?" She asked, Varric snickered.

_ 'Oh Maker, he knows.' _Hawke thought. "Perfectly, we had a very unexpected visitor." Her voice didn't falter, not in the slightest.

"Was I _that_ much of a hassle?" Isabela asked with a pout.

"I wasn't talking about you."

"Oh... Then who?"

"Cullen stopped by to drop off my armor."

"He _did_? Did you... treat him to a show, too?"

Fenris had to cover his mouth to stop himself from laughing out all of his food, his pride swelling again at the memory. It was Merril that answered her, "Oh, I didn't know you and Fenris were actors!" Hawke's face was blank, she had _no idea _how to reply to that.

"Oh yes, they most certainly are." Varric replied for her.

"What kind of acting do you two do, Hawke?" Merril asked, and yet again, Hawke was speechless.

"Well, Merril, Fenris is _exactly _the kind of 'actor' I thought he would be, but Hawke, oh, my, my, behind closed doors she is _not_ the stoic leader you think she is." Isabela smiled at the naive elf.

"Isn't that the point of acting, to be someone you're not?" Merril was rightly confused.

"They aren't actually talking about _acting_, Merril." Hawke finally spoke, shaking her head.

"I don't understand."

"Sex, dear, whenever you don't get something, it's sex." Isabela said quite bluntly.

"Uh- Oh! That's... very personal and it is none of my business!" Merril blushed something awful and Isabela turned her attention back to Hawke.

"Seriously though, Hawke, I never thought that our 'never back down', 'never give up the advantage' leader would ever allow herself to be shoved into a wall and hammered into a-"

"That is _enough, _Isabela!" Hawke cut her off, truly growing angry.

"Fine, fine. You might be able to stop me from saying it, but you can't stop me from writing it."

"Ugh." Hawke turned back to her food.

"I quite like your new armor, Hawke." Merril said in the silence.

"Wh- _really_?" Hawke asked, "Do you even know what it is?"

"It's Templar armor, isn't it? But it doesn't look like all the other Templars. It's very pretty, though." Merril _actually _knew something.

"That's, very nice of you, Merril." Hawke said, still surprised.

"Are you a part of the Order now?"

"Oh no, not at all, I used to be though."

"So, can you do all that anti-magic stuff?"

"Of course."

"That's very good." Merril's surprising answer yet again gave Hawke pause.

"Really?" Isabela asked, "You do realize that _you _are a mage right?"

"Yes, obviously I do, but Hawke likes me, she wouldn't do something like that, not if she didn't have to. And we seem to fight a lot of mages, it should come in handy."

"That's a very reasonable position, Merril." Hawke added.

"Unlike the one you were in yesterday, Hawke," Isabela added, "that was anything _but _reasonable. It was _really _hot though." Hawke just shook her head and sighed again.

The rest of their lunch went off without a hitch, but the rest of their journey home, however, did not.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Did you catch the reference? Did you like it? I quite liked it. Do we want to see more of Isabela like this? I assume most of you can guess what happens on the journey back to Kirkwall, if not, it should be obvious a very short way into the chapter. Are there any opinions on the difference between Hawke as a leader and Hawke in sexy times? What kind of piece do you all want to see in the next few chapters? Any particular elements you'd like? Tell me about in the reviews!


	7. A Bitter Pill

**A/N: **Okay, before we begin, I cannot stress enough that I can't handle seriousness all the time, so, since this chapter is more on the serious side I added some serious silly. The next chapter of A Rogue's Discretion is pretty much going to be all serious-business and plot reveals and stuff, so I _had _to even in out. Those who call me T.I.M left an amazingly funny review (again) and I had to throw the joke in here. Oh, and the LotR reference in the last chapter was Isabela's "I ain't droppin' no eaves, ser" line. (Samwise said it at the beginning of Fellowship.)

* * *

><p>The dilapidated mansion had been vacant for 4 days, well, vacant of it's owner anyhow. Hawke had spent all of her time there, she refused to leave. She refused to go home. Orana had brought her a change of clothes, brought her food, and messages from her other companions. She lived in that one, tiny, entry room. No one dared question her about it, as Aveline had so ingeniously put, Hawke was a cow. A frazzled, sickly looking cow that had forced itself to stay awake well past the point of exhaustion, waiting. It <em>would <em>be when she finally collapsed that he _finally_ showed up. She had pulled a tiny straw mattress in to sleep on, and when he saw her there, hair a mess and breathing ragged, perhaps in the midst of a nightmare, she looked, scared. Fragile. Vulnerable. Not like Hawke. This wasn't Hawke, but, at the same time, it undoubtedly was. This was the Hawke that always lay dormant deep beneath the Hawke everyone knew. She was always afraid, terrified even, that she would screw something up again, lose someone else. She was always tired. Always a mess. A strong, beautiful mess.

So was he. Tired. Messy. Confused. His days away had done nothing to clear his mind. The first two days were spent in indescribable anger. The third, all he could do was think about Hawke, about how he had failed her by running away. Her words resounded in his head, _"You aren't weak, Fenris, don't start now." _But he was, without her that's exactly what he was. She had made him useless. When he looked down at her though, laying there, waiting for _him, _he finally saw it. Fenris saw what his absence did to her, the same thing her absence did to him. Weakness. They made each other strong, but apart, they destroyed each other. So in the dull silence of his own thoughts Fenris removed his armor, careful not to wake her, though it was impossible with her deep sleep, and laid beside her. He wrapped his arm around her waist and smelled her hair again. It wasn't the same, it's normally sweet, earthen scent was laced with worry, but he loved it nonetheless.

* * *

><p>"Did you hear that?" An ever diligent Hawke asked her troupe.<p>

"Hear what?" Merril replied.

"That!" Hawke spoke in a hushed tone.

"That_ what_?" Merril asked, frustrated.

"It's an ambush, obviously." Isabela stated as they walked, "Right up in this clearing they'll be all over the place. Good spot though, Hawke."

Merril stopped. "Should we really keep going then, Hawke?"

"Yes. We do not run from our enemies. If I hear correctly there are not many."

"Oh okay, Hawke, I trust you." Merril nodded.

"Bianca's ready." Varric added.

And Isabela was right, the moment they stepped into the clearing they were on all sides. "Halt! You are in possession of stolen property!"

"Maker, if that bitch wants her shoes back this badly, I'll just give them to you!" Isabela called.

"Shut up! We are here for the slave!" The man called from his vantage point.

"I am no slave!" Fenris roared as the battle began...

And ended just as quickly. Isabela stood by Merril and Varric, "What do you think those two are gonna do to that poor sap?"

"I hope Fenris does that heart-ripping thing, but only after Hawke beats his face against that big rock." Varric said with no hesitation, "The whole 'slamming people's heads into walls' is kind of her thing. I asked her about it once, she says 'my fist hits a very limited area, the wall, on the other hand, does not'." He even mocked Hawke's Fereldan accent and then laughed at the memory.

"She said that?" Merril questioned in some sort of horror.

"Don't act so surprised, Kitten, we _do _kill people for a living after all." Isabela added, Merril nodding meekly in reply. "Oh! There he goes!" She called as Fenris did the 'heart-ripping thing'.

Fenris stood in fuming anger, the heat of it coming off of him in near visible waves, but instead of voicing his anger, Hawke, rather angry herself, asked Isabela, "Do you know how to track where these men came from? We have a blood mage magister's apprentice to hunt, and all we know is that she's somewhere on the Coast."

"I- No, Hawke, I have no fucking clue how to do that. Do I look like a Dalish tracker to you?"

"I could do it." Merril spouted.

"A blood mage to track a blood mage? No." Fenris said, "You are not a tracker, you couldn't find your own head if it wasn't attached to your neck."

"I'm going to pretend like you're not being mean to me, Fenris, especially since I can help you." Merril said with an unusual tone of irritation.

"How, Merril?" Hawke asked.

"I'm not a tracker, but these men all smell like really strong blood magic. I can follow it back." She said enthusiastically.

"You can _smell _blood magic?" A suspicious Fenris asked.

"Of course I can! I'm a mage, remember?"

"Do not remind me. Just walk."

"You're welcome, Fenris."

"I did not thank you, you have yet to do anything useful."

The walk was long, and it reminded Hawke of walking a puppy who didn't know quite what to do with itself. Merril would stop, look, stop, look, over and over and over again, but eventually, much to everyone's surprise, she _did _get there. It was just a cave like any other cave, but Merril was adamant that that's where they'd find 'Hadriana'.

"You should go home now. Find Aveline and tell her what all the bodies are doing so close to the city." Hawke told her.

"Do you not need my help anymore? I think I could be very useful in there."

"I do need your help, that's why I'm asking you to go get Aveline."

"Oh! Okay! I get it! I'll go!" And Merril scampered off.

Hawke let out an audible sigh as Fenris said, "Finally."

"Why do you think I sent her away?" Hawke asked rhetorically.

"Wait, it wasn't to go get Aveline?" Isabela asked, not getting the rhetorical part.

"No. She'll get distracted and we'll be back in the city before she gets around to it. I sent her back because we don't need more uncontrollable blood magic in there." Hawke explained, Fenris snorted in an odd sort of approval as they stepped into the cave.

It wasn't until after their first immediate battle that the atmosphere hit them. The whole place smelled like decay and stagnant blood. The walls crumbled in on themselves at the corners. It was an eerie hue of gold and red, and the coat of blood and flesh on the floor made every other step a sickening squelch. "We should finish up here as fast as we can." Isabela pointed out.

No one else spoke. The fighting was done in silence, each slaver systematically destroyed by the execution squad that was Hawke and Fenris, the rogues had almost no part in these battles. It was rage that drove them both on, it boiled in their veins, a mutual hatred that at it's core stemmed from fear. Fenris feared being enslaved again and Hawke feared for Fenris, though neither would ever state it. Yes, it was silent, until they found a lone survivor.

"Are, are you my master now?" The wide-eyed elven woman asked, unsure of which warrior to direct her question to.

"No." They answered simultaneously, but only Fenris continued, "What happened here? Are you hurt?" He displayed a rare compassion, the well-being of others was usually left for Hawke to tend to.

"I- I'm fine, it's just, Mistress she, she's scared of something, she just started killing everyone! She killed my Papa. Everything was fine, I don't understand what, I don't _know_ what happened." The woman stuttered on her words, on the verge of tears.

"Calm yourself." Hawke spoke, "Do you need a home?" Fenris eyed Hawke with unusual suspicion.

"I can cook, I can clean, I can do _anything_ you need me to do, I'm good, I swear." The woman seemed to plead with Hawke.

"But I didn't know you were in the market for a slave." Fenris's rage unjustly turned on Hawke.

"I'm not." She dismissed him and turned back to the other elf, "The only person you need to clean up after is yourself. What is your name?"

"Orana, my name is Orana, Mistress."

"No, do not call me that, my name is Hawke."

"Is is appropriate to call you by your name?"

"Yes, because you are not a slave." Hawke stated, "Go to Kirkwall, ask any member of the guard where the Amell estate is, tell Bodahn that I sent you."

"I, yes! Thank you, thank you!" Orana scampered away much like Merril had, maybe it was an elf thing.

"That was far beyond what you needed to do, I am sorry I doubted you." Fenris hung his head.

Hawke's _more_ serious side, which was most of her, kicked back into gear, "Do not waste your time with sorry yet, there is still work to do."

"Right." Fenris nodded and they delved deeper into the slaver den.

The ratio of corpses to living beings changed drastically as they moved further in, less and less enemies fought against them. Not that it mattered of course, they were _all _dead when the team was through with them. The last room approached, and they knew it because the hum of magic called to them from the other side of the door. "I think I can smell that blood magic Daisy was talking about." A silent Varric finally spoke.

"I as well." Hawke agreed.

"Let us go." Fenris said.

The room Hadriana had holed herself up in was a far more gruesome scene than any other. Half-living corpses clung to life by the walls, some missing limbs, one particularly bad one without even a head. They all leaked some sort of fluid from varied orifices, they twitched, they breathed, waiting for their master to call them to act. Their eyes slowly rotting out of their heads, their tongues lolling out of their mouths. Isabela gagged at the sight, but the other three held to their iron stomachs. The air was thick, and the smell was awful, a mix of rotting corpses and the stench of corrosive magics. As much as she hated slavers, no one deserved this. They deserved death, yes, but these were abominations, more vile than any mage-demon could ever be. These used to be people, they were not tainted with the flesh of demons, all that remained of them was their own skin and meat and bones. Then Hawke looked closer, and she realized that most of these affronts to nature were _not _slavers, but the slaves themselves. Hawke had seen darkspawn, Hawke had seen desperation that led people to terrible things, but this, this was the face of true evil and she would never forget it for as long as she lived.

"Ah, Fenris, I've been waiting." A dreadful looking woman that could only be Hadriana spoke from her strategic position on the other side of the room.

"Are you ready to die, Hadriana?" He yelled across the room at her, shaking his fist.

She laughed, her laughter echoed through the room and the sound of it seemed to activate her undead army. They shambled to their feet, bones cracked under the pressure of disfigured bodies, parts in the wrong places, but they just stood. They did not attack. They waited.

"You have a chance to give in, no one else has to die." She smiled wide from across the room, the stretch threatening to slice her face in two, if only they were that lucky. "No, you won't do that, you're too stubborn."

Hawke took the time of their banter to pool her stamina, to call on her Templar strength, and Hadriana could sense it, as she laughed again, "You really think a renegade Templar can stop me? Not even five Templars could kill this magic, yet alone someone that is quite obviously not a part of the Order. What company you keep, my pet."

"Maker, can we just _kill _her?" Isabela asked under her breath.

"No, when fighting something like this, you can't risk making the first move, you never know what these tricky bastards have up their robe-y sleeves." Varric answered her.

"The dwarf is smart, at least." Hadriana commented, "So, what will it be, charge me or wait for your Templar guardian here to kill herself trying to muster up the strength to stop me?"

"Hawke?" Fenris asked, never taking his eyes off Hadriana.

It was Hadriana's pride, and ignorance, that would be her undoing. Hawke was not fueled by lyrium just yet, it was a long process to make it and there had not been time. It was a common misconception that Templars needed lyrium for their talents to be the most effective, it simply made using them easier, less taxing, and in all actuality, it made them _less _effective. If a Templar could pull off a talent without any aid but that of their own mind, it would much more potent. Luckily for Hawke, an area cleanse was child's play, it just took time, time Hadriana was willingly giving her. Holy Fire was the only thing that could really kill her.

"I'm ready, are you ready?" Hawke asked, concentrating.

"Yes." Fenris growled.

It happened so fast that Hadriana had no chance to react, she did not understand the kind of strength Hawke possessed. Fear was a powerful motivator, the only one was stronger was love, and fear for the one she loved, well, that made Hawke unstoppable. Hawke raised her hands and released such a powerful blast of energy that Hadriana was flung into the wall behind her, Fenris's speed allowed him to have her by the neck before she could even slide to the floor, and the corpses? They toppled to the ground, finally at rest, but so did Hawke.

* * *

><p>She knew that she wasn't dead. She knew this feeling. She knew this sweet, drowsy haze. It was only a matter of time before she'd wake up. This was only a nap, only a brief dream, a chance to rest before she had to return. She wondered if this was what the Fade was like, and then she recalled that yes, it was. Was she closer to death than she thought? Her moments of unconsciousness were never this vivid. She never <em>really <em>saw things. She didn't ever dream like this. Her dreams were always just that, dreams, but this was exactly like time she had gone in after Feynriel.

What was it that Merril said about paths in the Fade? Don't take them? Take them? That one looks awfully pretty, and if Fenris is telling me to come with him, I have to. I'd do anything for him. What if I want to go that way though? What if I want to go back? The path back is dark, but I feel like it's a better choice. No, I can't argue with Fenris, I-

_Hawke! _

Was that Varric? It sounded like Varric.

_Hawke!_

Isabela too? This is the last place I need to her to be, I can't even have privacy in my own dreams! I'll _kill _her, I'm a bird of prey, I always go for the kill. I wish I had something to block this light from my eyes. Wait, what did I just say? That's ridiculous, I'm not a bird. Hey, stop screaming! It's not nice! Okay, as long as you're only going to shriek once.

Wait, Fenris, why are you running at me? Oh, are we gonna have amazing sex again where you act like you own me? You don't own me, no one owns me, okay, maybe you do, but only a little. Or a lot. Or totally.

_Hawke! _ The apparition of Fenris called to her. Oh Maker, am I narrating things like Varric now? Okay, Fenris, I _get it_, we're running, just don't hold on to my arm so tight...

* * *

><p>Hadriana shrieked as she died, despite Fenris's promise to let her live for her information. A sister? He would process that later, now he needed to help Hawke. He heard Varric and Isabela yelling at her, he rushed to her side and cradled her limp body, shaking her by the arm. "Hawke!" He called, "Hawke, wake up! I will not lose you!"<p>

She coughed, once, twice, "I can't run any faster." She muttered as her eyes flickered open.

"_What_ did you say, Hawke?" Varric asked over Fenris's shoulder.

"I _said, _I can't run any-" Fenris cut her off with a crushing kiss, holding on to her almost too tightly.

"See, I _knew _we were going to do the whole crazy dominate sex thing again. It's my favorite." Hawke said after they broke apart, seemingly unaware that anyone else was there. Fenris blushed furiously.

Isabela and Varric broke out in a raucous laughter, "Oh, I'll bet it is, Hawke!" said Isabela.

"Oh shit, they're actually here." Hawke swore as she propped herself up, slowly standing with Fenris's help.

"That must have been _some_ blackout, Hawke." Varric assumed, "You never wake up talking like that."

"Oh shush, Varric." Hawke said as she regained her own footing.

"You're amazing, Hawke, I don't know _how _you managed to pull that off. This is going to be the greatest chapter yet. I can see it now:

_'Something's lurking in the dark, under the moonlight you see a sight that almost stops your heart. You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it. You start to freeze, as horror looks you right between the eyes, you're paralyzed. And then Hawke kills __**all of them.**__'_

That sounds like it could be famous, right?" Varric went off on his mini-rant.

"Varric, there was no moonlight, and _who _are you talking about?" Hawke questioned, leaning on Fenris, but so distracted by Varric's thrilling storytelling that she didn't see his demeanor rapidly changing.

"Eh, that's how I'm gonna tell it. People like to be _in _stories, Hawke, it's my listeners, obviously."

"Oh, yes, obviously." Hawke sarcastically agreed.

"Hawke, are you alright?" Fenris asked.

She looked up at him and smiled, "I am now, bit of a scare, but I'm fine, as always, are you-" Hawke finally noticed his sudden change, "are _you _alright? What did Hadriana say?"

"I, I have a sister." He frowned and cast his gaze to the ground. "This doesn't feel like revenge, it feels, _worse_. I don't trust her, she seemed surprisingly honest though."

"Then we look into it. It's either true, a trap, or both." That was Hawke's simple solution, "Hadriana is dead, it doesn't need to feel like anything."

"You don't get it Hawke! It's not that simple! Not everything is as black-and-white as you seem to think it is!" Fenris snapped at her, in fact, he was downright yelling. Hawke hadn't said anything wrong, he was just on edge. Varric and Isabela understood that, but they couldn't help but give him that disapproving look. Hawke understood as well, which is why she didn't get angry with him, but the damage that came with Varric and Isabela's 'looks' had already been done, and in truth though, he was looking for any excuse to leave, to get away. "I'm going, I need to be alone."

"When you will be home?" Hawke asked, concerned.

"I don't know."

* * *

><p>They both had slept for what must have been a whole day. Fenris awoke first, but remained with Hawke, still clinging to her. She had slept peacefully, unlike she had expected. She thought she would toss and turn, not having him there to hold her down, but it was not so. Hawke had almost forgotten entirely that he had left in the first place when she realized he was <em>actually <em>there.

She twisted abruptly to face him, and they stared at each other, not knowing what to say. So Hawke just buried herself in his arms, her face against his neck. They held each other, though it may have looked like Fenris was doing all the holding, that just wasn't the case. It took Fenris a moment to notice that the slow shrug of her shoulders wasn't just labored breathing, he couldn't place it until he heard the tiniest whimper come from his warrior queen. Hawke, the stoic, indifferent, indomitable Hawke, was _crying._

In all the time they had been together, no matter what the situation, Hawke _never _cried. Whether or not she did so in private was beyond him, but either way, this was monumental. She didn't cry like girls cry, she cried slow and soft and deep, she didn't wail or hyperventilate. "Hawke..." Fenris rubbed her back, "I'm sorry."

Hawke pulled back and looked at him, her eyes bloodshot and silent tears stained her cheeks, cutting through the dirt that had accumulated in the days he had been gone. "Don't you _ever_ do that to me again." She commanded in a voice far lower than she usually carried.

"Never." Fenris agreed.

"You know, Fenris, you are- you are just-" Hawke searched for the right words, "You have made me so weak, but so strong, in a way I've never been."

Fenris chuckled weakly, "I was just thinking the same about you."

All was mended again, they laid there like that on the tiny, straw mattress for an hour before they finally got up and went to the estate. They drew their bath together and wordlessly scrubbed the grime of prior days off of one another. It wasn't until they were redressing that Fenris spoke, "This two homes thing, it's not working. We need to choose, I'm not staying anywhere away from you."

"I agree." Hawke had been thinking about it for some time, and already had a solution, like she did for everything. It was just that this had to be Fenris's decision, to officially live together, although they pretty much did already. "We should stay at your mansion. There are now three people here that are not me, I think they would appreciate a more permanent arrangement."

Fenris almost didn't understand what she was saying, "You know they can't _pay _for it, right? Would you really just give up your family home so easily?"

"I know, I planned on giving it to them. I am not sentimental about a home, it is just materials, that was my mother's job. If I sell the things in here that I don't need, or that you already have, I believe we can actually _buy _the mansion. We wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore."

"You thought this out ahead of time, didn't you?" Fenris asked with a sly smirk.

"Of course I did, I think of everything." Hawke smiled with mock pride.

"Then it's settled, we'd better go tell your housekeepers that they now own the house."

"I'm sure they'll be thrilled." Hawke said as Fenris kissed her forehead.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** Did you guys catch that MAJOR reference in there? About Varric's _thrilling_ storytelling? If you don't get it (which isn't a bad thing) Google it and you'll get it immediately. I would really love to know what everyone's favorite chapter has been! (If I know what you like most, I can make the rest of them better!) I only have two more chapters planned, and maybe one more silly one, so if there's anything in particular you wanna see, tell me!


	8. Nightmares

**A/N:** I decided to skip over the Qunari, I hope no one minds. I apologize for the delay, so on and so forth... This chapter is an extension of Fenris's last companion quest, you'll see what I mean. This story is coming to a close, there may only be 2-3 chapters after this, and hopefully I get them up faster than this one... I'll be having a competition (which may or may not have a prize, maybe an OC cameo? Or a one-shot?) over the title of my next story (details in the bottom A/N), which won't be so much as started until after this and A Rogue's Discretion are finished, so it'll be a while. But anyway, read on!

* * *

><p>The months passed as though nothing had changed, although almost everything had. The Qunari were gone, and Hawke had earned the title Champion of Kirkwall. She had defeated the Arishok in single combat and saved the city, not to mention Isabela, in one fell swoop. Anders was still gone, and Darktown suffered for it, but no one spoke of him. Orana, Bodahn, and Sandal, surprising as it was, had started to pick up the slack for him, using the passage in the basement of the Amell estate, though their non-magical talents and lack of medical training made them relatively inefficient. Soon after realizing this Merril, of all people, decided to chip in. She was getting absolutely no where with her mirror, and after a few weeks of settling in, the clinic was better than ever.<p>

Varric was still telling stories, of course, not much had changed there, and Sebastian remained at the Chantry. Tension boiled in the Gallows, and more often than not Knight-Commander Meredith asked the Champion herself for aide, which she always gave. Although, Knight-Captain Cullen hardly even spoke to her, obviously upset by the rumors that surrounded her. They were the worst kind of rumors, too, they were _true _rumors. Suspicions and accusations surrounded the Champion. Of course she shrugged them off without batting an eye, but she was still the talk of the town. The noble Hawke had abandoned her long-standing family home to purchase an old Tevinter merchant's mansion, in which she lived, with an _elven man._ Many a noble had made attempts to visit her at this new dwelling, to confirm that which they had heard, only to be cast aside at the door, occasionally by the elf himself.

The two had decided that while it was best that Hawke turn away visitors, the rather persistent ones were best dealt with by Fenris. It was him they wanted to see, after all. Well, some of the women wanted to know how exactly the Champion lived, but in all honesty, aside from the two that actually lived there, no one had seen the inside of the newly renovated mansion, not even the weekly card games that Fenris used to host had taken place. Hawke decided that since they had finally finished fixing the place up it was about time the others got to see it, but Fenris was still skeptical...

"A _dinner party_? What does that even mean?" He asked.

"It means that Varric, Isabela, Aveline, Sebastian, and Merril come to the house, have dinner, chat for a while, and go home." Hawke explained.

"For what reason?"

"To be sociable, I suppose."

"Since when are you 'sociable'?"

"A fine point..." Hawke sighed, "I suppose I just feel like we should let them see what we've done with the place, everyone thinks that we live among corpses, blood stains, and broken furniture."

"And you care what everyone thinks?"

"No, I don't, I only care what our friends think. The rest of the world can shove it, and not a single soul in all of Thedas is getting through that door after this is over with."

Fenris pondered the situation for a moment, he _was _quite proud of his new home, and to his surprise Hawke had even put the deed in his name. Maybe showing off this one time wouldn't be so bad, after all, Hawke seemed very adamant about it and there really was no arguing with her. The 'dinner' part though... Hawke's cooking may have improved but it was certainly not wonderful, Fenris simply appreciated that she cooked for him at all. He would have to find a way to bring it up delicately...

"Alright, I think we can do this, as long as it's just this once." He agreed.

"Good! I'll start making arrangements, do you think it should be at the beginning or the end of next week?"

"Beginning, we need to get this over with. What did you, uh, plan on cooking?"

"Are you kidding me? I'm a terrible cook, how you stomach my crap is beyond me. I'm going to ask around for a caterer." At least Hawke knew it.

"You are not a terrible cook." Fenris objected, because she really wasn't, there were some things she could make perfectly. Stew, meat, potatoes, a couple of vegetables, well, basically stew and the things in stew. How she could have so many different variations on the same thing he couldn't understand.

"That's bull and you know it, but thanks anyway." She conceded, "And can you ask Varric and Sebastian, I'll take care of the rest of the invitations."

"Anything for you, dear." He rolled his eyes, arguing would be pointless in this case, like every other.

* * *

><p>"Put it in the water, and... the bread, everyone should eat at least one of the two." The shrill voice of the quickly speaking woman frightened her unwilling apprentice.<p>

"But I'd rather put it in the desert, they'll eat more of it, I'm sure!" A young boy argued.

"And what if they don't like it? What then? No, we do it my way, the bread and the water."

"But Aleen-"

"No Vincent, you will _not _argue with me! I _own _you until this job is done, we aren't taking chances. Every one of them has to ingest it, the rules were clear."

"What are we even doing this for? And what _are _we doing? I don't like this, the Champion will kill us if she ever finds out."

"Have you ever seen that woman and her friends fight?"

"No, what does that have to do with anything?"

"They pride themselves on strength and teamwork, but it is hard to see your leaders as strong when you've seen their nightmares, when you know what they're afraid of, when you've seen their weakest, most terrifying moments. This is subterfuge, sabotage, we are doing this because my boss knows that he cannot defeat them head-on. Luckily, he found you and your quite ingenious concoction." Aleen explained.

"We're going to kill them? No, I cannot do that! I don't care what you do to me, I won't kill the Champion!" Vincent argued.

Aleen's face twisted, she wanted to snap the boy's neck, but she needed him for this to work. He had engineered a poison that effected the mind. When it knocked its victims out, about twenty or so minutes after taking it (if the science was to be trusted, anyhow), they were pulled into consciousness in the Fade, only to find that their fate was locked in the hands of a demon. A demon that in this case, Aleen had made quite the deal with. How could someone so young could have happened across something like this? It didn't matter though, they had found him, "No, you fool child, we are not killing them, we are poisoning their minds, if your Champion is a strong as I'm sure you believe she is she'll survive, right?"

Vincent just nodded and went back to his work, he had too much to lose to disagree.

* * *

><p>"Are you sure about this, Hawke? Even if it is just us you certainly aren't the 'dinner party' type." Isabela asked.<p>

"I had the same conversation with Fenris, and I am quite sure. Besides, have you ever known me to be uncertain about anything?" Hawke replied.

"Well, no, I suppose you have a point. I'll be there, then, but could you... do me a favor?"

"What?"

"A favor, could you do me one?"

"I know what you were asking, what favor?" Hawke clarified with only the slightest irritation.

"Could you ask Fenris to come to dinner topless?"

Hawke tilted her head to the side to gape at Isabela, "Yeah," She said, sarcastic, "I'll be sure to ask him."

"Thanks love, it wouldn't be a good party if there wasn't at least one shirtless man."

Hawke just shook her head and walked away.

* * *

><p>"Sebastian." Fenris spoke loudly enough to get his attention.<p>

The former prince turned to face him, "Fenris? I thought we had a strict no-talking policy for when you came to the Chantry." He joked, it was by far a Fenris imposed policy. He and Hawke had started coming to services together at the beginning of each week, but even then he hardly spoke to him.

"Not this time, I'm afraid. Hawke and I decided that we're having a dinner party, first night of the week." He was very to-the-point.

"You mean 'Hawke decided and I agreed'?"

"More or less." Fenris shrugged with a light chuckle.

Sebastian chuckled back, "Alright, I'll be there."

* * *

><p>"Oh Hawke! This is wonderful! I'm so glad you finally got him to agree, I've been looking for the perfect caterer for weeks!" Merril squealed in utter glee.<p>

"Yes, yes, Merril, I know, it's absolutely phenomenal." Hawke's tone did not match her words, "Did you happen to _find _this perfect caterer?"

"Oh yes, I asked around and this woman named Aleen was absolutely thrilled by the idea of cooking for the Champion! She doesn't even charge!" Merril was quite proud of her find.

"Oh?" Hawke was skeptical, "This Aleen is offering to cook a fancy meal for seven people, free of charge?" No one did anything for free, not really. That had always been Hawke's opinion on it.

"Well, not totally, you have to provide her with the materials, but she'll cook and serve everything!"

"Ah, I see, that's more like it." Hawke was, of course, right, though she had no idea just how right she really was, "Tell this Aleen we have a deal."

"Oh, that is wonderful! She'll be so pleased!" Little did either of them know the terrible mistake they were making. Perhaps it could have been avoided if someone other than naïve Merril had met with the woman, perhaps if Hawke had been there to smell the magic on her the impending catastrophe could have been stopped, but of course, things never went according to plan. Not for Hawke.

* * *

><p>"Wait, you're shitting me, no way you agreed to this." Varric looked at Fenris with raised eyebrows, slamming his mug on the half-rotten table.<p>

"I did, I drew the line at dinner attire though." Fenris joked.

"Really? We could have seen Hawke in a dress and you nixed it for all of us? Isabela is going to be _so _upset." Varric shook his head, the only time anyone had seen her out of her armor was that one night all those years ago. It was an almost unimaginable thing, Hawke in a... _dress._

"That is a sight for my eyes only, dwarf." Fenris warned.

"So you've seen it!" Varric exclaimed, "You're a lucky bastard, you know that?"

"I do." Fenris nodded, smug, "Are you going to come or not?"

"Oh, of course, I wouldn't miss this for the world."

* * *

><p>"And you're serving what now?" Aveline asked, she had experienced Hawke's cooking once, many, many years ago, and she had never forgotten it.<p>

"_I'm_ not serving anything, so you need not worry, Aveline." Hawke assuaged her fears.

She sighed, "Well I suppose I can drop by, I can't stay for long though, I might not even be able to eat. I have a patrol that night, and Donnic and I were planning on... staying out late, if you know what I mean." A blush flashed its way across Aveline's pale cheeks.

Hawke had gotten much better at catching on to dirty things, but feigned innocence, "Oh, why for?"

"Well, uh..." Aveline was loath to admit this, but if she was going to tell anyone, it would be Hawke, "We're kind of... acting out a scene."

Hawke smirked suggestively, something she would have never been comfortable with doing in public. "A scene? From what?"

Aveline coughed, "Uh, well, actually..."

"Spit it out, Aveline."

"Hard in Hightown."

And Hawke laughed, the sound rang out so loud it practically shook the walls. "The- the one in the- the alley?" She managed around her chuckles.

Aveline's blush grew even more intense, "Yes, Hawke, if you _must_ know."

"I had no idea you two were exhibitionists!" Hawke was still laughing.

"Oh, don't even get me started on you, I heard about that romp Isabela walked in on, you have _no _room to talk."

"Is that how she tells it? Walked in on! More like 'lock-picked her way into', that harlot." Hawke clarified.

"I thought there was something a little off about her story..."

"Indeed. Either way, just drop by and say hello, and then you can go off on your 'patrol'." Hawke winked, she was always out-of-character when it was just her and Aveline.

"Ugh, Hawke..."

* * *

><p>The small room was dark, but just light enough that you could make out the figures within it. The walls appeared as a slate gray, and the floor was stone to match. The click of Aleen's heel would have made lesser men shiver, but not him. The Magister that sat in the room's only chair did not so much as flinch. She stood with her head held high for a few long minutes, awaiting orders, before he spoke.<p>

"Aleen, my apprentice, do you know why I called you here?" His voice was grating on her ears, but only because she knew he stood between her and the title of Magister.

"I assume I have failed you in some way, and I am to receive punishment." Her jaw clenched around the words, it was always best to assume the worst.

"Quite the opposite, actually. I have called upon you because you are to be given a new task, a final proving, so to speak."

"Oh? What do you wish of me?" Her mood lightened significantly at the mention of a _final _proving.

"As you well know, my last apprentice met quite the gruesome end. I want you to succeed where she failed, but your task is to be... different." He droned on.

"How so?"

"She was ordered to, _retrieve._ I now know that this was a mistake, and so I have decided on a new course of action. I want you to observe, plot, and destroy. Your target is a very capable woman, a Templar, so you will have to disguise your magic, but her strength is primarily derived from her ability to lead. Those who follow her do so blindly, they believe her to be infallible. Destroy that, destroy their faith, and she will fall with it." The man stood up, a menacing gesture, "This woman has taken my most prized possession, and she will pay for it with her life."

Aleen smiled, cruel and cold, this was her favorite kind of job, "Does this woman have a name?"

"Hawke. I want you to destroy her, but do not kill her. I, and I alone, will have the pleasure."

She lit up, this was more perfect than she could have ever hoped for, "Of course, I will leave immediately." It is a shame she did not know that Danarius was setting her up to fall, the Champion would eat her alive.

* * *

><p>Despite its residents the mansion had truly become a home fit for nobles. Each room was elegantly furnished, impeccably clean, and obviously not very lived-in. It was such a drastic change from what it had once been that it was only natural that jaws dropped upon seeing it for the first time.<p>

"Oh... my..." Aveline started.

"Fucking tits, Hawke!" Isabela finished her thought, "What did you do to this place?"

"There's even a gawd-damn chandelier!" Varric exclaimed.

"Indeed, Varric, always the observant one." Sebastian jested, chandeliers were apparently quite common in prince-land.

"Seriously though, Hawke," he continued, ignoring the comment, "how long did this take?"

"Eight months, thirteen days." She answered from the other side of the room. She and Fenris were both in full battle attire, which wasn't exactly cumbersome for Fenris, but Hawke's Templar armor was overly hefty in the shoulders, probably because she had an affinity for ramming her way through doors, and people. Not that anyone else had worn anything special, but still, full armor for dinner?

"That seems like... a very Hawke answer." Merril finally piped in.

"You said it, Kitten." Isabela commented, "Now where's this food I smell?" Her eyes grew wide with an obvious hunger.

"In here!" A shrieking voice called from an adjacent room, and everyone started to head in that direction, save Aveline and Hawke.

"I'm sorry I have to go, plans, you know?" Aveline nodded to Hawke as she turned towards the door.

"Of course, _plans_... Have fun, Aveline, you don't have nearly enough of it." Hawke smiled as she left.

* * *

><p>"And then, when I had completely ran out of bolts, he goes 'Why don't you just sweep the fucking floor?' So I did. With his hair." Varric finished his story with a smug smirk, along with his fourth helping of the dessert. Although, it had nothing on Merril's seven, albeit that was the only thing she ate. Either way, the girl could eat.<p>

Everyone found Varric's story quite amusing, except,of course, Hawke, who voiced her opinion on the matter, "So, you shot up the whole house in protest, and then you did the job anyway?"

"Well, when you put it that way it's not nearly as funny." Isabela spoke.

"Just think of it as a story about sibling rivalry, not about sweeping." Varric explained.

"I suppose it _is_ funny, I just would have done things differently." Hawke added.

"Eh? How would you have dealt with Bartrand, Hawke?" Sebastian asked.

"Yes, Hawke, how _would_ you deal with that?" Merril inquired over her next bit of cake.

Hawke didn't even have to think before she answered, "I would have dealt with him the same way I dealt with Carver, I would have knocked him unconscious and walked away."

And everyone busted up laughing, even Hawke, for once. Fenris tilted his head and smiled at her, "How very Hawke of you."

"It's good to know you've always been yourself." Sebastian said with shake of his head.

"Who else would I be?"

"Stop taking everything so literally, Hawke," Isabela waved her hand dismissively, "he just meant that your personality hasn't changed."

"Oh yes it has."

"Is that so? Now this, I have to hear." Varric leaned forward to listen.

"I used to be very... charismatic." It took Hawke a moment to find the right word.

"Do tell." Fenris added from his place by her side.

"Well, I could talk my way out of anything, I had a bit of a silver tongue. And as far as siblings go I had Bethany and Carver both convinced that at night the sky was really a bright green, it was simply too dark for them to see it, and until my father called me on it they both thought I was psychic as well. I was really just a cheat."

It took everyone a moment to process the information they had just been given, but Isabela spoke first, "Hmm... that _is _what I've always thought charismatic to mean." And then the laughter began again.

"What changed, Hawke?" Merril asked over... more cake...

"What didn't?" Hawke grew somber, but snapped out of it as she stood up, the dinner had come to a close, "Anyway, this has been quite entertain..."

"Hawke, are you alright?" Fenris shot up as Hawke trailed off in a daze.

"Yes, just... stood up too fast." Hawke shook it off.

Sebastian got up next, "We should do this again sometime, I'm certain there are more stories to be had, but I do need to go. Elthina needed me to sort some... things..."

"Does anyone else feel that?" Isabela asked, holding her hand to her head.

"It feels like..." Varric started, "bad food..."

"No." Hawke said, "Poison."

"What do you mean, Hawke? I don't feel anything." Merril said.

"Then it certainly wasn't in the cake." Fenris said, starting to feel the effects himself.

"It's magic, it isn't regular poison, I feel it, it's... magic..." Hawke uttered as she finally collapsed.

"Hawke!" Fenris called as he fell as well.

"Get Aveline, Kitten, get..." And Isabela went down.

"The caterer..." Varric muttered as he plopped out of his chair, and out of the corner of his eye he saw Sebastian hit the floor too.

"Oh no! Oh no! What should I do? Oh, yes, Aveline, Aveline..." Merril got up and frantically scurried for the door, only to meet the caterer's assistant in the doorway.

"Why are you still awake!" He seemed more frightened than upset.

"I only ate the cake." She answered, temporarily oblivious. "No, wait! Did _you_ do this?"

"No! No! It was Aleen, and she was mad enough that the Guard-Captain left, she's going to be furious when she finds out you're still awake. Can you please just, lay down with everyone else until they wake up?" Vincent's face was wracked with horror, not sure who to fear most, Aleen or the Champion.

"Why would I do that? I have to get Aveline." Merril's overtly stupid trust in people was getting the best of her, she couldn't see this young boy as a threat.

"No, I can't let you leave! She has my mother! It won't kill them, they'll wake up, just _stay here._"

"Hawke can help your mother, just get out of my way!" Merril spoke even faster than she normally did.

"No." Vincent pulled a dagger from a well-concealed sheath and Merril could quite obviously see from his change in demeanor that this was not going to end well, so much for overtly stupid trust, "I will not leave this to chance. I will not let her die. Stay back!"

They stared at each other for a long minute, Vincent prepared to lunge, Merril with an uncharacteristic sneer on her face. Unfortunately, Vincent was not going to live very much longer. Merril knew that her friends saw her as a child with too much power, and this was her chance to show them that in the end, she could do the right thing, she could save _them_ for a change.

The poor boy didn't have a chance. One second he was ready to defend his family against one of the mighty companions of the Champion, and the next he was writhing on the floor, clawing at his own skin, trying desperately to free whatever evil was quite literally boiling his blood. Merril did not think about the pain she was causing, but about the fastest way to kill him, and it was fast, but agonizing. "I am sorry, da'len."

She ran through the streets, searching the back-alleys of Hightown, relieved, at least, that Aveline's patrol wasn't far away. Finally, at the farthest end of a long passage that no one really knew was there (it wasn't even on the map), Merril found Aveline and her husband. "Aveline!" She shouted.

The Guard-Captain wheeled around to face her with quite the look of shock on her face. "Uh, Merril... what brings you here?"

"Hawke! Everyone! They need help, now!" Merril was still quite frantic.

As relieved as Aveline was that Merril hadn't asked what she and Donnic were doing all the way back there, it still did nothing to quell the sudden rush of adrenaline, "What happened?" She asked as they rushed to the mansion.

"The food, it was poisoned or, or something! The boy with Aleen, the caterer, I had to kill him, he wouldn't let me leave- and I- I-"

"Calm down, Merril." Aveline said as she re-did the straps on her chest plate, which she was hoping Merril didn't notice in all her fervor, but she hoped in vain.

"Wait- Why were those undone in the first place?" Merril asked, rapidly changing subject, "Was it itchy? I sometime have to redo my straps because they itch."

Luckily Merril had provided Aveline the perfect alibi, "Yes, itchy."

It would have been rather awkward for Aveline, but they had promptly made it back to the mansion, seeing as they weren't that far away to begin with. It took Aveline and Donnic a few moments to make sure that everyone still had a pulse, well, everyone but Vincent, and of course it was in that last moment that Aleen decided to make her drastic appearance.

"Well, well, well," She crooned as she sauntered in, "I should have assumed this wouldn't be as easy as I thought it would be. But I suppose this is for the best."

"Who do you work for?" Aveline demanded, getting ready to charge.

Aleen just continued her speech, "Can you imagine how much more the Champion's spirit will break when she awakes from her most terrible nightmare to find that two of her best friends have finally met death? I may have been ordered not to kill her, but you..."

"Who, do you, _work for?"_ Aveline repeated.

"A man named Danarius, if you really must know, not that you'll be around long enough to tell any-" Aleen wailed as she was bashed back into the wall by Aveline's shield, the force of which sent the chandelier crashing down to the table, a rightly terrible mess. Aveline had cut her monologue short, Aleen was obviously not used to combating such direct opponents.

"You bitch-born dog-lord! You will pay for-" And she was cut off once again, but this time it was by a hulking fist of stone crushing her skull back into the wall, quite effectively killing her and leaving a messy bloodstain. Hawke would be furious when she awoke, it took forever to get all the blood and corpses out of the mansion, now she had two more, not to mention the fucking chandelier. Oh yes, when Hawke saw what a disaster it had caused it would cease to be _just_ a chandelier, it would be a _fucking_ chandelier, and Hawke really wasn't one for such words.

"I don't see why we don't do that more often, why does Hawke always let them talk?" Merril asked.

"She says it's because everyone deserves to have their last words, but I think she secretly has a thing for theatrics." Aveline explained.

"I can see that." Donnic finally spoke up.

"What are we going to do about this, Aveline?" Merril returned to the truly pressing matter, looking down at her fallen friends.

"Well, the only thing we can do. We wait. They're still alive, we don't know of any anti-toxin, and she _did _say 'when she awakes', so I can only assume that this isn't deadly. I don't even want to try and figure out what this woman hoped to accomplish with this, but knowing Magisters it's probably cruel and unusual. Toying with their enemies, ugh. Fenris is not going to like what she had to say, hell, no one is. We should- Hey! Don't eat that, Merril!" Aveline gasped.

Merril was foraging the far end of the table that hadn't been touched by the shattering glass of the chandelier, "What?" She mumbled around a mouthful, "It's not _in_ the cake."

* * *

><p>Everything swirled around them, it seemed as though there should be a better word for it, but 'swirled' really did cover it. It was the melting of the colors around them, the walls dripped away and the floor crumbled. Everything passed and was built up again in a completely different fashion. A cold wind unaccustomed to Kirkwall blew through the new room as Hawke and her companions managed to stand back up.<p>

"The hell are we?" Isabela asked through a shiver.

"If I didn't know any better I'd say whatever we took teleported us somewhere. But, where, and why?" Varric asked in reply.

"No." Was Hawke's simple reply, her voice held no emotion as she scanned the room. The walls were built from wood, and the floor was simply dirt. There was a circular wooden table with five matching chairs and a row of cupboards lined the wall above the dusty counter next to the cooking pot. There were two doors, one of which was slightly off its hinges, broken. There was a single window that looked out to a large field.

"What, Hawke?" Fenris asked, concerned by her subtle change in behavior.

She ran her hand over the table, as if to check that it was real, "This is the Fade."

"Are you sure, Hawke? This seems pretty real to me, it's nothing like that time with that, Fey-something kid." Varric doubted Hawke's conclusion.

"He's right Hawke, this is far too real to be the Fade." Sebastian agreed.

"I hate to doubt you, Hawke," Fenris said, "but you _are_ the Templar. How do you know?"

"Wait!" Isabela exclaimed, as though an idea had finally come to fruition in her head, "The cold, and the smell! I knew it was familiar! We're in Ferelden! This _is _real!"

"That's what that is? It really _does _smell kind of like wet dog." Sebastian added. "I always wanted to visit here."

"I think they're right, Hawke," Fenris placed his hand on her shoulder, "all we have to do now is make the long journey back. Maybe we can stop by-"

"No!" She cut him off and pulled away from him, "This is _not_ real. None of it! There is a demon, somewhere, toying with us!" She was almost shouting, "This place does not exist! Not anymore!"

As surprised as they were by Hawke's sudden outburst they did not have time to react, as a man and a woman easily identifiable as a younger Leandra walked through the doorway. The man was taller than any of them and he had a sharp, square jaw. His hair was dark and almost ragged, his hands calloused from work, and his eyes were a startling blue. The two of them entered the room without a single care for the people within it, in fact, when Sebastian stood in their way they walked right through him, as if he were a ghost.

Isabela, of course, the queen of the inappropriate comment, decided to speak up, "He _is_ a tall drink of water, isn't he? Oh, if I could ask for anything, it would be ten of _him_." Hawke did not reply.

"Hawke..." Fenris said, his tone wary, "Is that, is that who I think it is?"

"Malcom and Leandra Hawke." Her voice was low, quiet. The two of them sat at the table without a word.

"This is definitely the Fade then..." Sebastian said, "I always figured you'd look like your father."

"Now that you mention it..." Isabela trailed off.

The apparition of Malcom spoke, "What are we going to do, Leandra?"

"The same thing we always do. We run."

"No, we can't, not again. The children are happy here, I can't take that away from them."

"What choice do we have!" Leandra's eyes welled with tears, "They're on to you, and I'm not going to lose you to the Templars, the children would rather have their father!" Malcom did not immediately answer her, but thought.

Hawke no longer looked at them, but to the door, she knew what came next. "Hawke?" Fenris asked.

"I know what this demon is doing. I know why we're here. This thing already has us and we will not be able to stop it until it's run its course. Hold fast."

"Wait, Hawke, what do you mean?" Varric asked, but there was no time for an answer.

Malcom spoke again, or tried to, "I'll find a way, Leandra, I'll-"

The door opened again, far more violently this time, and what Hawke knew to be a fifteen-year-old version of herself stood in the doorway, her tunic splayed with blood. "We have to go. _Now." _She demanded, gasping for breath.

Her parents stood instantly, "Maker's breath, girl, what happened to you? Where are the twins?" Leandra questioned, her voice panicked.

"I'm fine and they're safe, they're hiding in the barn. We have to _go._" The younger Hawke pleaded.

"Why? What are you talking about, and what is all this, _blood_?"

"Templars, mother, Templars! Bethany and Carver were playing some game and she got upset with him and then there was fire and I didn't see the man and I was- I was just too late and I had to- We don't have time for this, the patrol caught up with him, they know one of their men is dead and they-"

"Sh, child." Malcom calmed her, "You protected your sister, you did well. We're coming."

And everything dripped away again, leaving them in blackness. "Hawke... was that... _you_?" Isabela asked.

"Yes."

"Killing people when you were that young, and Templars, no less, why am I not surprised?" Varric smirked, but he would not have made such a comment if he had know what came next. Everything pulled back into focus, but they were in dark forest. It was a generic scene, trees and the like, if you didn't count the stand-off that was taking place. Malcom Hawke and his family stood to face eight Templars.

"On behalf of the Order, we are placing this woman in custody pending charges of murder." The man who was obviously in command of the unit stated.

"Woman! She's hardly fifteen!" Leandra objected.

"The law sees no age, ma'am, she faces execution regardless. We are willing to excuse that you attempted to flee, be glad for that."

"It is alright, mother. I will face the consequences of my actions." A somber Hawke stepped forward, Leandra's face showed terror, but in Malcom's was cunning, a plan.

The lead Templar stepped forward, "I am glad you are not making this harder on your family." An odd confusion spread across his face then, he obviously sensed something amiss. "You... you are not a mage, but you smell of blood magic."

Leandra then saw Malcom's plan, and could not believe that it had come to this. They had spoke of escape routes, but this... She knew it was the only option though, it was both her daughters or her husband. She did not speak, but tried to prepare herself for the oncoming tragedy.

The Templar looked intently on the family before him, and it took him several minutes to discern what was going on, or at least what Malcom wanted him to believe was going on, before he spoke, "Ma'am, take your youngest children and return to your home. We will return your eldest daughter to you shortly."

"What?" Leandra asked, "No! I'm not leaving my husband! He's a good man, he has done nothing wrong!" She played her part well.

"Ma'am, your husband is not who you think he is. I can explain this to you later, but I need you to go. You do not want to be here for this. Trust us, we are only doing what is best for you." The man showed true concern, he was doing what he believed to be right.

"Be safe." Leandra said as she hugged her husband one last time before she took Bethany and Carver away, she never looked back.

One of the other Templars spoke up, "She left a little too easily, didn't she?"

"No," the man in charge said, "she already knew something was wrong, she just didn't know what."

Malcom stood with a sinister grin on his face, one Hawke obviously knew was fake. "So, what now, boys?"

"You disgust me, using your own daughter to commit murder, you are a monster!" The Templar snarled.

"Father? Why are you doing this?" The young Hawke asked, although it was a far different question than the Templars assumed it to be.

Malcom ignored her, momentarily, anyway, "I assume this ends in my death?"

"Of course, you are a blood mage and a murderer, there is no place for you here."

"No!" She objected, "No, you can't kill him!" She stepped in front of her father, her arms out to defend him.

"Step aside girl, your father is not the man you know him to be."

"No! Father, what do we do?" She asked without turning to look at him.

"Feather, please, listen to me." He spoke in what was almost a whisper. Feather was his nickname for her, because she was light, and beautiful, and kind, and sweet, and all manner of other things he would tell her when he tucked her into bed at night.

"We fight, right? You fight for what you love, that's what you said, isn't it?" She was crying, her chest heaving from her labored breathing.

"Not this time, child, not this time."

"_No!_ " She shouted, "You fight for what you love! Because if you don't fight you have nothing! I am _going _to fight for you!"

He stepped forward to pull her arms down and hug her. The Templars had not intervened, probably because they did not see the girl as a threat, and the man obviously knew he had no chance to take all of them.

"There are some things worth dying for, child." Hawke turned to face him as he spoke, "Just, remember this, Feather, you don't know how strong you really are, until being strong is the only choice you have. Be strong for your mother, it's all on you now."

She nodded at him, and stepped back. She was a child wise beyond her years, and knew that her father was right. There was no other choice.

The Templar spoke up, "Are you prepared to go peacefully?"

"Yes. Make it fast." Malcom agreed.

Hawke stepped away and turned her back to him, and after the sound of a sickening slice she felt the hand of the Templar on her shoulder. "This isn't what you think it is, child. Your father was not in his right mind, he used you. We did this to protect you and your family."

"I know." Hawke spit out the words with the least amount of hostility she could manage. She had no idea how drastically her opinion on mages would change over the next years.

"You did remarkably well at fending off the magic, I could sense how strong it was, and yet you combated it valiantly, without even knowing it was there. The Templars need people with passion and strength like you, have you thought about joining the Order?" He may have had no tact, but his question was what inevitably lead Hawke to become a Templar herself, and while she was angry now, it would only be two days before she took him up on his offer. The man who killed her father would become her mentor.

And everything faded out yet again. "Is that _really _how your father died, Hawke?"

"Yes, Sebastian, it is."

"You said he died in an accident." Fenris almost sounded accusatory and angry, Hawke knew that wasn't really the case though, Fenris just had a lot of trouble with emotions, everything sounded angry with him.

"He did. Bethany _accidentally_ summoned fire near a Templar. I panicked and _accidentally_ killed him.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it didn't matter, just like everything else this demon is going drag up _doesn't matter._ It is over. It is only trying to break us, it will not succeed."

"Don't speak so soon, love." A voice that sounded unnervingly like her own sounded out in the darkness as a room with no discernible features materialized around them. "You have _no idea_ how convincing I can be."

They turned to face... Hawke? Or a version of her, anyhow. It was no secret that demons could take the forms of other people in the Fade. "What do you want from us?" Hawke asked without a second's hesitation.

"I just want to show you some things, remind you of what used to be. And don't bother trying to kill me, to be entirely honest, I'm not really even here." A chair appeared as she went to sit down, "So why don't you just sit back and enjoy the ride, I'll even let you choose where we start."

"Who sent you?"

"Not even a little request? I'm a demon that specializes in memory, you really should try to take advantage of it _before_ we get this show on the road." The false Hawke ignored the question.

"_Who. Sent. You?_" Hawke repeated.

"Fine, fine, have it your way, you overbearing ass. A woman named Aleen promised me a very profitable position if I could break the spirit of the Champion, make you easy pickings for her boss, some Magister or something, all I know is that they like to play with their _food_. I really don't give a shit though, fun is fun. So she got me some of your blood, Maker-knows-how, ha! Maker! Either way, it gives me access to _your_ life, _your_ mind, you'd be amazed at what's in blood." The demon laughed, long and far higher than Hawke's laughs ever were, "By the way... you've got _quite_ the circus going up here," She tapped her head, "I'm honestly surprised you haven't offed yourself."

"Hawke, don't listen to this. It's not real. Demons lie." Isabela was serious for once.

"Oh yes," The demon crooned, "because we all know how sound Isabela's advice is." She laughed again. "Trust me, I know I'm not going to be able to convince you that any of this is actually happening, and that's not my goal, I just want to tell your friends a little bit about the infallible Hawke. I mean, what do they _really _know about you? You're so guarded and stoic all the time, why don't we show them a little emotion?"

"Must we?" Hawke retorted, unamused.

"We must. Who do you want to start with? Carver? Bethany? Leandra? I mean, we already went over Malcom and that poor Templar... Speaking of, how _is _that 'fighting for what you love' crap going? Seriously, how well has that worked out?"

"Do you really expect your taunts to work?"

"Sadly, no... But I do know what will!" The demon waited for a reply she was not about to receive, so she kept going, "Do you remember a man named Ser Clark?"

"Ser Clark?" Hawke replied in mocking, dismissive tone.

"Yes, Ser Clark! The Templar! You don't remember him?" The demon seemed awfully excited.

"That memory will not help you reach your goal." Hawke's tone was harsh, more so than usual.

"But if I fail at that, it _will_ make _me_ feel better."

Varric chose the moment of silence that followed to start talking, "Hey Hawke, doesn't it creep you the hell out to stand there talking to yourself?"

"Not really. Besides, it's a Tuesday, weird things happen to us on Tuesdays." She nodded sagely at the dwarf.

"And Wednesdays, and Thursdays, and Fridays..." Isabela trailed off.

"This is what you mortals call conversation? Ugh, I am so glad I don't live in your boring world, I'd rip my eyes out. Or everyone else's." The demon threw her head back in another shrill laugh.

"Can we kill this thing, Hawke?" Fenris's voice showed actual anger this time.

"We could try, but that isn't actually the demon."

"Awe, how original, the mage-hating slave is getting trigger-happy over a demon. Who would have _ever _guessed?" The demon mocked, "Well, we should get on with this then. Hmm... Carver's death is boring, and it's too soon to pull out Leandra... So Bethany! Yes, _Bethany_." The demon snapped and they were back in the Deep Roads.

Along with Varric, Hawke had taken Bethany and Aveline with her, so the only person among her current companions that had even been present for the event of Bethany's death was, of course, Varric. Both he and Aveline had refused to speak about it, and even when Fenris had questioned Hawke on the subject in private she had remained silent._ 'She's dead, it is what it is.' _He had even tried to ask Varric how bad it really was, he just said that it wasn't something he should talk about, that Hawke wasn't really Hawke that day. Fenris did manage to get a little more out of him, but it wasn't much. _'_

_ The second Bethany collapsed Hawke changed. It was heartbreaking enough to see her holding her dying sister, so when she asked Aveline and I to go on ahead, I didn't hesitate. When she caught up with us, she was alone, of course, but I couldn't help but notice that she had cried. Not that she shouldn't of, but Hawke? Crying? That alone was almost worse than Bethany dying.'_

"You two go on ahead, I'll catch up." Hawke cradled her sister in her arms and the others simply nodded and walked on. Hawke knew what had to be done, and she knew that she would be the one to do it. This was it, her ultimate failure, the end of the line.

"Sister, please, don't let this take me, I don't want the taint to kill me." Bethany smiled at her, the same sweet smile she always wore.

"I know, Bethany, I know."

Bethany hesitated a moment before she continued, "Can you tell me now? You said... You said you'd tell me when I turned fifty, but I really don't think I'm going to make it that far."

"Bethany..." Hawke tried to force back her tears, "Of course. He... he said that there are some things worth dying for. Be strong."

"He didn't- he didn't tell you that he loved you?" Bethany asked, surprised.

"No. He didn't have to. I already knew. Besides, he knew I wasn't one for the mushy stuff." Hawke cracked a smile.

"Could you be? Just this once, for me?"

"Yeah, Beth, I can, just this once."

"Thank you, sister, don't forget to tell mother that I love her, and that I'm sorry. I'm sorry to you, too, you know? And I'm sorry that I never told you that."

"What are you talking about? What do you have to be sorry for?"

"I got Father killed, I never apologized for that."

"No! No, Bethany, that_ wasn't_ _your fault._" Hawke cried in earnest now.

"I could have just gone to the Circle, and he'd still be alive. It was me, Hawke, I know that. You always took the blame but it was me that caused it."

"No. No, you shut your mouth, it would have ended the same regardless. The Templar would have came to tell them they were taking you and dad would have killed him."

"You really think so?" Bethany's voice grew weaker as their final conversation passed.

"I know so." Hawke raised her hand to Bethany's face, "He loved you. _I_ love you. Everyone has always loved you, Bethany."

Her smile was starting to fade, "I love you, too. Just, promise me this, keep mother safe?"

"I promise. Goodbye, Bethany." And it was over. She was gone. Hawke laid her down on the stone, "I'm sorry." She stood up and walked through the invisible onlookers, her face had returned to the same blank slate everyone knew it to be.

"Tsk, tsk, tsk." The demon had quickly return them to the nameless room, "Add _that_ to the list of promises you've failed to keep."

"Are you quite finished?" Hawke asked, thoroughly unaffected, "Your ploy is obviously not working."

"Ah, but it is!" The demon leaped up from her seat. "Look at them, you know that look, Hawke. That's _pity. _It is festering in their minds, and I will cement it's place there. I promise you that."

The room blinked away once more, but it came back into focus at the Amell estate. "Are we finally back?" Sebastian asked, "Is it over?"

"No. It is not." Hawke said, she could still feel the Fade around her. She was glad for her Templar training, had she been anyone else she'd be lost in this nightmare.

"We're back at your place though, and there aren't any carbon-copies of any of us anywhere. I think we're good this time." Isabela stated.

"No. Why would the demon just send us back when she's obviously not finished?"

"So it can finish us off later, we should prepare, find out who sent it." Fenris stepped for the door, which opened in the same moment. The woman that walked through it was none other than Hawke herself.

"Spoke too soon, didn't I?" Isabela asked rhetorically.

The Hawke that had just walked in took her seat in front of the fireplace, and about thirty seconds in Varric voiced an irritated query, "So this bitch wants us to sit and watch you watch your fire? What the hell does this accomplish?"

"I wonder the same." Fenris added.

"I figured we were headed back to the Foundry, at the rate she was going, this is a nice change of pace though." Isabela shrugged.

"No, it's not. The demon didn't send us to the Foundry because aside from Varric, you were all there." Hawke watched herself, she knew it would only be a few moments before Gamlen charged in.

"Then what are we doing here? This obviously isn't a very dramatic moment." Isabela said as Gamlen entered, "Spoke too soon again, didn't I?" Hawke nodded back to her.

"Did you find her? Did you find Leandra?" He asked.

She didn't turn to face him, "Yes."

"And? Where is she?" Gamlen was irritated and angry, and rightly so.

"She's dead."

"What? What are you saying, girl?" He shouted.

"She's dead. There's not a clearer way to say that, is there?" Her voice dripped with hatred.

"You're full of shit. I know you don't like me, but damn it, you're not keeping my sister from me!"

"You're right, I'm not keeping her from you."

"This is not the time for your smart mouth!" Gamlen shook his head, he knew that with what the urchin boy had said and they blood they had found Hawke wasn't lying, he simply didn't want to believe the truth. "What happened to her?"

"Blood mage."

"Mages, it's always fucking mages." He muttered, "Did you kill the one who did this?"

"Of course."

"But why? Why her?"

"Does it really matter? Knowing doesn't change anything. She's dead."

"Stop saying that! It's _your_ fault!"

Hawke clenched her jaw, but she didn't stand to face him, "You don't think I know that?"

"You'd be an idiot not to, and I suppose that's one thing you aren't. You should have saved her. You should have been faster, stronger! Your weakness got your mother killed!" He yelled. He needed someone to blame.

"Go away, Gamlen." Hawke's expression never faltered, she remained blank, just as she had in the Foundry.

"Or what? You'll let a blood mage get me? Or maybe an ogre? Or the darkspawn? You get everyone you love killed, Hawke, you ought to tell that elf to watch his back. And do me a favor, don't love me." Even though this had taken place before the two were an item, Bethany had noticed her sister's silent infatuation with Fenris, no one else did, of course, but no one else really understood quite how Hawke worked. Somewhere down the road she told her mother, who of course told Gamlen, because she told Gamlen everything. His words stung, but then again, they were supposed to.

"I think I can do that."

"You really are heartless, aren't you? You just watched your mother die and you aren't even going to bat an eye?"

"You do not know me, Gamlen." Hawke still hadn't looked at him, her eyes remained locked on the fire.

"I know you aren't even going to cry about this. You didn't cry about Bethany or Carver, or even your father. Why would you shed a tear for your mother? You disgust me."

"And how would you know that?" She asked, but to Gamlen it was as good as a confirmation.

"Your mother told me. After Malcom died, while everyone else cried, you just sat there and stared. Bethany, Carver, the same thing. Your mother might not have seen you for what you are, but I do. You're an emotionless bitch. I would have even chosen Malcom over you, at least he loved your mother." And Gamlen slammed the door before Hawke had a chance to reply.

"Why do I have the sudden urge to manually insert a bolt between Gamlen's eyes?" Varric snarled.

"We never got along, and he needed someone to blame."

"Does that really excuse saying something like that?" Fenris pointed out.

"No, I suppose it doesn't."

The memory of Hawke sat there for a moment, still staring, before she looked up to the window, "What do I do now, father? Everything is gone. Everything we had, destroyed. I failed you." She paused, but the scene did not yet fade. Hawke had no doubt that this monologue was the demon's true goal. "What do I have left? What is there that's worth dying for anymore?" Her voice was growing hostile, and she finally stood up and paced the room. "I fought!" She shouted, "I fought with everything I had! I did exactly what you told me to! And everyone is dead!" She grabbed the closest thing she could find, a large paperweight on her desk, "What do I have to fight for now!" And she threw it, and it passed right through Varric's head before it smashed into the desk with a massively loud thud.

"Ow, Hawke, you throw hard." He shrugged, his attempt to lighten the mood actually pulled a smirk out of her.

Then there was a knock at the door. She pulled herself together instantly and went to answer it. It was Fenris. Even though the scene faded out then, Fenris still took the time to comment, "So... that's what that crash was."

Despite everything, Hawke actually laughed, not much, but still, "Yeah, it was."

"After all that, you're in a _good mood?" _The demon asked from behind, and they turned to face her.

"Your plan has failed, apparently." Hawke believed that her team was stronger than anything this thing could throw at them.

"Has it?" Hawke felt magic in the air, the demon was preying on and multiplying the emotions of her companions, she clenched her fists and hoped they fared better this time than they had with their last trip to the Fade.

"Stand strong." Hawke spoke with the authority of a commander, it was her battle voice, "It cannot win if you do not let it."

"Is that so?" The false Hawke purred, "Isabela? Do you... _believe_ in your leader?"

She hesitated. Isabela took a long time before speaking, which was unlike her, but in this case was much better than the alternative. "Yes." She finally managed. "Yes, Hawke has saved my ass more times than I can count. She's my best friend. You lose."

The demon growled, "Fine. Goodbye." She snapped her fingers and Isabela simply vanished.

"Where did she go?" Varric asked, slightly panicked.

"She woke up. None of us are mages, if she kills us we simply wake up." Hawke answered.

"Good thing Daisy isn't here." Varric sighed in relief.

"Enough chatter! Sebastian, you're next." Hawke could feel it in the air again as the demon spoke, she was redoubling her efforts, "Do you have _faith_ in your Champion?"

Sebastian's pity was more than evident, he cared too much, but in the end he did not let it shake him, his will was strong. "Yes. She helped me destroy my family's murderers, and supported me in my decision to stay with the Chantry. I have faith in her. You lose." He repeated Isabela's statement with a smirk.

The demon growled much louder this time, "Have it your way." And Sebastian was gone. The demon was obviously using a tremendous amount of magic to try and turn them, and was furious that it was failing, "Varric! Would _you_ trust her with your life?"

Varric didn't hesitate for a second, "Are you shitting me? I already do, constantly. If this story doesn't pan out I lose my whole retirement. Ugh, I don't really want to say this, but since it's a trend... You lose." Varric cocked his head to the side, "You know, I take it back, that's actually really fun to say. You. Lose!" He then pulled Bianca's trigger and a bolt lodged itself in the demon's chest, and Varric laughed.

The demon didn't so much as flinch, she glared down at Varric. "You know, I really don't like you." And Varric was gone as well. The demon pulled the bolt from her torso, leaving only a spreading bloodstain. "Do I even have to ask you, Fenris?"

"Not unless you really want to." Was Fenris's smug reply.

"Now send us back, demon, you have obviously failed, as I said you would." Hawke sneered at her.

"Oh no, you see, I'm _quite_ upset that you've lost me my pay, and I've decided that if I can't destroy your team, I'm going to destroy your relationship. I can see it in your head, your greatest fear is for people to look at you as victim, and he'll never look at you the same after this." Hawke and the demon glared at each other, Hawke knew there was nothing she could do though, this was going to happen whether she liked it or not, and she most certainly did not. "Fenris," the demon said, "you're going to want to pay real close attention to this one."

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><p><strong>AN:** I hope you liked it! I really do, this was kind of out-on-a-limb for me, let me know if it worked. I have all these ideas in my head that revolve around other companions seeing/living through the memories of the others, but I've never written any out. There might have been some confusion about the time-line, and even though I've already said that it doesn't follow the actual game at all, I hope that I didn't make any mistakes. The next chapter is going to be kind of dark, at least the Ser Clark part, then there's going to be some serious Danarius ass-kicking, which might be a little sad, but I'm not totally sure if I'm going to take it that route. Either way, R&R, I love you guys, sorry I take so long to update, all that good stuff! Oh, and I'm sorry that Hawke lost some of her anonymity there, with the nickname and all, I've tried to make her easy enough to imagine as your Hawke, but sometimes stuff like that slips through.

Side question: To anyone who has played the Mark of the Assassin DLC, did anyone else notice _instantly_ what Tallis actually is? I suppose I probably only noticed because of how much Qunari research I've done for A Rogue's Discretion, but STILL. The emblem is right there ON HER ARMOR.

Alright, about that title competition I was talking about! Way up there at the top! It's not going to be very formal. I want my stories (at least the first three) to match. This is A Warrior's Heart. My other story is A Rogue's Discretion. But I don't know what the title for the next one is supposed to be! So your challenge is this: Fill in the blank. A Mage's _

The story isn't even decided yet, I planned on basing it on the title, so this is a big deal! I only know that the Hawke is going to be female, I can't write a male Hawke for some gawd-awful reason. Anyway, the winner won't be decided until I'm ready to start writing, or if one your titles hits my muse button really, really hard. The prize? It's up to the winner. I believe there will be two options, a one-shot designed specifically for you! Or I can put your original character in the story! Depending on how much I like your character, and how well they integrate with my plot, it might just be one chapter, or it could be much more, it just depends. I'll let you know beforehand in case you decide you want the one-shot more.

To enter, leave your submission in your review, or send me message! If you _only_ want to enter a title, and _not _a review too, _please_ send me a message. Alright, longest Author's Note ever is over. I love you guys.


	9. Ser Clark

**A/N: **Welcome back, my diligent readers! Glad to see that someone is sticking around! Keep up your title entries, I'm really liking them, I even have a folder in my inbox for them specifically! Anyway, forewarning, chapter is edgy, so, if you're not in the mood for something dark I'd recommend just skimming. Also, I've re-genre'd the story because I've found that it's not quite as funny anymore, more so angsty. Also, I've been fiddling with the summary, because I'm terrible at those, but I think I've finally settled, and I'll re-write it entirely when I complete the story. Read on!

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><p>No one is strong just because.<p>

No one is born courageous or brave.

No one simply decides that they're going to be a hero.

No one really chooses their path.

Everyone has a story.

Everyone has a turning point.

Everyone makes a choice.

But not everyone chooses to be strong.

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><p>"What the fuck did you guys do to this place!" Isabela exclaimed as she and the others came to.<p>

"Of course that's what you have to say. Not 'Is everyone okay?' Not 'Who drugged us?' Not even 'Thanks for saving our asses from the crazy mage!' All you care about is the mess." Aveline huffed. There was a distinct lack of Donnic in the room, someone had to finish the patrol, after all.

"Oh, no, I couldn't give two shits about the mess, it's Hawke I'm worried about. Do you have any idea how furious she's going to be when she sees what you did to her dining room?" Isabela smirked, completely back to normal.

"What _I_ did? Why is this _my _fault!" Aveline argued.

"Are you really going stand there and tell me that it wasn't you?"

"It wasn't! Well, the chandelier, _maybe_, but the blood and the corpses are all on Merril!"

"Good on you, Daisy." Varric piped in with supporting nod in Merril's direction.

"I didn't really do anything special, I just- I just did what I was supposed to do." She stuttered.

"Oh shush, Kitten, you did wonderfully." Isabela confirmed.

"Oh! That is _it!_ She destroys things and it's 'wonderful', but if _I_ did it it's just awful!" Aveline was still upset that she hadn't gotten her thank you.

"_You_ destroyed the chandelier, and that _is _awful. When she wakes up you are _so_ dead."

"_If_ she wakes up." Sebastian finally spoke, he didn't really believe that Hawke was just going to snap out of it like they did. The group's focus suddenly turned on the bodies of their fallen friends.

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><p>It was late afternoon, probably just after lunch. The place looked decent enough, the dirt road was flanked by pale-green fields of some recently planted crop and the first houses of Lothering lay within the eye's reach. There were distant voices, the words understandable, but unrecognizable.<p>

"It's because I have a bigger sword, obviously."

"Which is ridiculous, how does a girl even swing that thing?"

"You tell me, you're the only girl here."

"Oh shut up, Hawke."

Hawke, the first voice was Hawke. He could tell now, but she sounded so much younger, happier.

"You're the one that brought it up."

"Am not."

"Are to. You asked why I get to do all the ass-kicking and you get stuck with reconnaissance, so I told you."

"Fair point. Anyway, Hawke, I wanted to thank you, I couldn't have asked for a better partner."

"Well, I'm sure you could have asked, but you wouldn't have got one."

"Damn it, Hawke! Could you be serious for once? I'm trying to be nice."

"I don't have to be serious for you to be nice."

"Fine, you win."

"I always win, but thank you, it means a lot to me." And Hawke stepped into the picture, full Templar armor and giant sword strapped to her back. She was entirely different than the Hawke that Fenris knew now. She was an adult, obviously, her features were the same, but she was... lighter, for lack of a better term.

"I- uh- sure thing, Hawke." The man that stood with her was none other than a blushing Cullen. His face wasn't as worn, but it was definitely him.

Fenris was immediately furious. There was no logical thought in his head, he didn't even consider that this had occurred long before Hawke had even known that Fenris existed, he didn't think about how Hawke had obviously chosen him, he could only see that_ his _Hawke was with Cullen. He turned on the woman next to him, "Please tell me this isn't what I think it is."

Hawke stared dejectedly at the ground, "It's not. It's worse." Hawke's voice was fuzzy, faded almost, as was her image. He could see her, but there was something missing, something different. He assumed it was the demon's doing.

"What do you mean worse?" He clenched his teeth together.

"I mean worse. That's all there is to-" Hawke's voice faded away as the scene resumed.

"Alright,well, we need to be getting back, Ser Clark hates late paperwork." Hawke said. Fenris tried to shut his eyes, he was tired of Cullen's face, but everything reappeared. He tried to turn away, but the world moved with him. There was no avoiding this.

"You sure you don't want me to go with you?"

"To deliver paperwork?" Hawke raised an eyebrow.

"Not just that, I don't- I'm not-"

"Come on, you can say it. What's so important?"

"I don't like Ser Clark." Cullen blurted out.

"You don't like Ser Clark?"

"No. There's something about him, something not right. I mean, have you seen the way he looks at you?"

"He _doesn't_ look at me, besides, he's our boss, we're not _supposed_ to like him." At this point, Hawke had yet to learn the finer points of reading people.

"Not when you're paying attention, but trust me, Hawke, I don't think you should be alone with him."

"Awe, you're worried about me! But in case you forgot, the last three patrols we've been on it's

me that's been saving you, I can take care of myself."

"I know that, Hawke. Just, be careful."

"I will." Hawke said, "So are you gonna be at dinner tonight? They're having some sort of Orlesian meat or something, there's some guys here from Redcliffe and we're supposed to be all _fancy_."

"You? Fancy? Highly unlikely."

"I know, right?"

"Either way, I wouldn't miss it."

* * *

><p>An office? Maybe? Or were these barracks of some sort? They didn't look like the barracks at the Keep. The young Hawke was hunched over a desk, quite irritated by whatever she was working on. It was no aid to her mood that she had to skip the last half of dinner for it. The red-headed Sister that approached her marked this place as a Chantry.<p>

"Ser Hawke? Are you alright? You seem... agitated." A thick, Orlesian accent inquired.

"Of course, I just- ugh, I _hate _paperwork." Hawke half-heartedly slammed her fist on the table.

"In Orlais, the Templars had assistants that did their paperwork for them, perhaps you would be happier there?"

"Oh, goodness no! In my off time I'd have to wear _dresses_." Hawke protested.

The Sister laughed, "You would look wonderful in a dress, why do you protest so?"

"Leliana, you're an intelligent woman and dear friend, but I am afraid that is something you may never understand." Hawke shook her head.

"I suppose it is. Either way, I came by to tell you that Ser Clark has called for you, he said it was quite urgent, and that you must see him before dinner ends."

"Oh, why for?" Hawke questioned.

"I do not know, I asked, but he said it was none of my business. He is quite a rude man when Ser Bryant is not around." Leliana answered.

"Trust me, I know. I had better get going then, dinner is over in what, twenty minutes or so?"

"Thirty, Ser Hawke."

* * *

><p>She knew there was something wrong the second she stepped through the door to Ser Clark's office. Her gut said so, and even back then, her gut was never wrong. She could feel it, an ominous air cut with the stench of treachery. Hawke stepped further in and heard the door click behind her. Locked. She whirled around to find Ser Clark, his trademark grin painted across his face.<p>

He wasn't an ugly man, he wasn't very attractive either, but nonetheless, not ugly. He was relatively nondescript, plain. His choppy brown hair covered all the right parts of his head, his eyes were a normal brown and his features were correctly proportional. His dress clothes for the night's dinner were regular, he was of average height, average build, but in that moment Hawke was more afraid of this entirely vanilla man than she had been of anything in her life.

_ Show no fear._ That's what she told herself. _Survive. _Her mantra echoed in her head. _Fight._

"Ser Hawke, you are incredibly hard woman to get alone, and don't worry, I'm only locking the door because I have rather sensitive information to discuss with you. Please, sit." His voice was just as plain as he was.

"I suppose I am. If this is so important why didn't you go to someone of a higher rank? I doubt _Ser Hawke_ is exactly first on the 'sensitive information' list." Hawke spoke as she followed his order.

"Well, normally you aren't," Ser Clark droned, taking his seat not at his desk, but merely a few feet from her, "but in this case, you are the _only_ person on the list."

"Is that so?" Hawke asked, "Well then, if you wanted to wrap this up before dinner ends you better get talking."

"And there you go with that mouth of yours, that's no way to speak to your betters." He glared and his voice deepened, moreover, Hawke was frightened by his choice of words. Young she may be, still ignorant in many things, but she was observant. Her tongue had often gotten her in trouble with her boss, though the others at the Chantry, including her boss's boss, Ser Bryant, didn't mind that she spoke without hesitation. In the instances that Ser Clark had scolded her for it, that had seemed harmless then, but held far more weight now, he had always told her not to speak that way to her superiors, not her betters. In was an innocuous change, but an important one regardless.

Her jaw clenched, "I apologize, Ser Clark, I did not mean to offend. What did you wish of me?"

"That's more like it." He muttered before speaking up, "It has come to my attention that we have an apostate living in our very own village, and I will not have Lothering become home to a maleficar."

A maleficar. Labeled for death. There was no redemption for them. They were slain on sight. Worse, a maleficar for which Ser Clark had expressly come to Hawke, and Hawke alone. Shit. This was far worse than she had assumed, this wasn't an attack. This was blackmail.

"Oh, is it Barlin? I've always suspected him of something less than holy." Hawke joked.

"It is not Barlin. Our maleficar is far more stealthy, I'm afraid."

"And what proof do you have that this actually _is _a maleficar? A simple apostate is far more likely." Hawke questioned, trying to sound concerned.

"She is a maleficar because I say she is. Ser Bryant is the only Templar here that outranks me, and he trusts me on such matters, physical proof does not matter." Ser Clark sneered.

Hawke hesitated for a moment before speaking, she decided it best not to argue that fact, it would get her nowhere. "Then why are you telling me? Why do you not start your witch hunt?" Her voice was not nearly as chipper as it normally would be.

"Your tone tells me that you know exactly why." He leaned forward to leer at her.

"Please, do enlighten me." She snarled.

He laughed, "Because you'll go down with her, and I'd hate to see that happen to such a lovely young woman." He stood up, and positioned himself between Hawke and the door, looming over her. "When it is discovered that the Hawke family houses a _second_ maleficar, and that there is a Templar among them to protect her, well, I can't see that going over very well. Your brother and your mother will be in question along with you, if your deceased father's magic could corrupt the young Bethany, could Bethany's magic not corrupt them? Think about it, _Ser _Hawke, I say the right things and your whole family goes up in flames. I'm hailed as a hero, for saving Lothering from a previously unknown evil, and you all die."

Hawke did not turn to face him, "What do you want?"

"Personal favors. As many as I want, whenever I want them. I'm sure you understand how attractive you are, how appealing your personality is, you're a woman just asking to be tamed. You shouldn't be surprised."

"I'm not." She only needed to stall, if she could drag this out to the end of the dinner, when people would flood the halls, when Cullen would come to find her, she'd be alright. They could flee overnight and no one would ever see a Hawke in Lothering again. If only.

"Then we have a deal. You should start removing your clothing now, I'm calling in a favor." Hawke could hear the lechery in his voice.

Fenris had so far watched the scene in a mute horror, but now he had to speak, he turned to current Hawke that stood by him, "Please tell me you didn't do this."

There was still something off that he couldn't place, there was some sort of haze over her that stopped him from discerning it. "I didn't." She said, and the memory continued.

Hawke stood and turned to face him, "No, there is no deal."

Ser Clark was disappointed, "I thought you might say that, it's one of the things I like about you. You don't ever give in, you fight. But you really should consider the alternative, you're not walking out of this room until I get what I want, and if I have to take it, you won't be walking."

"You can't really expect to get away with this."

"I can, and I will. In the end Hawke, I'm a far more experienced fighter than you are, you can't win and you know it. Whether or not you fight me, things end the same way, except you die in this room. You attacked me, driven mad by the blood magic your sister has using to control you all this time, I had no choice but to defend myself." His story was obviously convincing.

She was out of options, there was no more stalling, she had a choice to make. Sleep with him, go home, bathe for hours and then run, only to be hunted that much more diligently for the rest of their lives. Or agree to his conditions. No. No, Hawke had only one choice, fight, and pray to the Maker that somebody would stick up for her in death. Maybe, just maybe she could hold him off long enough, she had what, fifteen, twenty minutes left before people started trickling through the halls?

"I'm not going to make this easy for you."

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

And so the skirmish began. Hawke was taking far more blows than she was handing out, but she took them without so much as a flinch. Fenris couldn't handle it, but no matter how hard he tried to get away from it, he couldn't. The fight continued as he spoke, "Hawke, you obviously aren't dead, _please_ tell me something stopped this." His voice actually cracked.

"I'm sorry, Fenris."

"Why are you sorry? This isn't your fault, you _never _apologize for things that aren't your fault."

"But it is, I shouldn't have spent so much time around him, I shouldn't have acted like such a slut all the time. I was asking for it, I deserved this." Hawke shook her head and stared at the echo of her former self.

Fenris was shocked, he stared at her in disbelief, Hawke would never say something like that. As he fought to understand what else she could have possibly meant something in his mind fought back haze that had fallen over his Hawke. It was definitely her, but his eyes quickly picked out the major difference, he almost didn't notice it, but there it was, painted on her torso. The bloodstain from Varric's bolt. "You aren't Hawke."

The demon dropped the act to laugh at him, "Took you long enough."

"Where is she?" Fenris growled.

"You know," the demon said, ignoring his question, "of every memory Hawke has, this is undoubtedly the most clear. She remembers everything about this day, but more importantly, everything about _him_. How he smells, what he sounded like, every word he said, the texture of his skin, what every single touch and prod felt like, every hit, every thrust. _Fight. Fight. Fight. _She just keeps repeating it in her head over and over and over. It's annoying."

"Where is she?" Fenris repeated. The memory of Hawke's attack continued, he had finally pinned her, but she kept fighting.

"But you know," she continued to ignore him, "there's one thing that pops up in her head every now and again that's truly intriguing. When she's not telling herself to keeping fighting, she's asking where the hell _Cullen_ is. Why hasn't he come looking for her yet?" She paused, "Has she ever waited for_ you_ to save her?"

"Where is she!" Fenris shouted.

"Oh, yes, about that... She's right there." The demon extended her arm to point at the woman being brutally assaulted in the corner of the office.

* * *

><p>Hawke knew it wasn't really happening, she knew this was a trick and she held onto that. It didn't change anything though. She was still stuck in the body of the woman she used to be. She still had no control over what was going to happen. She still had to feel it. She knew it would be more real than any memory could ever be.<p>

The day whittled on, being on duty with the ever flirtatious and fumbling Cullen, chatting with Leliana, eating dinner with the Redcliffe soldiers, having to leave early to finish paperwork so she could get home before the twins went to bed. They always slept better when they knew she was home. Then she stepped into the office and everything moved much slower. She thought it had been slow before, having to live everything over again, knowing what came at the end, but these last few moments were merely dripping by.

"I wouldn't have it any other way."

Aside from grunts and insults and what could vaguely be construed as moans, those were the last words she ever heard from Ser Clark. Then she fought. She tried with everything she had to take control of the situation, but even though she saw every blow coming, she couldn't do anything to stop it.

She remembered the pain, and the shame, and the disgust. What she remembered most though, was the fear. She wasn't afraid cutting down a Templar at 15, she wasn't afraid to stand up to a horde of them, she wasn't afraid of apostates or Chasind or maleficarum, but now, for the first time in her life that she could remember, Hawke was terrified. While her body continued to resist, eventually the voice in her head stopped telling her to fight, stopped hoping for a savior, and simply wished for it to be over. It had to end eventually.

Then everything was cold. She stopped resisting and simply laid there, until it got warm again. Something was holding her and she thrashed against it with a renewed vigor. She shouted at it.

"Hawke, stop! It's over! It's _over!_" There was a hand on her face, Clark had never touched her face, so she forced herself to look at it. Cullen. He had come after all. "Hawke, you're safe now, I'm here."

She turned into his chest, finally letting herself rest, "I want to go home."

* * *

><p>It was the first, and last, fight she had ever lost. Certainly, most of the battles she won now were by the aide of her friends, and also by her leadership, but they were still victories. That, however, was defeat, in its purest form. She had fought, and she had been beaten. She was lucky to have gotten out alive, lucky that Leliana had suspected something and had immediately gone to tell Cullen where she was, lucky that he cared enough to race from the dining hall to find her. Still, Hawke was never the same after that.<p>

There's a moment, an event, an instance, a time in which everything changes. For Hawke, that was it. She wasn't nice anymore, she didn't sweet-talk her way into or out of anything. On her worst days, she was brutish and rude, on her best days she didn't say a word. It was stated in the reports that Ser Clark had turned on his two best recruits in a fit of rage, and since Hawke was littered with bruises and broken bones, it was easy to believe. Wounds like that were not self inflicted. So no one questioned her drastic change in behavior.

It was discovered soon after his death that many women had been subjected to Ser Clark's blackmail, but none of them fought back. Cullen received a promotion for taking down the corrupt Templar, and was transferred to Lake Calenhad. Hawke's newly found fervor for her job pushed her up through the ranks, until she stood at the same position Ser Clark himself had.

Aside from Cullen, no one ever knew what happened to Hawke, no one aside from her first and only friend outside her family, Leliana. She had helped clean her up, and then Hawke went home, her family remaining oblivious to what had occurred. They all knew that something had happened, but it wasn't until years later in Kirkwall that Hawke told her mother, who cried about it more than Hawke ever did. To Hawke, it was weakness, if she let it run her life, even in death, he had won. That's what she told herself, but in reality she just couldn't ever say it out loud, the word itself was poison to her. Rape. It was such an ugly word, and to think that a thing like that could have ever happened to her, it was disgusting.

She lied to herself, of course, saying that she wouldn't let it run her life, because it did. It changed everything about her, not necessarily for the worst, but she certainly would not have been the same if it hadn't happened. Even now, she would spend hours in thought, wondering about the life she could have had. Would she have even made it this far? Would she and Cullen ever have ended up together? It _was_ that night that ruined any chance of a relationship, after all. Would she have ever met any of her friends? Would she have ever known Fenris? If she had, would he have even liked her the way she was? She always surmised that he wouldn't. She wondered still if she could ever go back to that, and always, _always_ she knew that she couldn't. That Hawke was dead.

And now she was awake. She shot straight up in a fit of labored breathing, unlike her companions there had been no groggy awakening. It was all just as real as it was all those years ago, the second she woke up she still believed there was a man to be fought off and her head jerked around in a panic, looking for an assailant to destroy.

"Hawke?" Her mind snapped back into focus, she knew where she was and who was talking to her.

She shook her head as if to clear a fog, "Did you need something, Varric?"

"Do _I_ need something? No. But you? Are you alright?" Varric asked, honestly concerned. Hawke's other companions stood around the room, all just as worried. No one seemed to care about the mess anymore, because Hawke obviously didn't.

Her face returned to its natural state, all traces of panic erased. "No, I'm good."

"Bullshit." Isabela said, earning disapproving stares from her friends, "What? Are we just going to pretend like none of this happened? Because it did."

"I'm fine, Isabela, what's done is done." Hawke's tone was unusually irritated as she stood up.

"Oh, if you say so." Isabela mocked.

"Now is not the time, Isabela." Aveline warned.

"Correct." Hawke added, "I'm fine, you're all obviously fine, and Fenris will be fine when he gets up, so drop it."

"About Fenris..." Aveline started.

"What about him?" Hawke pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed.

"The woman that poisoned you, Danarius sent her."

Hawke made a disgusted noise in her throat, "Why am I not surprised? I'll handle it when he wakes up. For now, I think I'd rather be alone."

Sebastian, Aveline, Merril and Varric had no quarrel, and went to leave with minimal sentiments, but Isabela had to speak. "So you're just gonna send us off?"

"It's not the last time you'll ever see me, I'll be at the Hanged Man tomorrow, as planned."

"That's not what I meant and you know it. Watching your family die didn't phase you, but whatever you just saw sent you into the first panic I've ever seen you in, _ever_, and you aren't even going to say anything?" Isabela was merely concerned, but it was not the time, nor would it ever be.

Hawke tightened and released her fists, took a deep breath, and continued, "Isabela, there are only four people in all of Thedas, five now, that know anything about what I was just made to relive, and two of them are dead. I'm not going to tell you about it now, I'm not going to tell you about it later, and that is final."

Isabela half-smirked, "That bad, huh?"

There was a scuffling noise from behind them, signifying Fenris's return, and when Hawke turned her head back to see him looking up at her, for a moment she saw pity and sadness, and fear. Upon recognizing that everyone was 'business-as-usual' he quickly reformed himself. They all waited for him to stand and survey the room, which only took a few seconds, before he spoke "The demon is dead. It told me it was Danarius who truly sent her, I apologize." He hung his head.

"Good riddance." Sebastian said.

"Agreed." Isabela nodded. No one mentioned his apology, mostly because they all knew it was pointless to argue with him.

"We were just leaving." Aveline tipped her head to Hawke and headed out the door, and the others followed. Hawke closed the door behind them with a deafening thud.

She didn't say a word. She closed the few feet between them and took a few seconds to look at him in the silence. He knew her before, but now he understood her. There was something in his eyes that had changed. She wrapped her arms around him and his curled tightly around her in return. "I love you, Hawke."

Hawke had feared that this would be the end for them, she didn't know why it would change anything, surely worse things had happened to Fenris himself and she never even considered it, but in her mind this was different. He wasn't allowed to fight back. She was, and she had failed. Hearing him say he loved her, even after watching all her weakest moments, proved her wrong. Her tears betrayed her and a sob worked its way into her words. "I love you, too, Fenris."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** I had originally intended for this chapter to extend all the way to the end of the whole Danarius arc, but there's far too much I want to do to cram it all into one. Good news though, next chapter contains a thoroughly dead Danarius. I hope it wasn't too much of a stretch that young Hawke and Leliana were besties (gawd, I hate that word though), both Aveline and Bethany obviously knew her, so I figure it's all good. This story also puts the twins and Hawke at a larger age gap, not that it should matter much anymore.

This chapter is almost solely to explain why Hawke is the way she is, character building and all. I hope it wasn't too bad for those that really don't enjoy this sort of thing. In exchange for this melodramatic angst chapter, the next chapter will contain heads bashed into walls. I like heads bashed into walls, evil ones anyhow. R&R if the mood so hits you!


	10. The Longest Day

**A/N: **Oh my gosh, guys, I'm back! Did you miss me? We had no Internet for a SUPER long time and it SUCKED. Anyway, straight to business, there's a lot going on in this chapter, and as my wonderful beta, Wynterkiss, has pointed out, there are chunks of it that are rushed and a tad confusing. I was going to go back and re-write, but the muse for this story is kind of drying up at the moment. It'll come back though. I really wanted to get this out, however, so here it is! Oh! And I'll mention it again at the bottom, but there's an intro to my next story in my profile if you wanna go take a look! It's short-ish, so it won't take long to read! I'm thinking that I lied to you guys when I said that I wouldn't be starting on it until I finished these two. The words just aren't coming for these and I'm super excited for that one! The winner of my naming contest will be contacted today, and announced in the first chapter! Anywho, read on!

* * *

><p>Just as she always did Hawke rebounded like a Champion. Isabela tried to speak with her of the incident again, and failed, again. Everyone else knew to leave well enough alone. Things had changed in Hawke's life, and this time it was for the better. She had stable friendships, she had finally gotten her home back in order, there were even rumors that she and Fenris planned to marry! The only dilemma was over what they would do about the name issue. Hawke was still a hot commodity, everyone paid attention to what she did and when she did it, so when the two of them began sporting matching gold bands (simple, yet elegant, so the women said) everyone knew about it before the day was out. It was only natural though, she <em>was<em> the city's savior after all, and on a near weekly basis she saved it again, but now it was from a far more internal force.

There it was though, the thorn in Hawke's otherwise perfect side: mages. Every problem she had seemed to start with magic. Day in and day out, Orsino did this, Meredith did that- back and forth like children squabbling over a toy. Hawke arbitrarily sided with the Templars, who were, for the most part, right anyway, but she still saw the situation for what it was. A powder keg. No matter what she did, it was going to spark eventually. Orsino was a man more obsessed with his privacy (and his pride) than proving that he really wasn't doing anything wrong, which led Meredith to believe that he, and every other mage in the Circle, really was. Although Hawke stood by Meredith, she saw her with a measure of disdain as well. Despite the noble intentions that she hid behind, in the end all she was was a 'holier-than-thou' control freak who couldn't handle the word no. Even though Hawke didn't want to, there was a heavy part of her that couldn't help but compare her to Anders, as distant a memory as he was.

Mages were Fenris's problem as well, or _a_ mage, which made it Hawke's problem too. They had heard nothing of Danarius since they had dispatched his last lackey, and that was unnerving. The two tried to avoid letting it eat at them, they carried on with their lives, but the fact was always there, Danarius was still alive. However, time marched on.

* * *

><p>It was a surprisingly slow day at the Gallows. There were only a few Templars out and about and Knight-Captain Cullen stood in his same, stagnant place. It was not Hawke that came today though, but Fenris, and of course that was the first thing Cullen questioned when he approached.<p>

"Where is Ser Hawke?" He used Hawke's honorary title, mostly because that was the way Cullen saw her, but also in a failed attempt to emasculate Fenris. Fenris didn't care. He actually preferred that Hawke hold the titles, it was more attention than he could handle as it was.

"She was still in bed when I left." His dislike of attention did not stop him from flinging passive-aggressive mud back though, and Cullen's jealousy was not something that was easily curbed.

"Then do tell, why are you here?" He snapped.

Fenris sighed, this was not why he was here. He looked Cullen dead in the eye as he spoke, and without of hint of sarcasm he said, "I came to thank you." Cullen looked puzzled. It did not occur to him what Fenris could be talking about, so he continued, "She would not be alive if weren't for you."

Then the two shared a moment of silence before Cullen spoke, "She can take care of herself, she _doesn't_ need you, but... she trusts you, and that's enough for me."

Things were always tense and they always would be, but at least now there was some sort of mutual understanding between them. Cullen didn't like Fenris. Fenris didn't like Cullen. But they dealt with each other, for Hawke.

* * *

><p>It was the beginning of what would be one of the longest days in Hawke's life. She stood in Isabela's bedroom at the Hanged Man. It was the crack of dawn and hardly a soul was awake, but Isabela was quite adamant that this be taken care of first thing.<p>

"Oh, you've got to be kidding me. What is this, Isabela?" Hawke asked with exasperation. She wasn't sure exactly what she and Merril were looking at, but Isabela seemed sure of it.

"Your wedding dress." Isabela replied, matter-of-factly.

Hawke was speechless, so Merril spoke for her, "I think it's... lovely?_ Is_ it lovely?"

"It isn't even a dress." Hawke added.

"That doesn't matter, Hawke. Fenris is going to love it." Isabela nodded.

"I'm so glad you didn't invite Aveline to this little get-together." Hawke shook her head.

"Just put it on!" The queen commanded.

"What? No!" Hawke protested.

"Now! You don't have to show us, just trust me. You and Fenris have already slept together, so _something_ has to be different tonight. Leave it under your clothes for the day, trust me, trust me, trust me!" Isabela repeated.

"Trust you? Do you have any idea what happens when I _trust you?_ Bad things!"

"Oh come on, do you really think Fenris's reaction is going to be _anything_ negative?"

"I suppose not, but if anything, and I mean _anything,_ about this _entire_ day goes south I am blaming _you._"

"Oh come on, you're getting _married_, what's the worst that could happen?"

Merril spoke up again, "Well, now that you've said that, probably everything."

How right she was.

* * *

><p>"Is Hawke here? Elthina needs her." Sebastian had shown up at the mansion, only to find that the woman he was looking for was already gone. It was hardly light out, but she apparently had something important to do with Isabela.<p>

"I have need of her as well, she should be back soon." Fenris replied.

"Perhaps we should simply go and find her, Elthina seemed quite worried."

"Perhaps we should. To the Hanged Man then."

"Why would she be-"

"Don't even ask. I don't know."

It didn't take long for them to get there, and they didn't even have to go inside. Hawke and company were exiting as they came down the stairs. "Ugh, why did I ever agree to this?" Fenris heard Hawke mutter before she caught sight of him.

"Agree to what?" He asked.

Hawke covered quickly, "Coming out here this early in the morning for nothing."

"Well, I have something," Sebastian answered, "Elthina wants to speak with you, right away."

"Alright, since I'm up..." Hawke sighed.

"I have to head to home, I'm afraid I'm awfully tired." Merril explained.

Hawke nodded to her, "That's fine, I'll see you later then."

"I'm coming with you though! Aren't you glad?" Isabela asked.

"Probably not as much as you think I should be."

"Probably." She agreed.

* * *

><p>The Chantry was just as quiet as the rest of the city, Elthina was the only one up and moving. The conversation was relatively simple, yet another request that Hawke couldn't refuse. An agent of the Divine herself was coming to Kirkwall and of course it was on Hawke to vouch for the city.<p>

"When will this agent be here?" Hawke asked.

"Any moment now, that's why I was so urgent about this." Elthina explain as she disappeared up the stairs.

"Well, that was nice of her to lay on you." Isabela added, "I'll bet she's going up to take a nap."

"Oh, quiet Isabela." Sebastian scolded.

"What kind of name is 'Sister Nightingale' anyway?" Isabela continued.

As she and Sebastian began to discuss the various nuances of the Divine's naming procedures Hawke pulled Fenris down to the pews. "Alright," she said, "what's on your mind? You've had that look on your face all morning."

"What look?" Fenris question with an almost aggressive tone.

"The 'I have something to talk about, but I don't want to interrupt all your important Champion business' look. You seem to be forgetting though, if you _don't_ interrupt you'll probably never get to talk to me, and more than that," Hawke put a hand on his arm, "you're far more important than any of this."

He smiled back at her, "Ah, but if I did, we'd stop having these moments."

"Oh, I'm sure I'd think of something. So what is it?"

"My sister. She's going to be here, today. If- if it's really her, I think I want her to be at the wedding." Fenris had been in contact with the woman he believed to be his sister, Varania, for some time. He and Hawke had even sent her money to get to Kirkwall.

"Okay, I don't see why that would be a problem." Hawke nodded, "Where and when?"

"This afternoon, at the Hanged Man."

Hawke sighed before pointing out the elephant in the room, "And if this is a trap?"

Fenris had to look away for a moment, "Then we kill them."

They had talked this subject dry, Hawke had made clear her objections to killing Varania, betrayal or not. She had come to accept that she was biased though, even though she understood that it wasn't the same situation, she couldn't help but compare Varania to Bethany. So she didn't say anything about it. She smiled and kissed his cheek, "I swear though, Fenris, we _are_ getting married today. There will be no more putting it off."

He laughed, "I agree. How many times has it been now?"

"Five, and we're already wearing the rings, so we really should-" Hawke was interrupted by the sound of the Chantry doors swinging open. The group quickly assembled for this 'Sister Nightingale', but Isabela and Hawke found themselves to be far more acquainted with her than they had presumed.

Fenris recognized the Orlesian woman and immediately turned to see Hawke's reaction, she seemed awestruck. "Leliana!" Isabela exclaimed first.

"Uh- Isabela..." Leliana's accent was still very much intact.

"Oh, don't be so shy! What are you doing here?"

"I am Sister Nightingale. I am here on behalf of the Divine." She sheepishly turned away from the embarrassing memory she had with Isabela, "Ser Hawke, is that you?"

Hawke seemed to take on a different persona in the moment she greeted Leliana, "Indeed, Sister, in the flesh."

"I should have known you wouldn't be content in your station. I think the Maker himself designed you to be, relatively indestructible." They shared a short laugh.

"I can only assume how you know Isabela, Sister, but how do you know Hawke?" Sebastian asked.

"We met in Lothering many, many years ago. More than a decade now, I think."

"Indeed." Hawke agreed, "It seems like a lifetime ago."

There was an odd air of calm between the two, an unspoken bond. Hawke had spoken with Fenris about her, but Isabela and Sebastian couldn't understand it. "I hate to get down to business so quickly," Leliana resumed, "but I'm afraid my time here is, unfortunately, limited."

"Yes, yes," Hawke said, "you need to know how the city is doing. The Divine is afraid of another Imperium, but I do not believe her drastic measures are yet necessary."

"_Yet_ necessary?"

"I will not lie to you, Kirkwall is on edge, but to march on us now would simply lead to a heinous amount of deaths, which only ends in more resentment."

"I see. Still, the Grand Cleric needs to leave here, I do not believe it to be safe."

"I agree, but I doubt she will." Hawke turned, "Sebastian, can you speak to her?"

"Of course." He replied.

"Good." Leliana said, then she paused, unaware of how to proceed.

Hawke still knew her old friend, "What is it?"

Leliana changed subjects quickly, "Just- I know the past can't be changed, but do you ever wonder what could have been? I mean, if you could change things, would you?" Leliana thought it almost inappropriate to ask, but she knew she might not get another chance. Sebastian and Isabela once again looked puzzled, but Fenris eagerly awaited Hawke's answer.

She seemed to contemplate the question for a few seconds, "I know what could have been. I know that there are any number of things I would like to change, but I also know what I would lose if I did. Every time I think about it I come to the same conclusion, I'd be too damn selfish to change anything."

"I don't think we're talking about the same thing..."

"I know what you're talking about, Leliana, some things just are."

Leliana was silent for another long moment, "I think I understand what you mean." She sighed, "I have to go now, but... I wanted to say thank you."

"Oh? What for?"

"Don't you remember? What you told me before I left! Everyone thought I was crazy, and I was so afraid of dying and, and you said 'Leliana, if you want to go, you go, because the only person you have to answer to is you, and if you die, well, at least you die a hero.' Oh, how I wish you could have come with me! You might have butted heads with Morrigan, but you would have gotten along fabulously with Oghren and Alistair, and the Warden's dog, you would have loved him! He was-"

"Leliana! You're welcome." Hawke stopped her rambling.

"Oh, yes, I should be going I suppose. Goodbye, Hawke."

"Goodbye, Sister Nightingale."

Leliana left the group in a stunned silence. Well, for Isabela it was a stunned silence. "Wait, wait, I hate to sound insensitive Hawke, but, you had, friends?"

"I used to have a lot of friends, actually."

"Weird."

"Yeah, I know." Hawke smiled, "Anyway, I need breakfast, so, I'll see you two around." She nodded her goodbye to Isabela and Sebastian as she and Fenris left.

It was a serious moment for Hawke, and it left her thinking once again about what could have been, all the things that might have gone differently. Say Ser Clark hadn't ever- Well, she would have probably wound up marrying Cullen, having kids, settling down, and she would have been miserable. What if the Blight had never happened? All those lives, saved. She would have eventually worked her way to Lake Calenhad, and with all her determination she could have even been called Knight-Commander Hawke one day, but she would have been alone. Was she really so selfish that she would prefer all those people to be dead than to deal with life without Fenris? No, if the Blight hadn't happened she wouldn't even know that Fenris existed, yet alone have to make that decision, but still, it frightened her that no matter how she thought of it, she would rather have him. Hawke knew it wasn't rational, things are the way they are and she shouldn't feel bad about something she had no control over.

"Are you alright?" Fenris asked from the seat next to her, snapping Hawke out of her thoughts.

"Huh? Of course." She shook her head and picked up her fork again, she had almost forgotten her food.

"Hawke, you can lie to everyone else, but not to me. What is wrong?"

"It is nothing, Fenris, don't worry about it."

"Is it Varania? I did not mean to upset you so, I-"

"No, Fenris, I have made my opinion on that clear, but I have accepted that I cannot change your mind."

He stopped for a moment, the weight of her statement sinking in. She loved him enough to let him _kill_ his sister, even though she objected to it so strongly. "Then, what are you thinking about that's distracting you from your food? _Nothing_ stops you from food."

She let out a staccato laugh before turning somber, "I was just thinking about how I answered Leliana's question, I almost wish I had been lying to her."

"What?" Fenris wasn't sure exactly what Hawke meant.

"I know it's just something people say, but the more I thought about it I realized that I really wouldn't have stopped the Blight itself if it meant losing you. That scares me."

He didn't even think, the words barely had time to process before his mouth was on hers, his hand in her hair, pressing her to him. She wrapped her arm around him in return. When they broke for air they didn't part, they remained forehead to forehead as he spoke, "I do not have words for how much I love you."

"Nor do I."

They shared a silent moment before Hawke attacked him and he responded in kind. Hawke moved to straddle him and they were hot and heavy until Fenris moved to take off her top, then a realization hit her. She was wearing Isabela's 'wedding dress'. She stopped him and he made an adorable noise of protest, or at least, to her it was adorable. "I know, I know," she said, "but we can't right now, just trust me."

Hawke's raised eyebrow did nothing for clarification. "Alright..."

She bit her lower lip in thought, which was not helping matters, but eventually she managed to speak, "Fenris, about tonight..."

"Yes?" He was not sure where this conversation was going, but he was worried it was not going to be good for him, luckily he was wrong.

Speaking of lust was not Hawke's forte, and this was incredibly difficult for her, but she managed. She leaned in to his ear and whispered, "Tonight, I want it rough. No more of this sweetness, I want to know that I belong to you, and only you." Ever since Fenris had found out about Hawke's past their love-making had been tender and as much as she appreciated it, she grew tired of it. Hawke could feel him hardening beneath her, "I don't want to be loved, I want to be fucked. Can you do that for me?"

His voice was a low growl, "If you do not get off of me I will do so right now."

She reluctantly pried herself off of him and returned to her food without another word. He did not know where her confidence came from, but he certainly wasn't about to deny her what she wanted. Besides, it was what he wanted, too.

This was undoubtedly the most awkward meal Fenris had ever sat through, but Hawke acted unfazed. It was almost upsetting to him to think that she had wound him up so completely and he had had such a minimal effect on her. When he stood up he placed his hands on her shoulders and kissed the top of her head, the simple touch caused her to jolt up. Fenris had to chuckle, his concern resolved, "You are quite the actress, aren't you?"

"I am simply... focused. That is all." She sighed, "We should probably get ready, the day is not going to wait forever."

* * *

><p>After they had donned their armor they set out once again, acquiring the aid of Aveline and Varric for the rest of the morning's events. They had their usual set of chores to take care of, a blood mage here, a corrupt official there, and somewhere along the road Isabela had wound up tagging along as well. By three in the afternoon they had finished, but there was one more task that hounded them.<p>

"Do you think you're ready for this, Broody?" Varric asked when the reached the Hanged Man.

"It does not matter whether or not I am ready." Fenris replied.

"So no?" Isabela inferred.

"I am not sure." He admitted. The group turned to Hawke, who was trying to sense the presence of magic in the building. "Anything?"

She was silent for another moment before answering, "No. Not a thing."

"That's good then!" Isabela exclaimed.

"No, that is very, _very_ bad." Hawke replied.

"Why?" Fenris questioned.

"There is always magic here, as with most everywhere else."

"So?" Varric piped in, "No magic is good magic, right?"

"No. Not in this case. Magic is everywhere, but something is stopping me from sensing _any_ in there."

"Could it be anything _other_ than a crazy magister?" Isabela questioned.

"Well yes, but all of those things are far less likely and, well, worse." Hawke explained.

"Then we go in prepared." Fenris stated, his face set with anger.

Hawke simply nodded back at him as they entered. The Hanged Man was a little more sparse than it normally was, the place didn't normally heat up until much later anyhow. A few patrons dotted the corners, making it simple for Fenris to pick her out, sitting at a table in the center of the room. "Varania!"

The hope in his voice broke Hawke's heart, especially when the elf looked up at him. Hawke had always been good at reading faces, and that was not the face she wanted to see. Things were about to go south very quickly. Varania spoke, "It _is_ you."

"I remember you. We used to-"

"Fenris!" Hawke couldn't handle it, she cut him off.

He took her interruption far differently than she intended, "Oh. Varania, this is-"

"_Fenris!_" Hawke repeated as the thud of footsteps came from the stairs.

Varania stood and backed away, "I am sorry, Leto."

"You led him here." Fenris growled as the magister approached.

"Don't be so hard on her, my pet, she had no choice." Danarius spoke as he descended the last steps. "And this is your new mistress?" He no longer acknowledged Fenris, "Hawke, correct? I should have you know that he used to love me like he loves you, and-"

"Shut your mouth, Danarius!"

He pushed air through his teeth in an irritated sigh, "Normally, I would offer you a heinous amount of money and favors for his return, but we both know that you aren't about to agree to that, and let's face it, I want you dead."

"Well good," Hawke replied, "at least we're on the same page."

Then the battle began. Within moments everyone was occupied with their own opponent. It wasn't long before two hordes of slavers had gone down, but some necromantic force soon brought them back to their feet, stronger than they had already been. They weren't human anymore, and they had a tenuous grip on that to begin with. Demons populated the room as well, each bringing their own brand of terror to the fight.

Fenris locked blades with shambling skeleton, who abruptly fell to the floor. As did the rest of the otherworldly enemies in the room. Fenris turned to find Aveline, Varric and Isabela sharing the same puzzled look.

They all seemed to notice him at once. Danarius still stood, but he did not move. He didn't speak, he didn't conjure up the tiniest spell. He just stared ahead, blank. "Holy shit." Varric uttered, "He's Tranquil."

Fenris didn't hesitate, "All the easier to kill." He ripped the heart clean from the magister's chest, his body toppling to the floor.

It was only then that his rage cleared and he saw her, lying on the floor just as motionless as Danarius. He rushed to her side, holding her in the same manner he had the last time she had collapsed like this, only this time she showed no sign of waking. "Hawke! _Hawke!_" He shouted, disgusted with himself for not noticing her earlier. He had been so blinded by his anger that he had completely forgotten everything but his intent to kill Danarius.

She was entirely limp in his arms, but there were no visible wounds, nothing that could lend itself to a cure. "Did either of you see what happened?" Varric asked Aveline and Isabela.

"No." They answered in unison, dumbstruck by the situation.

It was a tense silence as Fenris clung to Hawke's lifeless body. Where would anyone go from here? The realization sunk in that Fenris wasn't the only one that was all but lost without Hawke. Sure, they would move on eventually, but to what? She was Varric's best friend. She was half the reason Aveline could handle her job. She was Isabela's anchor, Merril's sanity, Sebastian's compass.

"I can heal her." A small voice spoke from the corner.

Fenris could hardly believe what he was hearing, "What?"

"I can- I _think_ I can heal her." It was Varania. In truth, things weren't as simple as selling her brother for power, she really hadn't had much of a choice, but she felt that this was her fault all the same. Whether Leto killed her or not, she owed him this.

Fenris didn't care that it was more magic, he didn't even care that he wanted to kill this woman, the only thing that mattered was Hawke. He hardly turned his head. "Then do," he said, "because if she dies, so do you."

* * *

><p>Here she was again, that place somewhere between life and death, but this time around it felt more permanent, more concrete. Hawke could feel parts of herself start to fade, then pull themselves back, staying alive by sheer force of will.<p>

Those last moments resonated with her. She acted on emotion alone. She saw in that instant what had to be done, the choice that had to be made.

_'Fenris dies, or I do.' _

She was behind Danarius, he was so preoccupied by the spell he was casting that she had had just enough time to grab him by the neck. She wrenched the magic from him with both hands, and simultaneously the life from herself. If she had just attacked him the abominations would have struck her from behind, and there was no guarantee he would have gone down. If she had continued striking the demon she was at war with the spell would have hit Fenris. No, there was no other way.

This was death. Part of her still fought it, but another part accepted it. She had been here so many times, hovering on the brink, perhaps this was finally it.

_ "Why now though? Why taunt me with happiness only to rip it from me? Is this really what I deserve?"_

There was no measure for the time she spent there. It felt like an instant and an eternity all at once. She drifted between believing that it was over and fighting the end. Her memories became distant, nothing more than figments of a life she used to have.

Then she was dead. The second she crossed that threshold she knew it. She felt at peace, like something beyond human, but it was only temporary. The human emotions she thought she had let go of came rushing back, anger and fear at the forefront. Hawke was pulled back through pure chaos, she remembered everything at once, and then she opened her eyes.

* * *

><p>"Hawke? Are you with us?" Isabela asked with a genuine smile.<p>

"Yes." Hawke's answer was simple. She sat up, she was in her own bed, her own house, alive.

"You put us all through quite the scare." Aveline added, "I can only guess that you _saved_ all our lives, too."

Hawke didn't say anything, she just scanned the room, eyes wide in disbelief. "Hawke? Are you there?" Isabela gave a half-hearted laugh with her question.

"I was dead."

"Well, just about. Varania, of all people, healed you. I'm sure it's the only reason Fenris let her live." Aveline explained.

"No, Aveline, I was _really_ dead." Hawke let Aveline's explanation roll over her. She was glad that Varania was still alive, glad that she had healed her, but she was still in shock. She hadn't even taken into account that Fenris wasn't in the room.

Aveline and Isabela didn't know quite what to say, there really wasn't much they _could_ say after all. "Well, we're glad you're alive again." Isabela smiled.

Hawke nodded and sat up, swinging her legs over the side of the bed, "How long was I out? What happened?"

"It's only been about two hours. Everyone is well intact, except Danarius, and even though Varania is alive, Fenris will _not_ be having anything to do with her." Aveline confirmed.

"Where is he?" Hawke almost sounded panicked.

"He should be back any minute, he went to the Gallows. Varania said you would wake up relatively soon, but he wanted to talk to Cullen in case there was something else he could do."

"Okay." She seemed to calm down before she spoke again, "Can you get me one of those fancy potions off the dresser there?"

"Of course." Isabela answered, grabbing one and handing it to her.

"Wait, Hawke, shouldn't you rest?" Aveline questioned.

Hawke looked confused, "Why would I rest when I have this?" She held up the potion before she downed it, "Besides, I'm getting married in like an hour."

"Wait, what? You almost died!"

"Aveline, I _almost die_ every other day. I'm not putting this off again."

"But Hawke, you've never-"

"I don't give a fuck." Hawke cut her off with a completely dry tone. Neither of them knew what to say. They couldn't remember the last time they had heard language like that come from her. Hawke chuckled, "I feel _fine_. That's what potions are for! Now if you'll excuse me..."

"Alright." Aveline laughed back.

"I'll see you two at the Chantry."

"Goodbye, Hawke. It's good to have you back." Isabela said as she and Aveline exited.

As soon as they were gone Hawke rushed to check if all of her 'clothing' was still in place. She found that, although a little disheveled, it was all there. She proceeded to the kitchen to wolf down some bread.

About halfway through the loaf she heard the door open and turned to see him. Fenris had a look of pure despair on his face, he looked ragged and tired, but when he saw her there, munching on her food as if nothing had happened, he lit up. There was a moment of disbelief, but it was soon replaced with relief.

He seemed frozen there, staring at her, so she spoke, "Hey! Miss me?" She gave him her best smile and still he said nothing. "Oh, come on, don't look at me like that, you know those potions make me hungry."

How very like her to shrug this off. He thought for a moment that maybe she just didn't care, but he took the time to think back on their relationship, as he had been doing for the past two hours, and realized that this was, in fact, her caring. She might not have known what it was like to believe that the love of her life was dead, but the fact that she was trying to make light of the situation (which was most certainly not her thing) showed her love for him.

He crossed to her in two long strides and held her to him. His grip was tight enough to be painful, but Hawke said nothing. When he had finally accepted that she was indeed alive he loosened his hold on her, "You are supposed to be dead, Hawke."

"Don't you remember? The Maker himself designed me to be... relatively indestructible." She mirrored Leliana's statement.

"No, Hawke, I- I talked to Cullen, he said that with what you did, no amount of healing would bring you back, not if you hadn't been taking lyrium. You should have died, Hawke." He sounded almost frantic. It was true, Hawke had decided against the general Templar lyrium regimen, especially with price and availability.

She was silent for a moment, thinking. "I _was_ dead, Fenris. I cannot be sure what exactly gave me the strength to come back, but I knew before I acted that it was going to kill me. I-"

"Then _why!_ Why would you have-"

"Fenris!" She barked back at him, "He would have killed you. He was this close to- It was me or you, and I chose you."

"Hawke, I-"

"Don't say a word." Hawke demanded, "What I was going to say was that I cannot be sure what saved me, but I am relatively certain that it was you."

"Hawke, I didn't even- If anything it was my fault that-"

"No, no, no, stop that." She scolded him, "That's not what I meant. I'm around you constantly, I sleep with you for gods' sakes, and the only thing that could have changed anything is lyrium. _You_ saved me, Fenris."

He processed what she had said, "You mean..."

"Yes." She smiled at his utterly dumbstruck face and kissed him. It was short and sweet and when she backed away he still didn't seem to know what to say. Lyrium, _his_ lyrium, had saved her. "Now go get ready, we're getting married."

"Hawke, you-"

"No, no, no, no, I already told you, come hell or high water we are getting married _today._"

Fenris chuckled, "Of course, dear."

"And you might want to go down one of those potions yourself. It's been a long day, and well, I'm still going to be awake for a _very_ long time." Hawke winked at him, "You aren't going to disappoint me, are you?"

"I wouldn't dream of it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN:** OH MY GOSH GUIZE. WHAT IF SHE ACTUALLY DIED? I kid, I kid. And for those of you who are wondering, yes, yes, yes, there will be smut in the next chapter. I promise. Head on over to my profile and read the intro to my next story! Send me a message and tell me what you think! And as always, reviews are appreciated greatly!

Oh! And who all has Diablo 3 now? I know I do. My whole life has been leading up to that game.


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